On the Fifth Day of Christmas... I give you wishes

I am so happy today. My oldest daughter flew in from Colorado and all of my kids are home! Time to kick off this Christmas thing full speed ahead! So...

On the fifth day of Christmas this blogger brings to you, five things to wish for, more inspiration, two thoughts to ponder, one day of silence, and a blog post to share with your friends.


Many many things get my engines going and because of that I know that I have been given the gift of passion. I used to use it inefficiently, however as the years have passed and I have grown up I use it in a much more positive way, for the greater good... I am thankful that lesson was learned. Tonight, I will get back to my postings of wisdom and inspiration with my top 5 things to wish for. Obviously, I cannot tell you what to wish for but I tried really hard to think of five things that we all would want regardless of race, religion, or social status and this is what I came up with. I gave one tip each on how to get them.



5. Less stress
 ** Turn off the TV and do something else you love instead

4. More abundance
** Diversify your income by turning a hobby or a passion into a secondary money maker

3. Closer families
** Call a family member at least once a week. No texting or emailing, actually have a conversation. Perhaps  get in touch with one who lives far away or one that you have not spoken to in a while for whatever reason. Call a different one each week until you have called them all and then start the cycle over again.

2. To be Hopeful
** Soul search to come up with the reason you lost hope, then tell yourself that you can DO this... because if you believe you can, YOU WILL!

1. Find Peace
** Whatever it is you are uneasy about, whatever it is that causes stress and angst, do whatever it takes to find peace. Realize that it's all part of your journey to go through whatever it is you are faced with and understand to accept the things you cannot change and move on in forward motion. Stop letting worry cloud your mind; worry is toxic... peace on the other hand is bliss.


Have a great night everyone! It's been a tough calendar week... very emotional and exhausting in many ways. I am sure that it will not end here, in fact... I know it won't so get a good night's sleep and start fresh tomorrow... I will be Christmas shopping!

xoxo

~Shells~

A few pictures of me with my kiddos today

Abrielle was sleepy from school and pooped out before we took the pictures :( 

Me, Baleigh, Zane and Cierra being ourselves

Me, Zane and Cierra <3 p="p">

 Me and my mini-me

On the Fourth Day of Christmas...

Today was a really good day. It was quiet for a little while this morning because the kids were gone for a couple of hours, so Corey and I got some much needed "us" time. When they got home we goofed around a bit before their nap, and while they were napping I went grocery shopping alone. I rarely get to browse so slowly up and down the isles because I am often too busy watching for things to be sneaked into the cart and stashed underneath other items in hopes I won't notice before paying for them. It was nice... I must admit. However, it did cross my mind a few times (as one could not help with the events of this week) that I had to hurry home and kiss those faces just in case tomorrow did not come.

On the forth day of Christmas this blogger gives to you, more inspiration, a moment of silence, two thoughts to ponder and a blog post to share with your friends.

If there is one thing that we need in this ever changing world, it's courage. We go to work every day surrounded by people with road rage, people who multi-task while driving, yack on the phone with clients, business colleagues, friends, family, or bill collectors; practically doing everything BUT paying attention to the road... ( I am guilty as charged, for my car is often my office.) We are courageous to step out of our doors and into a car for that reason.

We then drive our children to school and drop them off into the hands of teachers, and administrative staff or perhaps put them on a bus and wave as the driver drives off with them in their care, no seat belts, no airbags... assuming that they will be safe. We go on about our day, and arrive at our workplace, we begin our daily grind and hope for a fast-paced day so we can be home sooner than later. We then get back in our cars, sit in traffic, check emails as we turtle crawl home, experience even worse road rage than we did that morning because now there are people that have had a "bad day", all without thinking of the negative things that could happen at any second. We arrive home, kiss our families, go through our motions of the evening, sleep... wake up, and do it all over again: day in, day out. All of this is second nature, but all of this takes courage.

We may not stop long enough each day to pay close attention to certain details... or at least I admit that I am guilty of this. Although my intentions are always good, I sometimes forget to give the kids or Corey that special kiss in the morning because it is often hectic trying to get everyone off. I have forgotten to say I love you a time or two and I know that although I intend to every day, I may not think to wish them all a good day. My eyes opened up this weekend, I thought about many things as I for once actually sat and watched the news updates on the massacre in Connecticut. I recalled  how I felt just a few months ago,when a young gunman killed all those people in that Colorado movie theater, and the sick feeling I got realizing that my oldest daughter who lives not too far from where it happened could have been there. I thought about how the tragedy of losing a sister helps me realize some of the pain these people are going thorough, and I thought about how many things I unintentionally take for granted on a daily basis.

