Hello.... It's Been A While

THE LAST TIME I WROTE

December 5th, 2016, my 43rd birthday... I wrote a blog post from a hospital room where I was with my youngest daughter. She had a random seizure and stopped breathing the day before. It was the scariest day of my life but also the most significant.


As I sat to write this revival blog post tonight, I re-read it and got moved inside all over again. One thing I LOVE about the written word is that the feelings and emotion behind them last a lifetime; each time eyes scan the page. Just like a song, you are sent back in time to a place where you once were. Sometimes we need those reminders over and over again. I was meant to read that post again tonight.

When life gets tough, it is very easy to fall into the depths of misery, of  pain, sorrow and frustration of what surrounds us. However when we allow that, we stay there and never leave. Nobody truly wants to stay, yet so many cannot escape when the storms of life consume them.


THAT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE YOU

I can't tell you what to do, I can't tell you how to live your life, but I can encourage you and tell you that this too shall pass. I can tell you that I've been there... that I am there right now and I am fighting it with everything in me to stay strong... and I will win.

You see, everyone assumes that the strong ones never have a hard time... that we can just run through without stopping. People even say it... " You are strong, you will make it through" they say it with such definite assumption that we don't need a shoulder to cry on, a hand to help us stand back up, a little push towards the finish line, that hearing those words will anger us if we are quick to respond..

WE ALL NEED SUPPORT

Life will attack you when you are on the path that you were meant for... and the closer you get to the finish line, the harder the hits will come. My only explanation is that it takes mental toughness and lots of strength to achieve greatness, to be all that you were meant to be, and so, if this is where you stand right now, know that you are in the preparation phase, so punch back harder.

You see, not everyone gets to experience these moments of growth because not all people discover their purpose in life. You may have found your purpose, don't ignore it. CHASE IT and move the obstacles and things that hold you back out of the way with a force that makes a statement.

YOU WILL NOT STOP ME!

YOU WILL NOT BREAK ME! 

I WILL CONQUER THIS TOO!

REALIZE THAT YOU MUST CHOOSE

So... life has you down, things are not coming together as you had planned... so what will you do?

You have two choices:

GIVE UP

OR

MOVE FORWARD

Give up... and you'll never move forward. Move forward and you will become exactly who you were meant to be as long as you never give up.

Time is all we have... so spend that time focusing on where you are going, not where you are. Use where you have been only as a reminder that you have already made it through so much... that you will never be there again and that you can conquer just like you did before.

I encourage you tonight to pick yourself up, wipe those tears, shed that anger, brush the dirt off your kneecaps and run against that wind. Let your hair blow and leave the past behind you. Your path awaits you and there is so much to fight for.

   xoxo
~Shells~

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Going After The Happy Ending....

I NEEDED SOME QUIET TIME
Tonight, as I sit here, eager to blog after a much needed break, I am not sure how it will pour out. It's been over a month since I last wrote. My kids and I were moving into a new home, so in the nooks and crannies of being a busy, single career mom, I only gave myself a month to pack up a 2500 sq. ft house...(In hind sight? probably should have given myself more time.)

Needless to say, I was burned out, and feeling a bit overwhelmed in some areas of life, so I decided to take some "quiet" time for myself. Sometimes, in order to find balance, I temporarily remove things from this often overflowing plate. Unfortunately, my blog is one of those things that I don't "HAVE" to do. It's more of what I enjoy doing; that favorite hobby that even though I prefer not to, I can and must put on the back burner once in a while. I  love to inspire you and quite honestly, it's very therapeutic for me to do so. I appreciate you reading and sharing... I want you to know that.

Taking that break was a great idea after all. I am starting to feel alive again, and even in the imperfect moments, I push through. Finding the bright side is truly second nature to me at this point. I have heaved enough hurdles, swallowed enough disappointments and overcome enough obstacles to last a lifetime... (and it actually feels like they have lasted that long.)


NOW THAT THE DUST HAS SETTLED
After getting settled into the new home last week, I was able to attend my new church for the first time, and attended again today. After an INCREDIBLE two weeks of worship and amazing messages, I was moved to get back to writing, (now that I am out of cardboard hell.)

In this season of life, I find that every message I hear gets closer and closer to my heart and know that it is certainly more than coincidence. I feel God himself is speaking to me, telling me what I need to hear like a soft whisper. It is very comforting, and makes me feel so well taken care of as I continue to pray upon a few areas of life that I just can't seem to get right.

