To Father's Everywhere... YOU ARE SO IMPORTANT

As Father's Day came to a close this evening, I felt a need to write something from my heart , something special in reflection, in honor of all the wonderful Father's out there; I wanted you to know just how important you truly are just in case you did not hear that this weekend.

When I think of my dad, I will always cherish his amazing voice, bellowing laugh and great smile... I love holding his rough, calloused carpenter's hands and the smell of sawdust that seems to seep from his skin is still one of my favorite aroma's.

The joy I find in serving others with my talents comes from watching him for years and even to this day share his talents, always building things for free or at a fraction of the cost, just because he loves what he does or how he loves strumming on his guitar and sharing his love for music.
Our relationship may not be perfect, and there may be things I wish we had that I know we may never have, but no matter what, I Love my Dad and celebrated that today by sharing these thoughts with him. 

It's certainly a man's world; larger salaries for the same credentials, more credit for career accomplishments and men certainly hold the long end of the stick when it comes to the process of creating and bringing a child into this world; so yes... Mom's get most of the credit when it comes to birthing and rearing a child for that reason. As a single mom of 4, I can say with or without a husband, career or no career, the role of a mom/wife is a tough one, but I am also a female who truly appreciates a good father when she sees one; I will be the first to say that good father's need more praise and credit.

Females accept the responsibility and assume the role of motherhood when they have a child; like it or not, it's just what we do. Although it does happen, it is rare to hear of a Mom abandoning her children, yet you see children without fathers every day because a man can simply cut ties and walk away. They choose to assume the role and play a part or not... it's just how it is and men bail frequently or simply exist in the lives of their kids but never give to their kids what a father should.

It takes a lot to be a good father; a man who makes a child does not always earn the title. Simply put, not all men possess the "natural instinct" of being a father, while others claim it, realize the responsibility of it, absorb it, bask in it, enjoy it and do what it takes to raise that child as best that they can. A father's role is one of the most important in a child' s life, for without it... a child is left with many open cracks. The voids in a child's life when that Father figure is not there to give the love, support, discipline and encouragement that is needed are forever... voids that no matter how strong of a person their mom is, she simply cannot fill. Children without a strong father in their lives have vastly different stories than the ones that did.

So Dad's... listen up!
If you are present in your child's life, if you spend quality time with your kids, guide them morally, ethically and faithfully, show your love for them daily no matter how near or far you may be, then I praise you for an awesome job... seeing what you do for your kids truly brings a tear to my eye. Since my kids don't have that relationship with their dad, it's very special and precious to me. If you are a dad who merely exists in the lives of your children, not truly accepting the important role that you hold in your hard working hands, or if you are absent only seeing your kids when the divorce papers say you can... PLEASE, call them every day to say goodnight, swallow your manly pride and forget about your feelings; it's not about you, it's not about her, it's about THEM. Write them a letter to let them know that you miss them, don't forget to call them, email or text them on their birthday's or holidays that you don't have them, make them a priority and show interest in their life so they don't feel forgotten... they will never forget that emptiness and will grow up with voids that are impossible to fill if you don't do what you need to do.

Mom's... listen up!
If you have a husband or a father to your kids that is present in their lives, praise them, appreciate them for all that they do, give them credit and do it often; you are SO BLESSED. Many of you have no clue what it's like to be on this side of the fence. If you are divorced, make SURE they are playing a role in that child's life if they choose to do so... so many men walk away from the responsibility and just "send a check". Using your children as pawn's may be hurting the ex, but you are hurting your kids more, I promise. Be thankful for the dad who wants to be a father.

Children Without a "Father"... 
I know what it is like to see pictures, read people's stories or posts about amazing relationships with their dad's on a day like this and get a little sad inside for one reason or another. It's sucks, but just know that you are not alone, know that your Heavenly Father will never fail you and loves you unconditionally. Don't let anger, resentment or disconnect ruin you... you ARE special and worthy of love.

Children with a great Father...
Know that you are blessed and NEVER EVER take them for granted.

I hope all of you men out there that have earned the title had a terrific Fathers's Day... for the rest. Work on earning that title for next year's celebration of you!

Until next time... 

xoxo

Shells

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The First Step To Being Happy is YOU

For several years, all I wanted was to be happy...I was very broken, felt unloved and extremely unimportant. Part of that feeling came from the lack of ever having a loving relationship and lots of disappointment and the other part came from the fact that like many people, I was fooled into thinking happiness was only defined by having a loving relationship, a fancy house, an expensive car and money to buy all the things I wanted. I would look at people around me who seemed happy and they had loving marriages, were dressed in the best clothes, and had lots of "things". They were taking fabulous family vacations, giving elaborate birthday parties and their Christmas's were like the ones you see on TV commercials with extravagant trees, beautiful decorations and loads of gifts. 

I often felt like a failure with all of this around me, and always wondered why it was not my life. I worked very hard, had so much love to give and yet here I was a single mom who had been divorced twice that struggled to give my kids all of the things that I wanted to give them no matter how many hours I worked because I was doing everything alone for quite some time. We rarely had the money to go on big shopping sprees for back to school like I did when I was younger and I always felt bad for that. We never took a family vacation because I was afraid to take the time off of work. When you are self employed and take time off there is no paycheck waiting for you when you get home so I always allowed that fear to stop me from doing it. Seeing happiness around me made me really sad and I had a hard time being happy for other people who had what I wanted.