If all of this did one thing for me, it did this... I will wake up every day and see to it that I remember those hugs and kisses and those words of encouragement they need to have a good day at school and work. I will walk my 11 year old to the bus stop instead of simply assuming she is fine walking with friends because it is within a eye shot from the house. I will do this because it could be the last time I get to do it. I won't wake up with morbid thoughts in my mind everyday, or be paranoid or scared to send my kids to school or go to work, but the reality is what it is; we may not have tomorrow.

As life goes on and things happen to me and with the people and things that surround me, I am changing as a person. I am paying more attention and soaking in what I feel is being presented for the sake of a lesson. I believe that all things, both good and bad happen for reasons, for lessons... and when people ask where God is during horrible events, my answer will always remain the same; "He was right where you put him." Sometimes... we have to be woken up by a loud noise because we sleep through everything else, if he wants us to pay attention, he knows what shakes us. When our children are doing wrong, we must punish them, that does not make us absent, or hurtful, or bad, it makes us a good parent and although we don't like it... it's necessary. Perhaps we are doing something wrong and we need to wake up and absorb the lesson here, at least that's what I am thinking.

Goodnight everyone, may you sleep well tonight and may the noises that surround you be peaceful.

xoxo

~Shells~

On the Third Day of Christmas...

On the Third Day of Christmas this blogger gives to you... a day of silence and remembrance

On the Second Day of Christmas...

Given the events in Connecticut today, I decided to change tonight's post. 

On the second day of Christmas, this blogger gives to you... two thoughts to ponder 

and a blog post to share with your friends...

Tragedy... it surrounds someone everyday, it is heartbreaking, confusing and can never be predetermined... hence why it is called a tragic event. Unfortunately for many families today and many of us out here watching as the updates roll in, tragedy has struck once again. I am sad, for everyone involved; for the people who lost a loved one, for the mother who lost her life looking her own son in the eyes as he killed her, for the brother whose life was taken by his own flesh and blood and even though you may not understand my reasoning... I am sad for the gunman who fell through the cracks.
HOW is it that a person can calculate such a horrific scene without ANYONE noticing that something was wrong... I simply don't get it, and frankly don't believe it.  I pay very close attention to the people that surround me, I recognize pain, sadness, anger, resentment and odd behavior all of the time. It is almost a sixth sense for me now. I am aware of the emotions of others, I pay attention and offer help or an ear to listen when I take notice.

I am tired of the laziness that floods our society. People turn their head to things we should call attention to. I am tired of medication being handed out like skittles to children and adults whose minds are not stable or mature enough to handle it. Depression is real and so is mental illness but medication is not always the answer... getting to the root of the problem is our first responsibility. This "take a pill" mentality is as bad as allowing a violent video game to babysit your child. Many people have begun to voice their opinions on social media, and to that I will say this. I do believe guns are a problem because the hands that they fall into are controlled by the mind of the person pulling the trigger, and those minds are not always stable enough for the responsibility. We all need safety and security, I get that. I choose to pray instead of carry a gun, simple as that. You have your way, I have mine; in the end we all meet our destiny.

Tonight, I will pray for all of those involved, my heart aches for their loss. My sister was tragically taken from us many years ago, but what we went through does not even hold a candle to this calculated event. I will pray that parents in this world begin to realize the responsibility that comes with being a parent. It is way more than clothing and feeding and making sure they have expensive things and it is certainly not something you become to be socially accepted. It is a huge responsibility that you carry as long as you are alive and even beyond the grave because how you raise them affects society as long as THEY live with or without you. We must raise them to be assets to society, not menaces. We need to pay attention to what matters and stop worrying about things that don't. We need to love them enough to punish them when they do wrong and steer them in the right direction. How can we protect them from harm by allowing them to run free when they are headed down a dangerous path or mentally lost in the woods somewhere? We must take responsibility, not only as parents, but as members of society, so much so that if we should see someone that needs help... that we lend a hand or tell someone what we have witnessed that can get them the help they need. We must stop making fun of them, ignoring incidents, looking the other way when we feel uncomfortable, or simply handing them a pill to "control" their behavior.