DIGGING IN
As I travel down a completely new road of life, I am feeling a spiritual need to dig  further into the depths of my past... my present, and hopes for my future. I felt the need to write down lessons that I have learned, am learning now and ones I feel I still need to learn. I felt it would help me remind myself how far I have come, where I am now and to get more excited about where I hope to go. Perspective is everything, and often even though we are moving forward, it feels instead like we are treading water as we go after something.

STOPPING TO SOAK IT IN 
If we don't stop and breathe for a bit, to reflect and plan ahead, we will end up getting lost in our travels. Tomorrow (August 19th) marks what would have been my oldest sister's 51st birthday if she were still here. It was my first official day back to the grind since the move so I have declared it the first day of the rest of my life in her honor.

I refuse to make the same mistakes anymore, I promise myself to stay true to my values, morals, ethics and goals. I will expect more and stop accepting less than what I am worth. I will choose to limit  my time spent to those who show the desire to spend time with me. Chasing dreams is fun and exciting, chasing people, not so much.

It's amazing what you realize when you are truly honest with yourself... what happens when you sit with pen and paper and write down your mistakes and decisions and how they affected your life. It gives you clarity and helps you realize exactly what NOT to do again and exactly what to do in order to fix it, to change it. Everything good begins with change.

DON'T GIVE UP, TAKE A CHANCE
Are you TRULY happy in all aspects of your life right now? If you are, then job well done, you better cherish that! If not, what can YOU do to change your position? What is it that holds you back? What cycles are you repeating that keep you in a vicious circle of what you don't want? Are you taking chances or staying safe?

For some, taking chances is all they have ever done... (ahem, me) and for others, chances are what they have never taken and wonder why they stand still. Safety nets may catch you when you fall, but the exciting part is being shot out of the canon... the feeling you get while you are flying cannot be described nor duplicated.


MY HAPPY ENDING AWAITS... SO DOES YOURS
The 3 year anniversary of my book releasing on Amazon is October 20th... just a couple of days away. I plan to write a few hours each night until my next book is complete starting that day. I did it once, I can do it again. Focus... dedication and perseverance will get me to that "Happy Ending" that I so desire. The blessing lies in being happy while I go after it.

One day... I will be married to the man God wants me to have, or live happily in the fact of never marrying for the reasons I should have had. I will live the abundant life He promises, I will reach all my goals and LIVE OUT my dreams... because that is what being faithful means; believing that your "Happy Ending" is there even when it's not able to be seen yet.

Are you waiting for yours? Is it right in front of you or in the far far distance? It is up to you to not let it pass you by, pay attention, pursue it, GO AFTER IT and once you have it, NEVER let it go.

Until next time....

PURSUE WHAT YOU HOPE FOR; LEAVE BEHIND WHAT YOU WISH TO FORGET.... 

and  for that ONE special person that I know God is creating for me... 

I can't wait to live this life with you

xoxo

Shells

WWW.THESGIARDGROUP.COM

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An Uncertain Destiny... A Purposeful Prayer

Tonight, before I sat to write, I had the opportunity to create a peaceful candlelit atmosphere around me. This is something that I have not been able to do in a long time. I am thankful for this sense of peace in such an unsettled time in my life. There are a lot of things in limbo right now; many big changes ahead and quite frankly I am putting FULL FAITH in God right now because that is the only thing I feel I have on my side; it's enough.

I certainly did not see myself here at this point in life. 41 years old seems an age when things should be settled and content. I pictured it very different than it is... but life has a way of surprising you; mine more often than not. Three steps forward... two steps back; are the way things go while others seem to run marathons around me. Life is not always what it seems... "theirs" isn't either and I must keep that in my mind and sight.

THE REALITY
It is hard, I must admit to scroll through social media, seeing photos and posts of anniversaries, engagements, weddings and traditional families with a mom, dad, and kids doing things that families do in the summertime. Attending backyard cookouts, going on vacations... the togetherness, the commitment that I've never really had; at least not in the way it was meant to be... a married, committed couple raising a family together. I have 4 beautiful children who I feel have missed out on that beauty and although I give them all I can, I will share with you tonight that there are many moments when I can't help but feel their voids.

THE PAIN
As a parent, you want to give your kiddos everything they need, so it pains me when I simply can't. My daughters have never been to a daddy/daughter dance nor can I offer my son dude time fishing or playing ball. This is something that so many women take for granted and rarely realize how lucky they are. I look at photos and read posts and think "What did I do wrong? What did I miss?" I know my kids will be okay, but I must teach them what "family" is supposed to look like. I need to teach my daughters how to be a good wife and my son how to be a good husband; it's a challenge when you are flying solo.

