Make Your Mark in This World!

I find inspiration in weird places all of the time, but this weekend, I actually surprised myself and laughed as I sat in a public restroom stall taking a picture of the bathroom door; it inspired this blog post. (sorry if that is too much information... but get used to it if you are going to be reading my blogs)

So... here it is, the blog that was inspired by a restroom stall door. Enjoy! 

Purpose... I have to believe we all have one; although some may never realize it, I find it hard to accept that anyone is here to live day to day with no reason, no direction, and no purpose; just to be left walking aimlessly around like a robot thinking "which way do I go?" We all have the ability to become great at something... but not all of us have the drive, the motivation, the resources the ability to focus or the energy to do what it takes to win; if we did... we would all be millionaires and Olympic athletes and being one would not be such a big deal anymore; that is why it is special.

It is special to be someone that speaks up when everyone else stays silent, it's special to run harder when all you want to do is drop to the ground in pain, it's special to push yourself when you would rather give up and it takes a special person to get back up after they fail more than once. The rebels... the troublemakers, the non-conformists, the stubborn ones are the ones who change the world. Just like Steve Jobs said... "the round pegs in square holes" are the ones who make a difference, who become great at something and are recognized for it; why wouldn't you want to be one of those people? What holds you back? Is it the fear of failure? Is it the lack of self confidence? Is it because everyone will laugh or make fun of your dreams and ideas? I would be willing to bet it's all of those and maybe you have even more excuses of "why not" that you could turn into "why you can" if you just think differently.

If fear holds you back, have fear NOT doing something instead of having the fear in doing it. If it's the lack of self confidence that ails you, look in the mirror EVERY day and say " you can do this" to yourself; yes... it is okay to talk to yourself, but only if you are telling yourself things that are helpful. Have you ever looked in the mirror and said something negative? Did you believe what you were saying to yourself to be true? (ex; I look fat, I look skinny, I have wrinkles, I am losing my hair) Then start saying positive things and watch how it works for you just as well. You bring about what you think about and what you tell yourself will eventually come true. THAT is a fact. (unless you are telling yourself you will win the lottery... the odds in that are not even ones your mind can overcome.) If it's the influence of others that holds you back... remember; they won't make you rich, they won't be living your dreams with you... so what they think does not matter in the end.

We all need to make our mark, have a presence, and be remembered for something; that is my lesson for today. If it is to be the best little league coach for your child, then do it. If it is to have the cleanest house or be the best stay-at-home mom... that's fine. You don't have to win a Nobel Prize or a Grammy Award to make a mark in this world. The point is to be the best you CAN be at whatever it is you are doing. Don't be half-ass. Always be a rebel... speak up to get what you want and never be afraid to spill your thoughts... even if it happens to be on a bathroom stall door. I guarantee that whoever scribbled the first words on this door was born a leader; it took courage, and look how many others followed her lead! I hope she is doing something with it! I know... I am weird; I find depth in the smallest of things, I am a Psychology nut, what else can I say?

I wonder if you should feel special when your girlfriend thinks of how much she loves you as she is "doing business" in the bathroom. hmmm...how's THAT for an ending thought! HAHA!

Happy Sunday

xoxo

~Shells~

Just blogging in silence on a Sunday afternoon!

For My Guys...Healthy Relationships;

I know you opened this because you were curious and I also know that it's the first three words of the title that sucked you in; "For My Guys"... after all; I am a pretty girl who has a brain and you thought; "OOoooh! This is to ME from HER!" And well... that's most of your problem; it's not all about you. If you read the second half of that statement it would reveal that this was about how to have "healthy" relationships. My question to you is would you still have opened it if those two words would have been first? If the answer is no, then don't stop reading because there is a lesson here that WILL benefit you. If the answer is yes, then YOU can't stop reading because you may find that you are doing everything right and wouldn't that be a good boost to the ego? Yep... of course, and guess what? We all need that.

If you are a girl reading this then you were thinking; "what does THIS girl have to say to "OUR guys?" and so perhaps jealousy more than curiosity made you open it; it's natural so no worries, I won't beat you up about it. Guys... this is normal behavior read on to learn why.