I often say more than others will, and I am sure there are people who are annoyed by my choice to voice my opinion... and  that's okay, I am content knowing that I spoke up, that I stand up and try to change how people think. I am only one person and can only do so much good and so much harm. What I do know as I lay my head down tonight is that my family and I are protected by the strongest hands of all, and with that thought, I will end this post.

XOXO

~Shells~

Ecclesiastes3:1-4 – To every thing there is a season, a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born, a time to die, a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal, a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.

On the first day of Christmas....

WOW! It is only twelve days until Christmas I cannot believe that! This week, everyone I see has been asking me, "Are you ready for Christmas?" and I keep saying the same thing... "Um... well that requires purchasing gifts right?" HAHA, yep, it's been that kind of -month, but I am GREAT under pressure so it's all good! I am getting excited about it and because of that I am going to do a "Twelve days of Christmas" themed blog. Yep... you will have something inspiring from me EVERYDAY for the next twelve days... that is my Christmas gift to you. The only twist is that instead of what "someone gave to me" it will be "what I give to you." So... here it goes

**On the first day of Christmas this blogger gives to you... a blog post to share with all your friends**

 A lot of people are struggling this year, many people are barely making ends meet, perhaps without jobs, losing their homes and may not even have a Christmas tree. I think about these people, I hurt for these people and I understand these people... I have been those people. It's harder than hard to have children and wonder if you will be able to give them a proper Christmas. I remember years when I had  to go shopping on Christmas Eve because I had no choice in the matter. I was a hairstylist, so I would work until the very last day hoping to make enough to get the tree, and be able to shop for my kids. I remember the way it felt... the stress it involved and the prayers that I said.

Just a few years ago in fact, I went through the worst one yet... which actually turned out to be the best one in the end. It was year before my oldest daughter Cierra would leave for college, I had just given birth to my youngest daughter Abrielle who has Down syndrome in October, and had split up from my ex husband a few months prior to her birth. I barely had enough money in the bank to cover necessities, much less Christmas presents from "Santa". I asked my ex husband to take the younger ones and allow them to have "Santa" as his house. Unfortunately, we were not on good enough terms at the time to "share" this event for the sake of the kids. I managed to make enough money to purchase a few things for each child, but I will never forget how hopeless and defeated I felt knowing I had four children that I could not give "Christmas" to.

As I tried very hard to find optimism in all of my funk, I was determined to make it a good Christmas for my daughter Cierra and I. I remember waking up on Christmas Eve morning and telling my daughter that we were going shopping. She was confused, because she knew I had no money. I said to her... "I have $100 in the bank and Christmas is about giving, not receiving, homeless people have nobody at Christmas, so let's go find some to give gifts to." We headed out to the local Goodwill and bought coats, scarves, blankets, hats and gloves, then we went to a dollar store to buy toothpaste, tooth brushes, combs, razors shaving cream and deodorant. We made out like banshees for under $100. With the left over money, I treated us to lunch as Five Guys and we called it a day. It was exhilarating and I even began to hum Christmas tunes in my head for the first time that season.

On Christmas morning, I made a simple breakfast and we hit a stretch of road that was typically ridden with homeless people. My initial goal was to actually hand people items and wish them a Merry Christmas, however, we spotted a homeless shelter on our hunt. We pulled in and our vehicle was bombarded with volunteers who quickly unloaded the SUV we were in and took off like bandits. I was a little startled and somewhat disappointed at how they handled everything, but nevertheless, I knew we helped some people that day. We hung around for a while and as we walked around, we mingled a bit with the people who were there to get a hot meal and wished a few a Merry Christmas; and because of that our Christmas was merrier than it would have been, and quite honestly for me... it was one of the best ones ever!

As this season of merriness approached ever so rapidly, don't forget what it is truly about... and that is giving. If you find yourself broke on Christmas Eve, get creative... and give of yourself, teach your kids that you don't have to have money to have a Merry Christmas, and don't beat yourself up because you are not the only one in that position. If you know someone who needs to hear this this season, please share this with them.

Come back tomorrow to see what this blogger has for you on second day of Christmas!

xoxo

~Shells~

My Cayman Island Birthday Wish Was....

