Mirror Mirror on the Wall..... a Thought on Reflection

There is a tremendous energy pouring out into my words tonight. As I slid on my headphones, cued up my instrumental music and closed my eyes to pray over the delivery of my message to you, an unexpected tear rolled down my face and I wasn't quite sure if it was a happy tear or just a powerful little moment of reflection. It has been quite a week, a roller coaster of emotions as many thoughts have been swirling around in my head. This is not to say that this isn't a usual occurrence for me, but this week has been a little more intense than normal; dramatic change will do that for you.

This message is going to speak loudly to someone, maybe it's you... maybe it is someone that you know that you'll share it with... all I know is that my intuitive energy is saying that THIS is going to be an important post for someone who reads it.

REFLECTION

The other night as I lay awake in bed reflecting on things past, present and the hopes for a beautiful future, I thought about the many years that I did not like who I was as a person. I found myself recalling the actions and experiences that made me the person I had a hard time looking at. I did all I could to pretend that I was someone else to gain acceptance from those around me. As years went on, I hid my anger, frustrations, shame, sadness, and emptiness from everyone; there was a lot of it. I used to stare in the mirror and wonder who I really was, I felt as though I had actually lost myself somewhere along the way.

It wasn't until years later, I realized that it wasn't that I had lost who I was... It was that I had never really figured out WHO I actually was simply because the time was never spent getting to know the real ME. I was too busy submerged in the circumstances, and experiences trying to fake it, trying to be who everyone else expected me to be. I had not yet defined who I truly wanted to be and how I could become that person. It was even later still that I realized I was actually responsible for creating what others saw in me; it was with that discovery that everything began to change. My actions, my priorities, visions of my future; I shudder at the thought of where I once was, how far I have come and all that I have and continue to learn about myself in the process.

PERCEPTION

We all perceive ourselves as this "person" and when we look at our reflection in the mirror we see that "person" staring back at us. Have you ever thought about the fact that YOU have only seen your reflection? You have NEVER and never will be able to see yourself as others see you... it's basically impossible. Let that soak in for a minute. Close your eyes after reading this sentence and think about what you feel when you stare at yourself in the mirror.... what do you see?

AVOIDANCE

Now... do you like that person or do you avoid staring at your reflection because you are filled with feelings of regret, shame, guilt, or disgust? Do you fail to see the beauty because all you see are flaws? Do you see only mistakes, bad choices, or the pain that you and others around you have caused? Do you see wrinkles, tired eyes and a solemn face, or is there still a smile? What you avoid multiplies... what you face, gets resolved. What are you scared to face? What are you avoiding?

DISBELIEF

How many times has someone told you that you look like a celebrity and you found it surprising? How about when someone sees a quality in you or compliments you on something that almost makes you feel uncomfortable or comes across as ingenuine because you simply cannot see it yourself?People are not crazy... they just have the unique ability to see in us what we often cannot see ourselves. Maybe it's time to start believing they are right and accepting it as truth; that is the hard part. Even harder is accepting these things when you can't even look at yourself in the mirror. Have you taken the time to define who you are, to really get to know YOU and create who you want everyone else to see?

EPITAPH

I often think of my epitaph... and what I want it to be. After years of figuring out what makes me tick, through self discovery and reflection, I sometimes think of what others will say about me when I am gone. It's not that I care if people like me or not, but rather the legacy I will leave behind. When you think of things in this perspective, something may click inside of you like it did me.

People around us die every single day and although all are missed initially, the ones whose absence is felt by many for long periods of time are those that took the time to develop a reflection to be proud of; to create a life of significance that touched the hearts and lives of others deeply; THAT is who I want to be so that my existence matters, so that I make a difference in someone's life while I am here, even if they only knew me for a moment. I want to be proud of myself even if nobody else is. THAT is what matters to me. I want to use every single gift God gave me to do good; one of the reasons you are reading this blog right now was me wanting to take my trials and failures and share them with you. There is nothing wrong with, but everything wrong with not enjoying your own reflection or in these days of social media... enjoying your"selfie".

I catch myself looking at people's self portraits on social media and find that they often tell a story. Some tell a story of triumph while others tell a story of tragedy. Some people are crying out while others are shouting to the rooftops that THEY LIKE WHO THEY ARE! (and well, then some are just plain narcissistic.)

