What You Have Is Enough...

WELL....
It has been two weeks since my last post, and usually, when this happens, it's because I have been busy traveling for work, or simply busy being busy at home. This time, however, my lack of writing was due to a few of life's circumstances that left me feeling like I had nothing truly inspirational to share right now; then I remembered something... I am enough. 

NOBODY IS PERFECT
So often in this world of fake reality and clouded perception, when we are feeling "less than perfect" we sometimes begin to feel we have nothing to offer... nothing worth saying or giving. When you are used to being a blessing, you never want to feel like a burden or even worse, a curse. Strong people tend to just sit quietly alone until the storm is over. This is almost always what I do when I am dealing with not so awesome circumstances. Sometimes, even the closest people to me won't even know what I am dealing with because I tend to recluse.

NEEDING INSPIRATION
Although I was still sharing daily inspiration and encouragement on Face Book, writing a whole blog post was not something I was feeling "inspired" to do; nor motivated to be quite honest. It happens, even to the best of us. However tonight, as I scrolled through the voice recorder on my phone, I found some inspiration. This voice recorder is where I often record bright ideas that pop into my head as I am driving, or as I lay in bed and wake up in the middle of the night to groggily record my voice. I planned to listen to the recordings one by one hoping to find a blog idea that had been thought of that I had failed to bang out yet.

Suddenly, I heard a message that I had recorded for someone and I realized I never sent it. I took the time to record it the moment it entered my mind, but I never had the courage to send it and had completely forgot I even recorded it. I'll admit, I got a bit emotional as I listened to it, kind of how a song on the radio with thwart you back in time, hearing my own voice and remembering how I felt that night sent me right back into the moment I recorded it.

THAT LITTLE VOICE THAT TOLD ME TO KNEW
When I first sat down to blog tonight... I drew a blank,  I had nothing, however I refused to get up from my keyboard until I wrote. Something told me to pick up my phone and this message was the second message I heard; it was exactly what I needed to be reminded of.

WE MAY NOT GET WHAT WE WANT
Telling someone they are enough, is powerful; especially when they are feeling less than adequate. I know, as there have been times when I felt unworthy... like what or who I was, was not enough. In those times, having someone tell me that I was enough would have been salvation. I longed for someone to let me know in those moments that how I was feeling about myself was a big, fat lie. I did not need to hear that I was strong, that I'd make it... or that I could do it because I was tough...or used to it. What I needed was for someone to hold me tight and simply say, "YOU ARE ENOUGH and I accept you and love you for EXACTLY who you are RIGHT NOW." 

MAYBE I SHOULD SEND IT
Unfortunately, some of us have yet to experience a moment like that. For that reason, I have decided that I will send that message tomorrow the person it was intended for... to let them know that they are enough.

JUST WHAT WE NEED
As I listened to this message... I smiled and thought to myself, WOW I have changed so much. The kind of love and acceptance I offer in this message is not only what I have always wanted, but it reminds me of the kind of love and acceptance we are promised from God. It does not matter where we come from, where we have been, the mistakes we have made or the fact that we have failed at things. What matters is that no matter what, we are loved, accepted and told that WE ARE ENOUGH!

What we do not have clarity on now, we should continuously seek. We will be made whole again; maybe for the first time ever. We are always perfect in someones eyes; it's simply perspective.

YOU ARE ENOUGH
What I hope for you tonight is that you will feel you are ENOUGH. Not everyone will recognize it and some will tell you that you aren't. I am here to remind you that YOU ARE! No man is perfect, however, we ARE perfectly made and we ARE destined to win.

Until next time... be faithful

xoxo

Shells

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The Prayer of the Fallen Soldier

As I sat in church this morning listening to the pastor deliver an incredible Memorial Day weekend message, feelings stirred inside of me that I was all too familiar with. Feelings that God was once again working in my life, trying to speak to me, to tell me something that I needed to hear; He knew what had been on my heart, and His message came through.

After a busy few weeks, I declared that I would allow my mind to be completely still for that hour today, just as I do every week... it is why I look so forward to going to church; for that quiet time where I can simply receive the blessings that will come with opening my heart to just listen and soak it all in.