There is something to be said about having a birthday near the end of the year, because each year on December 5th, (my birthday)... exactly twenty days before Christmas, I often find myself reflecting on the events and accomplishments of that year. Pictures of what has occurred play in my mind like film on a reel; that is, if I am lucky enough to sneak away from the every day hustle and have that moment to myself... thus allowing that precious time to "reflect".

This year, as I turned 39, I was in the beautiful Cayman Islands on a freelance makeup job, I was there all week long on my first "out of the country" gig; that in itself was pretty exciting. I am very thankful for my career for many, many reasons, one being that it presents opportunities that I would not have had otherwise. As a single mom most of my adult life, typical family vacation, let alone exotic travel has not been something I am used to due to the fact that I am always too busy making the bacon, bringing it home, cooking it and then cleaning up. That's not even counting the fact that more times than not, having 4 kids, there was always month left at the end of the money so vacation was simply not in the budget.

I had a little bit of downtime each day last week, to which I was at a loss of what to do. At home, I am always moving... if I am not working at my studio, I am at home working on my computer, or writing, or doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, giving baths, and sometimes when all that is done, I get the time to breathe... or play with my kids a little bit before having to kiss them goodnight.

I must admit that I made my bed every day, (the model Abby that I bunked with thought there was maid service, HA!) I swept the downstairs floors of the house we stayed in a couple of times, cleaned the kitchen after breakfast each day and a few times after dinner and I even did a few loads of laundry. It's a curse... I could not relax,  for more than 20 minutes unless I was asleep. Then, the day of my birthday, I took some time to relax and reflect... and WOW what a year it has been! From buying a home with my boyfriend of two years back in April, relocating my hair and makeup studio to a different county, to my book being published and released in October, I have had a whirlwind of a time. No WONDER I wonder where the year went.

As I reflected, I realized how much I have changed, because that night... I got homesick, I missed my kids, Corey, and my Mom. I even cried quietly in my room because it did not feel right being away from them on such a special day when I am used to getting showered with kisses and hugs even when I don't have birthday cake. I missed my family, instead of being happy that I was free of the responsibility and even though I was in the beautiful Cayman Islands on an exotic tropical trip because of an amazing business opportunity without a care in the world; (except to make some girls beautiful for pictures) my Cayman Island birthday wish was to be home so I could be with my munchkins, and my sweetie doing the daily "do" because that I realized that is what makes my life enjoyable on a daily basis. I love the exotic trips, and all of the wonderful opportunities my career allows me, and I hope they never cease. However this trip definitely made me realize that all of that is simply fluff without something to come home to, and/or something to miss while you are gone. Quite frankly, I think I needed that realization more than the trip itself.


The moral of this blog post is this...

I know that as I shared on Facebook about my upcoming trip to the Islands and as I posted updates each day I was there, I had "Facebook followers & friends"  that envied my being there. They too dream of having those opportunities. What I must say however say is this... never live vicariously through others... live YOUR life and if it's not quite what you want, figure out a plan to MAKE it the life that you want; that is what I wake up to do every day and without that ambition I never would have made it to the Cayman's. Behind the doors of someone else's life, you would likely find the flaws in what appears to be "perfect." Nobody has a perfect life and even when it seems better than yours... the reality is, is that it's not... YOUR life is the best life when you live it to its fullest potential, so GO FOR IT!

Goodnight my Kool-aid drinkers! I hope you missed me as much as I missed inspiring you!

XOXO

~Shells~

Some pictures from my trip... the view on the way in, from my room and the amazing beaches.

A few examples of what I did while I was there...

Pics of my downtime with Chef Billy, Jose the photographer, 

and my bunk-mate/model Abby

 Me being silly... my last look at the ocean, me with 4 of the models at the airport 

and my free rum punch on the way home

Me with my kiddos when I got home!

Me with my sweetie the night after I got home

~THE END~

(until next post, ha!)

Unhealthy Relationships... Perhaps?

If I had a dollar for every time I have had someone ask me how you know when to leave a relationship (guess they consider me an expert at that, ha) I would likely not be blogging right now because I would be too busy touring the world with a fat pocket. Now, I feel I give really good, useful, sound advice on this subject, which usually helps the person asking... but that is key; the person wondering ASKS me. Before you say what do you mean?... (I knew you would think that) I will share what I mean.