A SPIRITUAL TWIST

What does God see? How does He perceive us? Have you ever asked yourself this question? Perhaps you have avoided God altogether because of your own inability to look at that person in the glass. Maybe you are telling yourself that you are faithful while still doubting your worthiness. That used to be me. I had made so many mistakes, and was so ashamed of myself and my decisions and failures. I  felt alone, angry and empty. It wasn't until I learned that God sees us all in light, in glory that He gave to us, that our imperfections are what gives Him a reason to step in and perfect us. We are all seeds of perfection waiting to be watered and bathed in the sun of His grace if we can just BELIEVE that we are worth it. That is the life He wants for you, and in reality, it's the life we want for ourselves. CLAIM IT!!!!


YOU ARE WORTH IT

You are forgiven. Ask and you shall receive, but you have to TAKE what is given to you. We are all molded by experience, all of us shaped through shame and failure. Some of us accept these things and find our way through hope and grace while others continue to drown in the cold and emptiness falling back right where God wanted to pick us up from. Reach for His hand... it is outstretched and waiting for you to grab hold..

GROWTH

My words were not always so faithful, in fact as the past few years brought on more confusing trials and pain, my faith grew substantially, and I grew so much as a person. Sometimes I feel that with every stage of growth I am set farther and farther apart from everyone around me, and that reality can feel pretty lonely. It is hard to connect with people when they can't seem to connect with where you are in life. In these times I pray, and ask for the right people to fall into my path and have faith that one day I will be fulfilled... I know that day will come.


MOMENT OF TRUTH

I encourage you today to stare at your reflection... for longer than a minute, truly look deeply into it and decide what you need to change, face what you have been avoiding and give YOURSELF your all. Begin to see what others see, by simply believing it as truth. For me... that meant facing some harsh realities. What others saw was an egotistical know it all who thought she was better than everyone else, and men saw me as someone who was vulnerable and easy to fool into "love", because I lacked it, even for myself. Kind of funny how contrary that was to who I saw when I looked in that mirror. The person I saw was a broken soul, in need of saving. I was trying to prove myself to the world because my self esteem was so low I felt I was proof of nothing. I drank to drown my shame, had no self worth and gave what value I did have away to anyone who would give me attention and make me feel loved, but it wasn't true... it was false and this left me insecure, lonely and empty.

When I faced what others saw and decided that was NOT how I wanted my story written, not the person I wanted to be known as, I changed. When will you change? Are you ready for something different?

Until next time....

PURSUE WHAT YOU HOPE FOR; LEAVE BEHIND WHAT YOU WISH TO FORGET.... 

xoxo

Shells

WWW.THESGIARDGROUP.COM

I HOPE THAT YOU WILL:

SHARE THIS POST

Follow me on Facebook

www.facebook.com/ShelleyD.Giard

www.facebook.com/theSGiardgroup

Follow me on Twitter

https://twitter.com/shelleygiard

                

      WWW.SHELLEYGIARD.COM

  

                   IF YOU LIKE MY BLOGS, YOU WILL LOVE MY BOOK

           To purchase a signed copy 

         click here>> www.ineedthehappyending.com

              

         to read reviews and purchase it on Amazon

                                              

                                                      

                                                  click here>>> http://amzn.to/1oki1qR 

             

CONQUERING Insecurity, Low Self Esteem and Self Destruction

On Monday of last week I wrote a blog about insecurity, low self esteem, and self destruction. I was talking about how many people compare themselves to others on a regular basis and that when you do this, how it creates both negative and destructive thoughts. When you compare yourself to others you are no longer focused on you... how to overcome your obstacles, how to push forward in your life and how to improve your own situation because all of your energy is focused on what someone else is doing.  Although I did not do this for much of my life, there was a period of time when I was not where I wanted to be, so I began comparing myself to others around me that WERE where I wanted to be. I was so focused on what they had that I did not have; the resources, the relationships, the money... that my own life stood still and at one point started moving backward. Comparing myself to others only led me to excuses of why I could not accomplish what I wanted to. It was then, that I realized that it was that very behavior that was holding me back more than anything else.