What I have to constantly swallow is that my choices led me here; that is the hard lesson I am supposed to share tonight. It is what God put on my heart as I prayed for a blog topic. It's a harsh reality that our choices DO matter and we will always have to live with them. Although it is hard to admit our mistakes, when we do, we open ourselves up to forgiveness of ourselves... forgiveness of others and are able to move on the best we know how.

THE POINT
There are two messages that I want to get across in this post, one is, know that your life is exactly where it is supposed to be right now... even if it is uncertain, even if it sucks... even if it makes no sense at all. Clarity will come if you keep your eyes open and your heart warm. The second is to say PLEASE appreciate your partner or spouse for all that they do. So many people on the outside looking in wish they had what you do. When you take someone worth while for granted there is an injustice to their hearts and their future once the relationship falls apart... and trust me, it will. This kind of pain runs deep and scars you to the core.

THE PEACE
For a faithful person like myself... God has removed many of my pains of the past, however once in a while I still feel voids and sadness, so tonight I will pray that once again He takes these feelings away. I am not alone... and neither are you. Even in the lonely times we have someone looking after our hearts, our lives and our future. When you can put trust in that, these moments will only be mere moments; not a lifetime, and the blessings will rise to the top.

Be thankful, be thoughtful and realize all that you are blessed with and know that you will continue to be blessed if your faith continues to grow.

Until next time... be faithful

xoxo

Shells

WWW.THESGIARDGROUP.COM

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To Father's Everywhere... YOU ARE SO IMPORTANT

As Father's Day came to a close this evening, I felt a need to write something from my heart , something special in reflection, in honor of all the wonderful Father's out there; I wanted you to know just how important you truly are just in case you did not hear that this weekend.

When I think of my dad, I will always cherish his amazing voice, bellowing laugh and great smile... I love holding his rough, calloused carpenter's hands and the smell of sawdust that seems to seep from his skin is still one of my favorite aroma's.

The joy I find in serving others with my talents comes from watching him for years and even to this day share his talents, always building things for free or at a fraction of the cost, just because he loves what he does or how he loves strumming on his guitar and sharing his love for music.
Our relationship may not be perfect, and there may be things I wish we had that I know we may never have, but no matter what, I Love my Dad and celebrated that today by sharing these thoughts with him. 

It's certainly a man's world; larger salaries for the same credentials, more credit for career accomplishments and men certainly hold the long end of the stick when it comes to the process of creating and bringing a child into this world; so yes... Mom's get most of the credit when it comes to birthing and rearing a child for that reason. As a single mom of 4, I can say with or without a husband, career or no career, the role of a mom/wife is a tough one, but I am also a female who truly appreciates a good father when she sees one; I will be the first to say that good father's need more praise and credit.

Females accept the responsibility and assume the role of motherhood when they have a child; like it or not, it's just what we do. Although it does happen, it is rare to hear of a Mom abandoning her children, yet you see children without fathers every day because a man can simply cut ties and walk away. They choose to assume the role and play a part or not... it's just how it is and men bail frequently or simply exist in the lives of their kids but never give to their kids what a father should.

It takes a lot to be a good father; a man who makes a child does not always earn the title. Simply put, not all men possess the "natural instinct" of being a father, while others claim it, realize the responsibility of it, absorb it, bask in it, enjoy it and do what it takes to raise that child as best that they can. A father's role is one of the most important in a child' s life, for without it... a child is left with many open cracks. The voids in a child's life when that Father figure is not there to give the love, support, discipline and encouragement that is needed are forever... voids that no matter how strong of a person their mom is, she simply cannot fill. Children without a strong father in their lives have vastly different stories than the ones that did.

So Dad's... listen up!
If you are present in your child's life, if you spend quality time with your kids, guide them morally, ethically and faithfully, show your love for them daily no matter how near or far you may be, then I praise you for an awesome job... seeing what you do for your kids truly brings a tear to my eye. Since my kids don't have that relationship with their dad, it's very special and precious to me. If you are a dad who merely exists in the lives of your children, not truly accepting the important role that you hold in your hard working hands, or if you are absent only seeing your kids when the divorce papers say you can... PLEASE, call them every day to say goodnight, swallow your manly pride and forget about your feelings; it's not about you, it's not about her, it's about THEM. Write them a letter to let them know that you miss them, don't forget to call them, email or text them on their birthday's or holidays that you don't have them, make them a priority and show interest in their life so they don't feel forgotten... they will never forget that emptiness and will grow up with voids that are impossible to fill if you don't do what you need to do.