So listen up! Small things are what it's ALL about! You can buy a girl diamonds bigger than a hazelnut with all the beautiful designer intricacies she wanted; but in the end if you DON'T appreciate her by verbally and physically showing her; such as saying, "honey you look amazing tonight." Or kiss her on the back of the neck when she doesn't expect it; you will never have the relationship you want... you know the "steamy" one. Yes, all women like to hear we look sexy... but if you never take the "sex" out of the sexy , eventually we will have a need for the tender emotions that go along with hearing something more emotional from you. Guys like "strip clubs" but women would Love for an "emotional club" to open up with free drinks.

So GUYS...here's the top 8 list of how to have a "steamy" relationship;
("healthy" for her = "steamy" for you)
And GIRLS... you know this is what you want more of...

• Kiss her when you come home, even if you have had a long day; it's about her at that moment.
• Tell her how good dinner was when she cooks for you; and if it wasn't good? Tell her how beautiful she looks when she is cooking; it's a win for you and her either way.
• Help her clean up after dinner or occupy the kids or bathe them so she can everything done and spend time relaxing with you before bed.
• Engage in the blabber that she tells bombards you with and "actually care" not "act like you care."
• Tell her you love her; and mean it... by SHOWING IT and you will like what she reciprocates!
• Provide and create security by working on the finances TOGETHER don't do it all by yourself and never make her handle it all. It's 100/100 not 50/50; forget what you have learned on that!
• Most men (not all) love intimacy for the visual and physical feel feel; most women (not all) love it for the emotional connection... remember that so you will think of her needs too.
• And last but not least; support her passionately about what makes her passionate; even if it's hard to understand, this one is about her feeling that her ideas are valid and important. Even when you think they are dumb, do it. What you will get in return is that eventually you won't be faking it; when you LOVE her truly; you will share her passions.

GUYS? I PROMISE you that if you do these things you will have the relationship you have always wanted. TRUST me on this.

GIRLS? If you are still reading then all you need to be told is ... DO THE SAME THINGS in return and you will be "healthier and happier"and he will only want you; leaving you secure in EVERY way.

XOXO

~Shells~

True Friends

Once upon a time, I was a young girl who felt out of place... I had moved away from my home town up north where I felt like I had a place and was planted into a new school in a southern state with new people who did not accept me. For years I felt left out and struggled to make friends and fit in; it was especially tough because back then all I needed was a really good friend. I managed through life for a long time accepting what I got with the occasional acquaintances, friends who were conditional, some who were very high maintenance and others who were frankly quite exhausting. I settled for that because I figured that's all I would ever have and that was better than nothing.

It was not until I had my first true friend that all of that changed and I realized that true friends came with no conditions, true friends understood that you can't always call them every day or even every week, but that when you did talk with them it was like you never had a lapse in time and that when they needed you you would never hesitate to be there and drop everything. I realized that not all friends wear you out with their dramatic, negative stories... but that some would enlighten you, inspire you and encourage you and listen to you when you needed to vent about your dramatic stories.

Today, I feel so blessed. I have many true friends and they matter to me more than anything... they are my extended family and I would throw myself under a bus for them. It's who I am and I am so happy that after all the years of being shunned that I never became bitter; that I never gave up on the thought of experiencing true friendship with no conditions... I am lucky now and I know just how lucky I am. As I have said in previous blog posts... you have to be a friend to have a friend and once you experience that feeling nothing can replace it.

I still have people who sneer and snicker at me... not understanding who I am because they are too busy paying attention to other things about me. That bothered me once upon a time... and sometimes it still does but as they snicker and sneer thinking that I am someone that I am not... I can smile as I think of the quality people in my life now, how as they giggle and gossip I am content and secure with the real deal... the true friends who I know will always be there exactly when I need them... as I am for them. i smile knowing that they don't matter, what they think does not matter and that is FREEING in so many ways.

If you are lucky enough to have one or two or more real friends then you know what I am talking about, if you struggling to find friends yourself and know that you are a true friend... don't give up and don't let them see you sweat it!