My promise in last Monday's blog was to address the 5 scenarios that I threw out and give you some advice on how to deal with them in a mentally healthy way, so as promised here are the scenarios and my suggestions on how to deal with them UNLIKE most people.

 1.
You have worked really hard for a promotion at work, you feel really good when you find that a position is opening up knowing you have it "in the bag" only to find out they gave the job to someone who was less qualified, had been there less time, younger, better looking and more charismatic. How would you feel?

MOST PEOPLE get angry, upset, resentful and hurt. They feel that it was unfair and allow these toxic feelings affect the performance at work, their mood at home and some even fall into a self destructive pattern of thinking that if  they were not good enough for the job that they are not good enough for anything. Self doubt and a hurt ego can really take a toll if you are not careful.

THE HEALTHIER CHOICE would be to chalk it up as an opportunity to grow, maybe you could improve a skill, get a new look to give yourself a boost, and just know that this was not meant to be for whatever reason. Carrying around grudges against your boss or the person who landed the job will only hurt you, not them.

2.
There is a boy or girl you like at school/work you are nervous about letting them know, however you gain the nerves and when you finally ask them out or confess your feelings, they laugh, snicker and walk away. The next day people are teasing you in the hallway about it and laughing because he told them. How do you feel?

MOST PEOPLE would want to crawl in a hole. They would be embarrassed and hurt and I can see why. This affects your ego, confidence in yourself and could very easily keep you from ever taking that chance again.

THE HEALTHIER CHOICE would be to carry on. Look yourself in the mirror and say..." It's his/her loss. I am a great person and they don't deserve me." If they are superficial, TRUST me, they would never appreciate a person like you anyway. If they ran and told all their friends? Immature alert; not partner material at all, so consider it a saving grace. Hold your head up high and try, try again, you WILL find someone to appreciate all that you are.

3.
Your husband or wife means the world to you, the love and support you get from them is something you hold very dear, but when you approach them with a new idea or tell them of something that you have hope to accomplish, they seem less than excited or maybe even upset that you would even think of such a thing and totally discourage you. How does that make you feel?

MOST PEOPLE would be mad, crushed and would likely give up on their goal. Your bubble just got busted by the one you love most and without that support you could never do it anyway. I have been there... and MAN, it hurts. What i realized though is that it's not always malicious. Sometimes they just can't see the vision in your head and it is up to you to make it happen so they can. If  it is malicious then take that red flag and run.

THE HEALTHIER CHOICE would be to know that YOU CAN DO IT without any support and you may even inspire that person in the end with your drive and ambition. Don;t let your vision and ambitions be squashed by ANYONE! I allow my nay-sayer's to light the fire under my butt... tell me I can't, say that you won't support me? Watch me do it anyway!

4.
You have been working really hard in the gym to get yourself in shape, you are really proud of what you have accomplished until you see your friend who has been doing the same thing. Their abs are tighter, their butt is rounder, their waist is smaller and their legs and arms have more definition than you ever think will possible for you. How do you feel?

MOST PEOPLE would feel inadequate, like their effort is not paying off. I have known some to even stop doing what they are doing to improve their health and go back to their old habits thinking they can never look like they want to anyway.

THE HEALTHIER CHOICE is to face that EVERYTHING you do to improve is WELL worth the effort, I could care less what someone else is doing. You are doing this for YOU not for them and the moment you realize that what YOU do matters more than what they do your life will do a 180.

5.
Your friend has found the "perfect" guy or girl, they have the "perfect job"  the "perfect" house and they drive the "perfect" car; you can't get a date, have a so-so job, no house yet and an okay car. How do you feel?

MOST PEOPLE feel less than adequate. They feel that no matter what they do they will never "have it all". Sometimes this leads to bad habits, settling for less than you deserve or feeling insecure about your entire life. If you allow this to set in, you are right... you will never have it all.

THE HEALTHIER CHOICE would be to learn to cherish what you DO have and stop worrying about what you don't have. Many people's lives seem "perfect" on the outside but inside are a complete shambles. Just because they seem to have it all does not make what you have any less. Be proud of where you are, and if you are not where you want to be, focus your energy on how to get there.