Mom's... listen up!
If you have a husband or a father to your kids that is present in their lives, praise them, appreciate them for all that they do, give them credit and do it often; you are SO BLESSED. Many of you have no clue what it's like to be on this side of the fence. If you are divorced, make SURE they are playing a role in that child's life if they choose to do so... so many men walk away from the responsibility and just "send a check". Using your children as pawn's may be hurting the ex, but you are hurting your kids more, I promise. Be thankful for the dad who wants to be a father.

Children Without a "Father"... 
I know what it is like to see pictures, read people's stories or posts about amazing relationships with their dad's on a day like this and get a little sad inside for one reason or another. It's sucks, but just know that you are not alone, know that your Heavenly Father will never fail you and loves you unconditionally. Don't let anger, resentment or disconnect ruin you... you ARE special and worthy of love.

Children with a great Father...
Know that you are blessed and NEVER EVER take them for granted.

I hope all of you men out there that have earned the title had a terrific Fathers's Day... for the rest. Work on earning that title for next year's celebration of you!

Until next time... 

xoxo

Shells

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Parenting the Teens of Today

It's been a couple of weeks since my last blog... and if you are an avid reader, you know that I HATE when I am not able to sit down and write; you also know that what this typically means is that life has been busy, or it has thrown me a wrench and it was necessary to re-prioritize my time. Unfortunately sometimes when that is what life calls for, the blog has to wait.

Over the last few weeks, I have had both personal and "teenage"matters to deal with and through it all I must admit I have found myself heavy-hearted and in a complete funk; something I am not used to being in. I have hurdles all of the time but I typically push right through them after maybe a day of funky-town; not this time, it had me down. I am happy to finally be on the upside of my personal issues... but am sorry to say that my teen is still struggling with hers. Luckily, I have my mental strength back and can now lend it to her.

When I was a teen, life was challenging, hurtful and not very fun for me. Sometimes when I look back, I wonder how I made it through. However, the way times have changed, things are so much worse for these newer generations; life is no longer simple in any way for them even when things are going good. My daughter Baleigh is a beautiful, bright, 13 year old young lady who was an advocate-pioneer type last year. She walked with her head held high, had tons of friends and graced the halls with the stride of a leader. Academically, she was an average "creative" student but by the end of the year her grades were suffering greatly and her self-esteem and pride slowly began to fade. We had some problems and difference of opinion regarding a very broken and troubled boy that had shown interest in her who also happened to show interest in a dozen other girls.... without details, I will share that the year did not end well.

At the beginning of this 7th grade year, I had a different child. The Vice Principal who has become a good friend over the last year saw the change in her as well, so we discussed it. That strong, proud, leader we knew had become mentally unrecognizable. I have been working with the school staff through all of this over the past several months; we joined arms like an army trying to save a country... and nothing was working. We talked with her, tried to get to the bottom of it all and failed to find the answers we were looking for. I was lost for answers and continued to struggle at home.... our relationship seemed nothing more than a battleground most of the time, almost everything was uphill and it truly broke my frustrated heart. These were the teenage years you hear of... the ones I hoped to never experience, the ones that my oldest daughter Cierra, now 22 had only mildly prepared me for. 

I am sparing the details for the sake of my daughter... but let me STRESS that you must hold them close at this age, you MUST snoop around their rooms, read what they are writing, look at the pictures on their phones, read their texts from time to time... and even check their emails once in a while. We live in a VERY different world and it is completely uncensored unless YOU sensor it. Their minds are bombarded with things that they don't understand and they are too afraid to come to us to ask; did YOU ask your parents about things at that age? No... and neither will they. Instead they ask friends who know nothing more than they do, or they Google it, or look it up on You tube. Do you KNOW what's out there?  People are unknowingly allowing the internet to raise their children because getting them out of our hair makes life easier.

Do you KNOW the stress that the education system puts on the shoulders of our children now? It is insane; even the teachers think so. It makes me want to bring all my kids home and school them myself. In this crazy fast forwarded world that puts everything out there, while knowledge that is ten times harder is being forced into their heads at lightning speed, what they are not learning is how to deal and cope with this information overload and inside many kids are simply falling apart. They are seeking their own ways to cope and when you find out how they are doing that you will be blown away, saddened and downright frightened. I thank GOD for allowing me to notice a change in my daughter despite my increasingly busy career... no matter how busy I am, I still notice my children, their behaviors, their actions and address them. I am also thankful that my oldest is back in Florida to help me snoop, because without her I may not have found out what I did, simply because I dread stepping foot into the unorganized disaster of a teenager's room.