I have had more people ask me how to convince a friend or family member that they are in a bad relationship and need to get out, than people who were in it. I always have two words for them,YOU CAN'T! No matter how many times we tell a friend or loved one how awful or unhealthy their relationship is, they will never leave. In fact, it is often human nature to rebel when someone is "telling" you what you "should" be doing. Right? I mean, how many times have you had someone "tell" you what to do instead of "suggest" and you did the exact opposite? How about the overbearing mother who tries to rule your life, who no matter what you do it's not good enough, but yet nobody is good enough for you when you bring girlfriends or boyfriends home? Or a father who did not realize that you "needed" to have the boyfriend he did not like; and when he said, "no", What did you do?

See? Rebellion is typical, normal and well, in ways, necessary to learn from. If you have someone you know who is in a bad situation and you want to help, the best thing that you can do is to be there when they need you, tell them what YOU would do if you were them (which is in turn what you think they should do) and follow it by saying... "but that's just me". It's much less intrusive and they might actually TAKE your advice rather than reject your demands. Bottom line, let THEM make their own decision, stand your ground, but say things like... "you will know when it's time to leave." You will say this because that is the truth. THIS is what works, if you argue abusive with abusive then you get nothing but negative... and no positive= no results.

Now... for those that come to me who are asking my advice on when or if you should leave? Refer to the paragraph above; I practice what I preach. I will listen to what you have to say, ask a few questions and say what I truly feel. I define abusive relationships as...

1: Anyone who is dealing with arguments that lead to, yelling, screaming, name calling, comments that are debilitating, cruel, or spoken to hurt you. Physical contact that is forceful and/or negative.
2. Anyone who is dealing with bullying, constant ridicule, or being forced into doing something that you are not comfortable doing, or that is against your good will. This can mean anything from making you stop going to church, or out with your friends, to making you get plastic surgery to "look" a certain way.

I define unhealthy relationships as:

1. One to which any of the above applies.
2. If obsessive, jealous, neurotic, angry, needy, unforgiving, uncooperative, refuses to communicate, manipulative, never understands, isn't willing to change, or they won't talk about our problems,  could be used to describe who you are in a relationship with.

There are SO many things that are tell tale signs but these are the obvious whoppers that you need to pay attention to. These relationships are unhealthy, they leave you scarred for life... and the only people that overcome and leave this type are people who have a lot of strength. It takes A LOT to leave, however ALL of them should.

When I was going through my second divorce, I had to take a class that taught people how to be "divorced" parents to their children. (don't talk about each other etc.) I knew a lot of it because of common sense, the fact that I had already dealt with divorce,  and my love for psychology... but the most powerful and useful thing I learned was this, and I quote:

"It has been proven that it is easier to quit heroine than it is to leave an abusive relationship."

When I heard that, it was coming out of the teachers mouth right after I explained the type of relationship I had ended while I was pregnant with my 3rd child. (the one that had led me to this class) She shook my hand, and said, "You are a very strong woman... it has been proven that it is easier to quit heroine than it is to leave an abusive relationship." I was floored! I ended my first marriage at age 22, we had a daughter who was 4, I owned a home and a business, then my second marriage was ended while I was pregnant, I had a 1 year old, a 17 year old getting ready to leave for college and a 9 year old at home, I had two business's and no family around.  I stopped getting upset with people when I knew they were staying in an unhealthy relationship, I understood, that what I had done... twice, was harder than I even gave myself credit for.

I will tell you, that if you want to leave someone and you are scared, that is normal. If you believe you can do it... you can. I will also tell you however that YOU have to be ready to leave more than you want to stay. If you don't, then you need more time; time that if you don't give yourself, will lead you right back into that relationship again and again until you are.

So... that is my Dr. Phil, advice tonight. I offer this advice not with knowledge I gained from obtaining a degree in psychology, I am not a licensed counselor of ANY kind... the knowledge or wisdom if you will allow me to call it that, that I am sharing is from living through it myself. It may not work for you exactly like it did for me, we are all different. However I will tell you that yes... it's hard, yes, you will be on an emotional roller coaster, and you will second guess your second guessing; that's all normal. It does get easier, if it was the right decision.

Wishing all of you healthy happy relationships. ALL of the above can apply to friendships as well.

xoxo

~Shelley~

This is my daughter Baleigh a couple of years ago in a kissing booth! HAHA