The key to getting what you want in life is to be the square peg... the trendsetter, the one who speaks up for what you believe in, the one who does the exact opposite of what everyone else is doing and who hold their confident head high while doing so. If you walk through like in comparison... you will never become the one that people are comparing themselves to. Which would YOU rather be?

As always

Have an awesome week! 

xoxo

Shells

FEEL FREE TO:

SHARE THIS POST

Follow me on Facebook

www.facebook.com/ShelleyD.Giard

Follow me on Twitter

https://twitter.com/shelleygiard

Purchase my book

https://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore/book.php?w=978-1-62563-858-8

www.ineedthehappyending.com

Insecurity, Low Self Esteem and Self Destruction

No, this is NOT a  warm and fuzzy topic, it's more of a self help topic actually. I felt it in my heart to write about these things for two reasons; one is I've been there, done that... and could honestly write an entire book on them (which I likely will) and two... I am sure that many of you deal with one or all of the above mentioned on a frequent, if not daily basis no matter if you are male or female. I thought perhaps you could use some encouragement to strengthen your will against these beastly things. Today's world makes it very hard for us NOT to be insecure. Not only are we surrounded by constant photos, shows and flashy things that can easily make us feel less than adequate, but security in your self esteem or self worth no matter how strong can be broken in an instant with one good blow from someone you care about, love, or perhaps even a comment from a complete stranger. What we are surrounded by on a daily basis can easily send us down an immediate path of self destruction... I know this because I have lived it.

I am going to throw out a few scenario's; some that I have heard about in my many years of being a   hairstylist/makeup artist/mentor, and yes... once even a bartender; I have certainly heard my share of stories. A few of these scenarios have actually happened to me and because of that, I see things through different glass than some. As you read them, think about how YOU would feel if you were on the receiving end of things... make note of  how you would feel and you may just learn something about yourself that you did not know.

1.
You have worked really hard for a promotion at work, you feel really good when you find that a position  is opening up knowing you have it "in the bag" only to find out they gave the job to someone who was less qualified, had been there less time, younger, better looking and more charismatic. How would you feel?

2.
There is a boy or girl you like at school/work you are nervous about letting them know, however you gain the nerves and when you finally ask them out or confess your feelings, they laugh, snicker and walk away. The next day people are teasing you in the hallway about it and laughing because he told them. How do you feel?

3.
Your husband or wife means the world to you, the love and support you get from them is something you hold very dear, but when you approach them with a new idea or tell them of something that you have hope to accomplish, they seem less than excited or maybe even upset that you would even think of such a thing and totally discourage you. How does that make you feel?

4.
You have been working really hard in the gym to get yourself in shape, you are really proud of what you have accomplished until you see your friend who has been doing the same thing. Their abs are tighter, their butt is rounder, their waist is smaller and their legs and arms have more definition than you ever think will possible for you. How do you feel?

5.
Your friend has found the "perfect" guy or girl, they have the "perfect job"  the "perfect" house and they drive the "perfect" car; you can't get a date, have a so-so job, no house yet and an okay car. How do you feel?



These are very realistic and common scenarios that happen to people every day. In fact, if you have never had any of these things happen to you leaving you feeling sad, hurt,confused, mad, or worthless then welcome to an exclusive club, you may even be the only member. Point being, that we have all had a similar if not spot on scenario happen at some moment in our life when the strength in our self esteem was challenged. The hardest thing to do is stay strong and not care what someone else thinks, but THAT is the only way to overcome and avoid destructive self talk, self worthlessness, and depression.

The moment you compare yourself to someone else, you have lost the race. There will ALWAYS be someone more talented, more attractive, more resourceful, more comical, wealthier etc etc. If you worry about them how can you EVER focus on you? That is 90% of the problem? What kind of mental house are you building? Are you feeding Jealousy? Resentment? Anger? Animosity? Or will you make the decision to build YOU, to build onto what you have already achieved and all that you hope to accomplish? Think about that for the rest of the week and put yourself in the receiving shoes. Are you dishing out what you want back? Only YOU can answer that honestly with heart and once you do; something amazing happens...  a change in character may be exactly what your life is missing. Come back this weekend for my suggestions on how to deal with the above scenarios in a positive, productive and healthy way.