With all that I do, I often play tug of war with myself... wondering what I should focus my time on... what my true purpose is with all the talents that I have been given and what is the most important. Finding the "still" in my mind has always been my biggest challenge in this powerful journey that I call life, but when I do, I hear exactly what I am supposed to hear and today was one of those moments.

The message today was about the sacrifice in surrendering, how soldiers sacrifice and surrender their lives. I thought of how they give up their wants and desires to fight for what is right, and just... what will protect and serve our country and its people .. what protects me, and you. This selflessness that so many take for granted, yet we would never know the life that we know now without those sacrifices someone else has encountered for them.

I could not help as the pastor spoke, to think of a dying soldier's last moments... those final moments where his life must flash before him. The visions they must have of family, the happy times, the warmth of the holidays and celebrations of life... all of this in that final moment when a tear rolls down their face and the last breath is taken. Not once, NOT ONCE would they think of the sacrifice they took to get here, or the bad things that life brought their way... their focus in their last moments would be only what is important... and those things are what made them happy. I thought of the call that would be delivered to that soldier's family, the honorable devastation that they would go through in being left behind and was overwhelmed with emotion as I thought of this sacrifice and what it means and gives to each and every one of us.

Tonight, I am thinking of not only our soldiers and what they so selflessly give to us each and every day, but I am also remembering that there was yet another sacrifice that so many take for granted... another sacrifice to save us... to give us the freedom of being forgiven when we fall, for we are all out here fighting a war... we are of human flesh, far from perfect, but the ultimate sacrifice was made to free us of  that bondage, to wipe us clean of all that we will inevitably do, from all that we are expected to fall into throughout our lives if we simply ASK to be cleansed and forgiven.

God knows the land mines we will cross... He knows them all and will speak to us in warning if we listen. However, all too often our own will is too strong and just like the soldier that surrenders his life for his brother and for us knowing he may die by doing so, we will sacrifice the blessings He has in store for us in order to do what we want in that moment leaving us dying inside until we learn to surrender our lives.

These two things became so relative to me and I was inspired to write this blog and call it a prayer... this literally flowed without much thought because that "little voice" told me to just sit down and type;


The Prayer of a Fallen Soldier 
© 2015 Shelley Giard 

I sacrificed for you today; my life... I had a purpose, a cause to fight for and I served for you knowing that I would not come out alive; YOU were more important than me, YOUR life is what I fought for, not mine. I was simply the one who was sent here to carry out this purpose and I hope that in the end of it all, you will remember Me; not take Me for granted and know that I am with you always.

I love all of you, I will never forget you and would die for you all over again if given the chance; I would fight for you again and again. YOU are a soldier too, just like me. You have a cause, a purpose to fight for and I hope you find that gift. My mission is done here, it is up to you to take the things that this sacrifice taught you and share it with others, let them know what it means to surrender, to do whatever it takes for the cause, to lead their lives with purpose and intent, to always stand for what is right but to lay down and surrender when life calls for that moment. If you die in that moment you will be honored and your purpose will be remembered in those moments when it is needed the most.

Don't forget what I did for you, who I am, or why I did what I did. Live each day with the freedoms my life gave to you... never forget why they are there. I love you, and it was all worth it. Know that I love you... unconditionally.  Amen




I encourage you to think about the sacrifices that have been made for YOUR life.. for YOUR purpose and begin to live each day with more meaning... with more intent and with more heart and compassion for others. Remember, we are all soldiers fighting a war;  some are just willing to sacrifice and surrender more than others.

Until next time... 

xoxo

Shells

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Finding the Strength to Forgive Yourself

Yes... it's Sunday.... not Friday when I typically post my thought provoking blog, but as you know, when I skip a day that means it's been a what?... Yep, a busy week. SO two days late always means I will make it up to you with an extra special message and you will still get the Monday blog to start off your week off on a positive note.

I was initially going to write Friday's blog about difficulty in relationships, (it is still on my list) but after speaking at my church last night to two groups of middle school kids, I was really inspired to share a similar message; an "extra special" message with you that I felt some of you may need to hear.