Have an awesome day and become a better friend, it will enrich your life in so many ways!

xoxo

~Shells~

~FUN WITH FRIENDS~

Can You Be Motivated?

I often wonder why so many things seem to light a fire under my butt, get my engines roaring and overtake my mind like a flame engulfing a gas pump while other people cannot even get motivated to get out of bed in the morning. Is the ability to be motivated something that you are born with, something you learn from your peers or is it created by the events of your life? It's an interesting question and as many motivational books that I have read in my lifetime, I have a theory... shall I share it? Well... of course I will! :)

People who struggle more get motivated much easier because they are kicked into survival mode; when you are starving, you are motivated to hunt. Have you ever read a motivational book? If the answer is no then you likely have not felt you had a reason to. You are either perfect, complacent, blissfully happy or you have simply given up. Life has given you no reason to pick up a book and get motivated to make life better, achieve more goals or learn something from someone else's struggles. Although I cannot speak from experience... I am sure in some cases it's a good thing. You probably get more restful sleep than I do, and you likely don't walk around with a notepad app on your phone so you can jot down ideas as they pour into your head at the strangest times. It can be a curse as much as it is a blessing.

When have you ever met anyone who seems to go through life easy-pleasy get motivated to read or watch anything with substance? They have no clue what it's like to sacrifice much of anything because they are used to getting everything.  I have friends like this and I love them nonetheless and have learned to realize that they may not understand me simply because their life can't let them.

Embrace your journey; allow it to motivate you even when it seems perfect. Never stop dreaming and never stop hoping they will come true. If you have never struggled, imagine you were long enough to understand where the people who have are coming from. Don't misunderstand who they are.

My mind has been ON FIRE lately and when it kicks into overdrive sometimes it crashes and burns... in other words, it wears me out to the point of mental exhaustion. Yep... I was there last week so I took a weekend off and unplugged before I had a complete shut down. It HAD to happen and it felt pretty good; and today my brain is back on fire ready for another week of cranking out ideas, plans, spreadsheets and nerdy crap that consumes my every day. I am weird... I know, and I am content with that.

Can you be motivated? What motivates you? Have you given up? Thrown in the white towel? Or do you still have dreams and goals that you would like to reach? What are they? Are you willing to make them a priority? Are you willing to give up something you like in order to get something you will love? I encourage you to write these questions down and answer them... perhaps you will find something that will kick you into gear and bring you closer to a big win. If you are not motivated to answer these questions... perhaps you have given up; I hope not!

XOXO

~Shells~

Random Acts of Kindness

 I remember a day when random acts of kindness were not so random and not so rare. It was not unusual for someone to offer a helping hand when you needed it or to bring a hot meal to your door if you or someone in your family was sick. People hitch hiked for rides... and got them, and if you had a flat tire it did not require a road side assistance membership because people would stop to help you. I remember the days when you knew all of your neighbors because people came out of their houses long enough to introduce themselves, there was poker night, cook-outs and pot luck dinners.  Neighborhood kids played together, spontaneously and usually all day long... now play "dates" are scheduled and people are afraid to associate with their neighbors, so they stay inside their homes.  It's a different world today, and I am not so sure that it's a better one now that all of this has changed.

I have always been a giving soul, it comes natural... it's who I am and now that we live in a "think-of yourself only" kind of world and everyone is so fearful of weirdo's, or some psychotic person on drugs people like me feel weird, unusual and often experience feelings of rejection when someone we offer help to looks at us like we have three heads just because we do something nice. Is it so rare for someone to offer a kind and unexpected gesture of care and concern that people always think there is an ulterior motive?

What sparked this blog post was a conversation that I had with one of my dear friend's and client's the other day who happens to be a lot like me. She told me about a man that she knew who eats out every single day for breakfast lunch and often dinner; how being a bachelor he rarely has a home cooked meal. She made some chili for her family the other night and decided since nobody in her house eats left-overs that she would bring this man the left-over chili for his lunch the next day. The man was so overwhelmed with gratitude and taken back by her kindness that he asked her why she did it as if to assume that she had another agenda; his reaction surprised her. I laughed as I told her how I experience this quite often, that I have been left to feel like I am strange... like I was some kind of weird stalker just because I do something nice for someone.