Goodnight  everyone... as always

Have an awesome week! 

xoxo

Shells

FEEL FREE TO:

SHARE THIS POST

Follow me on Facebook

www.facebook.com/ShelleyD.Giard

Follow me on Twitter

https://twitter.com/shelleygiard

Purchase my book

https://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore/book.php?w=978-1-62563-858-8

www.ineedthehappyending.com

“Do You See What I See?”

This post comes straight from the heart… the gut, the innermost part of my mind. It spun from a recent encounter I had with a young girl I met who shared some of her “private thoughts” with me.  She was upset and angry lashing out at the people around her. When I asked her to open up and tell me what was wrong, she sobbed and said… “I am not perfect!” I looked at her almost in shock, hugged her tight and said “Sweetheart, nobody is perfect… we are all imperfect and it is because of those imperfections that we are all different in the eyes of God, and He has a purpose for each one of us. As we continued to talk, she shared what made her insecure, she shared that some of the closest people to her including her parents constantly pointed out her “imperfections” and that she also had issues at school with some of her classmates. My heart broke for her as I continued to console her telling her that she needed to not only love herself for who she was inside but that she needed to accept and love who she was on the outside. I was baffled that what I saw as I looked at her is not what she saw when she looked at herself in the mirror; she was in fact a very beautiful girl. Word of others had messed with her so badly that her reflection gave her nothing but imperfections.

This reminds me of something a friend of mine once wrote:

“You have never seen yourself in person, just reflections and pictures. There's a theory that says if you saw a clone of yourself, you wouldn't recognize it as you, because our idea of what we look like is so different from what we actually look like.” Tony Foradini-Campos

The majority of people today are their own worst critic; in fact, people beat themselves up unreasonably both physically and mentally based on a reflection they see in the mirror. They look at that image staring back and critique every single inch without once saying something good. Maybe it’s the few extra pounds, the fact that they are aging, a little too short, a little too tall, a little too skinny, losing hair, getting more wrinkles than face creams and procedures can iron out, and it is done in front of their kids. All of this while trying to instill in them to be thankful for what God has given them? What they SEE is us… society picking ourselves and everyone else apart and they begin to do the same.

Then, of course, there are those that are blinded by their own light portraying much more than they really are. They spend a lot of time, energy and money to look great and then share it with everyone. They tell us every time they go to the gym, they post every single healthy meal they eat, how they put on their makeup and we know every single time they get their hair cut, colored or styled because they post it. They spend so much time trying to prove to the world that they are awesome, that they have an awesome family, awesome spouses and awesome friends that they don’t realize how “not awesome” it is to always talk about their awesomeness. I have a few people in my life like this and although I love them for other qualities, the fact that I also know how painfully insecure they are makes me sad because I know they are simply trying to HIDE behind the appearance instead of mending their heart. They don’t realize that what they need is a makeover on the inside; healing from within from all that haunts them from their past. They need to add value to the lives of others as much as they can and while it is totally okay to share their own  triumphs, accomplishments and victory’s, they also need to celebrate those things for people around them. These people often pick apart others and point out their faults and shortcomings.

Finally, there are those who are the way God wants us to be… they love what God has given them and welcome what he continues to provide. They make the most of everything they have and give to others constantly. They celebrate others, lift others up and although they may share happy things that are going on in their own lives… they share the wonders happening in the lives of others they know and do what they can to lift the spirits of those around them.  They recognize and own up to what is not right in their life or their personality and spend time on getting it right on the inside instead of  trying to camouflage everything with their appearance. They recognize and focus on the traits and qualities of themselves and others rather than on looks and labels. Without makeup they have no shame… they will post a picture smiling in their sweats and bed head without hesitation because they are truly proud and comfortable with who they are. These people may also be beautiful to look at ; as beauty resonates from within because of who they are.  

In a world full of false and phony, we have to remember how God sees us. We have to remember that although the outside may be important to us, what’s important is what kind of person we are on the inside and how we treat others.  We have to picture people asking us… “Do you see what I see?” and must be true to ourselves in answering that question. We must to set the right examples for our children by treating our bodies with care and kindness. We have to feed it what it needs to stay healthy and vibrant not what we want as an indulgence. We are given one life, and we must value it and live it the way it was intended if we hope to get the most out of it. We can walk with pride but not in what we have created… but rather in what God has created.