In the eyes of most people I am REALLY old fashioned. My daughter no longer has a "smart phone" because I simply do not feel that she had enough self control or maturity to hold that much temptation in the palm of her hand. She does have a phone where she can reach me and I can reach her, that does not take pictures and I take it away every time she breaks the rules and abuses privilege of having it (which is 85% of the time) I limit television time, I don't have cable... but have Roku so I can monitor what they watch, our internet is screened, and I don't allow them to go to friend's homes that I don't know. I DO encourage them to go outside, to run around and play... to use their child-like imaginations and play games like Yahtzee. I encourage them to draw, paint, and play hide and seek because kids should be kids, they need to be silly and carefree. When they fall down, I tell them to get up and brush it off, I kiss the boo boo and let them know that they are okay. I don't helicopter parent or give them everything they want because they need to know the value of saving up for something, how to deal with life's disappointments, and know it has curve balls.The most important yet often the most heart wrenching thing that I do is hold them accountable for their behavior even when I would rather throw my hands in the air and give up; they must have consequences. Parenting is the most exhausting of all my careers but I am responsible for these cute little people and I honestly take it as seriously as I do my business. Not sure if that is good or bad, but it is me.

As I withdrew my daughter from her creative arts charter school yesterday, I knew it was the best decision due to the issue at hand regardless of the tears that rolled down her face and mine... I also realize that we have a long road ahead and it will likely get harder before it gets easier. but I won't give up. For those of you who pray... keep us in yours and for the rest of you ... toss out some positive vibes for a teen that I know can change the world.

The moral of the story I shared...

Life is full of storms... the hurdles are inevitable, sometimes they show up and smack you down without warning; adversity does not discriminate. There will be times when you will not understand why or how, when you have no answers and no energy left. Remember, the mountain is there to climb... all the beauty and victorious feelings are felt and seen at the top, so DON'T give up... do not allow that to even be an option. Hard work and perseverance will be worth it in ALL that you do; but falling down and staying down yields no rewards.

Until next time...

xoxo

Shells

                                                   

                                                                               

                                                          

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New Year's Blog...Saying Goodbye to 2014

I spent my New Year's Eve in a quiet place away from home and simply enjoyed the serenity of just "being." Traveling is something that I truly love and I look forward to doing much more of it in the years to come. I love hopping on a plane for business trips, getaways alone and look forward to creating experience filled memories with my kiddos now that the thought of flying with all of them alone does not exhaust me. As I close the book on 2014, I find myself reflecting on the crazy whirlwind of a year I had. It was certainly a great year for me, although it was definitely filled with A LOT of transition and change in every single aspect. Change is something many people are scared of, but change is something that I have grown accustomed to and have always been pretty fearless of. Being fearless does not mean that I don't wonder... that I don't sit and allow my mind to paint pictures of what might be... what can be and ultimately what will be. What I intentionally do is keep my mind off of the negative things that might happen, the rejections that could occur and the obstacles that no doubt will try to stop me. I have found by keeping my mind on what I WANT to happen yields better results in the end, and GREAT results is what all of us want.

I may be ending the year with less money in my bank account, fewer certainties of what is to come and lots of things that are still unsettled, but I have never been so excited for a new year to arrive. For me, when life is in a transition stage I spend more time planning, setting goals and focusing on achieving them. Since so many things are happening at once, over the past few months I have had some moments of emotional breakdown, because even for me... someone who is used to things going 900 miles per hour at all times... it is a bit overwhelming. It is also somewhat exciting due to the opportunities to grow both personally and in my career. I choose to embrace all that is ahead, be thankful for all that I have right now and look forward to whatever obstacles I must face to make 2015 an incredible year.

As you go into this New Year... remember that change is what makes you grow, it will make you get uncomfortable just enough to DO something different, exciting and perhaps meaningful with your life. It forces you set goals, dream bigger, and do more than before because you HAVE to. The best experiences only happen when you change where you are... so don't be afraid. The worst thing that can happen is that you end up learning a lesson or two.... which will allow you to grow in both your heart and in your mind. If you don't change something, you will be doing, feeling, and experiencing the exact same things you are now and even if you are totally happy in life, it can always be better so why not make it better?

As I welcome 2015 I realize I have set a TON of BIG goals and am mapping out how to make it all happen; wish me luck and follow my journey as I live out the next 365 days...one day I know that I will truly be LIVING The Happy Ending.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF MY READERS, FANS FRIENDS AND CLIENTS. 

May this year be the year that you FEARLESSLY set your goals and go after your dreams 

with pure insanity!

Until next time...

xoxo

Shells

                                                   

                               

                                                          

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