In the past, I have taken it personally when someone treats me like I have the plague after offering my helping hand and I suppose sometimes I still do depending on the situation. However, does this mean I should conform to today's "normalcy" and mind my own business despite how strongly I feel about helping others? Or, do I continue to be "strange" and stop taking it personal when someone does not understand that I am just a nice person with no motives other than to offer help when it's needed? Does this mean I should keep myself and my children cooped up in the house and never meet my neighbors? Certainly not. I will continue to be the person I am even if it means I am weird and unusual, because I have never been normal anyway! I will not be paranoid and will allow my kids to play spontaneously all day  if they choose because the days when life was much simpler, when we did not know where every TRUE weirdo lived, was a day when life was less stressful and less stress is what I strive to achieve each and every day!

I will also continue to share how I think hoping to make some of you think that maybe although life has changed and society has changed... that WE still have a choice of how we allow ourselves to change. We may be busier ... but being thoughtful is still necessary.

Wishing you all a fantastic weekend!

XOXO

~Shells~

I

What happens in Vegas... and some inspiration as well

Wow! What a long yet exciting two weeks! A week in Las Vegas at Photoshop World 2012 certainly took it's toll on me! I was super busy the entire time working with Westcott, Canon, Adobe and Netherlands fashion photographer Frank Dorhoff. It was truly a blast. I still cannot believe at times the opportunities that have opened up to me over the past several years. I preach positive thinking all of the time... how you should never take your mind off of your dreams, I talk about never giving up and I really DO believe in all of that. That is not to say that actually seeing it all come to fruition is not surreal. I have been on somewhat of a euphoric high this week and when you add that to coming back into my own time zone after 6 days it's no wonder I got knocked on my fanny! When I am gone for any length of time at all I come back to oodles of clients wanting to see me, my 3 little munchkins starving for my attention and this time I returned to an offer for a new business venture. (That I graciously accepted of course) My book will be out in a little over a month, so I figured it was time to accept a new project. (more to come on that later, but it was an offer I could not refuse!) Someone please pinch me. :)

Okay so enough of my ridiculous jibber jabber, it's starting to sound too boastful for my taste. (That's what excitement sounds like I suppose.) Time for some humbling stuff.

When I woke up to Facebook this morning I had a nice little note on my timeline, and I must honestly say that it warmed my heart and sincerely meant SO much to me! An old friend from high school who reconnected with me via Facebook after spending quite a few years in prison reached out to me several months ago. He apparently watched my posts which tend to be uplifting and positive and asked for my phone number. He needed a friend and an ear. We have talked a few times, typically when he was having difficulty and I have encouraged him to keep battling his demons. He is a great guy with many great qualities and despite what people who judge him for his wrongs may think, he deserves a second chance on life. We ALL do in my opinion, and sometimes even a third or forth.

Don't we ALL screw up? Don't we ALL make bad calls and fall on our faces? Of course we do... and what if there was nobody there to pick us up or lend a hand when we needed it? I guess I do this without hesitation because many times in my life I was in need of that hand, that friend, that ear and never really had it. My mistakes were different ones than his, but the bottom line is that I have been there. I want everyone to take a second and think about a time in your life when you needed someone and had nobody to turn to. Do you remember how you felt? Hopeless, scared, angry, hurt? How about alone? I want you to think of that next time someone you know or someone you "virtually know" via Facebook  posts something that indicates they need someone... reach out to them, sincerely lend an ear, a few positive words or words of wisdom, or hell... lay it all out and let them know you have been there too. I can promise you that if and when you do this, one day it will be returned to you ten-fold. Just like that sweet message he left me on my timeline today. It honestly made my day! <3 p="p">

 Thanks to my friend for letting me know I mean something, YOU rock!

This was his message to me:

Hey you, just wanted to tell you how great of a person you are. Our conversations have helped me more than you can imagine. Keep putting off that positve energy and know you are loved, Chuck P.

And because of his heartfelt message, I was inspired to write a new quote which I pasted onto a picture I took from the plane on the way home from Las Vegas last week. 

Pay it forward.... ALWAYS!