“Because you only see a physical reflection when you look in the mirror,

 it does not tell the story of who you really are.

If mirrors could show the image of your heart, that would truly be something.”

Shelley Giard

 XOXO

~Shells~

Follow me on Facebook

www.facebook.com/ShelleyD.Giard

Follow me on Twitter

https://twitter.com/shelleygiard

Buy a copy of my inspirational memoir 

www.ineedthehappyending.com

Watch my retouching course on Kelby Training

http://kelbytraining.com/author/shelley-giard/

Feeling Like You Are Not Good Enough?

We all have those moments... when we feel like we just aren't good enough. Maybe it's a failing marriage or relationship, perhaps a job loss, demotion, loss of a home or the simple fact that we are not where we wanted to be at this point in our lives. We constantly compare ourselves to people who are doing more, have more and live what "appears" to be a better life than us.


 I am here to tell you that this feeling is normal and expected from time to time; but I am also here to tell you that when you have those moments you need to THINK AGAIN! Society has ruined our culture... the pressures of always needing to win; success being defined by expensive cars, huge homes filled with lavish, overpriced furniture and accessorized with things we never use. We are defined by $200 jeans, $500 shoes $2,000 hand bags and if we can't afford these things, we are "not good enough".

Being a mother, I do everything I can to teach my children that these things do NOT define who they are or how good they are and only compliment them if they have a good character to begin with. It makes me sick that my eleven year old gets picked on because she isn't on "Instagram" or that she doesn't have an "Iphone". She is 11! She has no business being on "Instagram", Facebook or Twitter, nor does she need a cell phone that costs that much attached to her hip. The ONLY time she gets to use her modest phone is when she is kicking it around the neighborhood and I need to know where she is and when she wants to yack on the phone with her friends; rules apply with this "phone" and if she doesn't follow them privileges go BUH -by! If she wants an Iphone, she can work to save money and buy one herself... how about THAT for a "reality lesson."

If you constantly compare yourself to other people, ESPECIALLY people who make more money than you, you will ALWAYS feel inferior if "things" are what define you. However, if you compare your character to other people's, perhaps your tune will change to a more positive jingle. When you don't make six figures, you don't make six figures. You can do one of three things... be depressed about it, do what it takes to make six figures, or just be thankful for what you have and realize that being a good person says way more in the long run than a six figure income. I used to feel inferior because there was a time in my life when I was just trying to make sure my electric and water stayed on, and quite frankly I felt worthless , like I had nothing to offer anyone. During that time, I accepted things I should never have accepted from men that I dated because I "felt" that's all I was worth. However if I had the mindset I have now back then I would have walked with my head high knowing that I worked my butt off as a single mother to give my  kids a nice home, clothes they could be proud of and that I was teaching them values, a good work ethic, and what it meant to never give up on your dreams. I was a good person who cared for others and THAT was worth way more than the credit I gave it. I would have made different choices and expected the best instead of settling for less. Although I can look back and wish I had known better, if I had not evolved from that time to who I am today, I would not have this wisdom; so I am okay to have lived it.

I encourage you to pull yourself out of that hole, don't allow your defeats to define your success. You ARE successful at something no matter WHAT your circumstances are; be proud of that. If you are not living the life you hoped to live, I can assure you that staying wrapped up in feelings of failure will absolutely prevent you from EVER getting that life. If you change your "stinkin' thinkin" then you clear your mind and allow it to drive in a positive gear... when that road opens up, miraculous things can happen and pretty soon you may just be living the life you always wanted.

Reflect on these thoughts over the weekend; Do you beat yourself up? Do you feel worthless? Do you feel like a failure? Are those feelings actually VALID or are you simply comparing yourself to others and not giving yourself credit for your successes? Be yourself, be PROUD of you, and if you are NOT a good person, then WORK ON THAT and forget the Mercedes... 

A bad person behind the wheel of a Mercedes is still a bad person, but a good person behind the wheel of a rusty old beater means more than most give it credit for!

XOXO

~Shells~