Then one day after reading a passage in one of my self improvement books I realized a truth... a fact that changed my life. That fact was that the first step to being happy was loving yourself. I had a self realization moment that very second. My whole life flashed before me and in the end I concluded that I was not happy with who I was at all. I had low self esteem and very little self worth because I allowed things from my past to haunt me. There were decisions I had made that left me feeling unworthy of love and success and because of this I was unconsciously manifesting a life of unhappiness and struggle. I was unknowingly punishing myself for all of my mistakes.

The most amazing moment in all of this was realizing that I was in control of my happiness... that all of the "things" that I thought would bring me the happiness I desired had nothing to do with it at all. That began my path to all that I had ever wanted; a path that I am still traveling Slowly, but surely my attitude began to change. I started learning how to love myself despite all of my mistakes, faults and imperfections and decided that spiritually I was perfect.... a perfect disaster maybe, but I learned to be proud of all that I had done wrong, all that had happened and I started to move on from it all. It was then that I was living in the lowest point of my life and it is also when I decided I would share my story with the world... I wrote my first book.

I began to love who I saw in the mirror and thought that perhaps one day, a special someone would come into my life and appreciate me for who I truly was and what I had gone through in my life. I found happiness in finally knowing and accepting who I was. I no longer hid all the ugly things from my past pretending to be perfect, I became proud of them because it had formed who I was and who I would eventually become. 

Even though I still hope for love and acceptance from someone that I can share my life with, I love and accept myself... and that is the most important thing you can do when looking for happiness. God loves us with all of our imperfections and if He does, so should we. Love yourself like He does and life just gets better.

Something else that happens when you learn to love yourself... you begin to love and accept others for who THEY are... your heart truly changes and when you look at someone, you look at their imperfections and mistakes with admiration, understanding and compassion. When you have accepted your own faults and imperfections you simply begin to judge others less. The most freeing thing was when I stopped caring about what other people thought of me and instead began caring what I thought of me. We will never make everyone else happy, someone will always disagree with our actions, choices and lifestyle but we CAN make ourselves happy; trust me, that is a much easier task. When you realize that happiness is a choice, it's an easy choice to make; it takes no arm twisting. 

So....you have two choices in life. You can get swallowed up with all that is now or you can begin to imagine and glorify all that can be. I ask....which will you choose? 


Have a wonderful Monday... and a wonderful week. Pass this one along, I am sure many people out there need to love themselves a little more, and we ALL need to find happiness.

Until next time...

xoxo

Shells

                                                   

                               

                                                          

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It's Time to Push Through...

Now that Thanksgiving is behind us and you Black Friday shoppers are happy, broke and lucky to be alive, let the Christmas Holiday officially commence! My house sits quiet today since my kids are away at their grandparent's for the weekend and that allows my mind time to think; which in this case is a good thing. My thoughts of the upcoming month and all that will take place leaves me excited, joyous and warm and fuzzy on the inside. My mind quickly wanders to a time when I was always stressed this time of year. A time when I wore myself out working 70-80 hours a week getting my salon clients in... not only to make them look beautiful for the holiday season, but having the need to make as much money as I possibly could in order to pay my bills and still give my kids a suitable Christmas. I actually get a bit teary-eyed remembering how hard that was at times as a single mom, but I always did it because I do what I have to do without complaining or using excuses of why I can't.  Deep down I always felt blessed that there was always one more client that had to get in before I closed my salon doors on Christmas Eve each year that always helped me make Christmas happen. For years I did all my shopping on Christmas Eve as soon as I left the salon. It was hard... but I always did it and got through the holidays by the fur of a Santa hat. I remember my need to be close to family even when they all lived far away, so I would forfeit something each year in order to have the gas money to travel up to ring in the new year with them by my side because being with my family is what always made the holidays meaningful to me. I remember that sacrifice being my electric bill one year, knowing I would come home to an apartment with no power, but that did not stop me. It's funny how that year I had a client booked the day I got back so I told my kids that something was wrong with our power and paid my bill as soon as I finished my client's hair; I was always doing what I had to do in order to get what I wanted while staying ethical and honest, and I still do.

As I sit here today knowing those days are gone for me, at least momentarily, I think of the many people who are in that place right now... maybe you are one of them. Perhaps you lost your job, got demoted, lost a spouse or family member that caused financial devastation in your life, or maybe it's just how life is for you, just like it was for me. I want you to know that there is ALWAYS HOPE, don't ever give up trying to create a better situation than what you have now even if you are just fine, because maybe that will mean you can help someone who is struggling when you have more than enough.  I never thought I would see myself out of the woods, but that did not stop me from running through the trees; THAT perseverance is what ultimately got me out of them. I still have the same mentality though; I still go through stores and load a cart up with stuff only to put half the things back before I get to the register because they are not necessities, simply because I have been wired by hard times and a fluctuating income. I feel that this makes me smart, educated, wise and thankful for all that I have today; I don't look at any of it as unfortunate and neither should you. I will never forget the times when I had to make choices that nobody should have to make... "Groceries or rent?" I simply realize those times are what allow me to appreciate today with my whole heart and that is how you find the positive light in the negative clouds that hover.

If you are struggling... I encourage you to keep pushing through, we are right around the corner from a BRAND NEW year... and who knows, maybe THIS will be YOUR year to shine. I love you all to the moon and back and look forward to sharing this holiday season with all of you!

xoxo 

~Shells~

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