Faithful or not... it is often hard to forgive others for sadness, hurt or disappointment that they have caused. However, an even harder thing to do is to forgive ourselves. We do things that we know are not an example of who we truly are, we give in to things that we end up feeling bad about later and beat ourselves up, holding onto the guilt that goes with it for a very long time. Maybe you said something or did something to someone you care about in the heat of anger, disappointment or frustration that you knew in afterthought was the wrong thing to do or say. Maybe there are things in your past that you are ashamed of; things that only you know and that you would never openly admit to the people around you today. Maybe there is a family member that continuously does things that destroys their integrity or that flaws their relationship with you, but because they are family you simply have to deal with it and you feel guilty for having this "secret"  feeling of animosity towards them.

Regardless of what scenario you can plug yourself into as you read, I want you to know that forgiving yourself is the only way to start the process of healing from the pain, the sadness, and guilt that you carry with you every day and is simply the KEY to moving on. You should realize that we all make mistakes, nobody is perfect; this is most certainly an imperfect world full of imperfect people. Who are we to judge someone for their mistakes or shortcoming or choices when we have so many of our own?

I remember a time in my life when I was very lost, alone and empty inside. I always blamed others for the negative things that had and continued to happen to me. I refused to own up and admit that it was ME who was wrong... that it was ME who made the choices that got me to where I was in life. However, something happened to me inside in a very specific moment of my life and after many years of playing the blame game and spewing that a "God" that I did not even believe in at the time must hate me, I finally owned up and admitted that it was indeed MY fault, that it was ME who made the wrong choices, did the wrong things; and that began my healing process. It was an incredibly pivotal moment in my life. I not only started to forgive myself, but I finally believed that I was worthy of forgiveness from others.

It was so freeing to begin truly forgiving the people who had hurt me... weight of a thousand mountains lifted off of my shoulders and it was then that I started feeling comfortable sharing the truth about who I really was, the truth about the wrongs I had done and I felt that my stories could help others find this freedom I now had. My shame was gone, I was no longer carrying guilt and it felt amazing. I began to apologize to people I had hurt, and still do this today when I slip up; for I am an imperfect person; we all are, and I too allow situations to get the best of me sometimes.

As I spoke to these young kids last night, I was specifically talking about God's forgiveness, and there was a point in my talk where I stated that when true Christians ask for His forgiveness, it is given to us immediately... without hesitation and stated that parents take longer to forgive us than God. I told them that we are all worthy of forgiveness... acceptance, and that we should realize the people around us are as well. I told them that no matter what they have done or what they will do in the many years ahead, that if they keep faith in their heart they never have to worry about carrying the weight of guilt or shame, that if God had forgiven me after all that I had done which included turning away from faith all together, that he would forgive them too. As I watched their innocent young eyes tear up, I knew I had hit home with many of them; it was an incredible feeling.

For any of you reading... faithful or not, forgiving is the act of letting go... it does not mean that we have to forget what happened and it does not mean we have to continue or rekindle a relationship with someone who hurts us... it is simply the act of freeing OURSELVES from the weight and burden that lies on our shoulders and affects us every single day when we hang on to the pain and it also frees the guilt the other person may hold. Forgiveness is the only way to heal from what has happened and it allows us to embrace what we were meant to be... it helps us realize our purpose in life and it is the absolute way to reach all you ever dream of.

If you recall, I mentioned in a recent blog that I had found and contacted the man who was drinking and driving the vehicle that killed my sister 31 years ago. We have continued to send emails back and forth, he has shared his memories of that night with me and when I told him that I forgave him, he told me that my forgiveness was the most amazing gift anyone could have ever given him. Being able to forgive him was also a gift to me, but without me taking that step neither of those gifts would have been received nor would I have the connection to a past full of questions that I now have answers to.

As I close today's post... these are my final thoughts...

How many things are you holding on to that affect you in a negative way?
How many people have you failed to forgive?
Have you forgiven yourself for your own failures and disappointments?

Claim yourself worthy! Forgive yourself, forgive others... and my promise is that you WILL live a happier life.

xoxo

Shells

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A Christmas I will NEVER Forget

Gosh.... this has been quite a holiday season and New Year's has not even hit yet, I am trying to stay grounded and focused as I prepare for all 2014 has in store for me. Before I share something that I feel is pretty amazing, I want to give some back story for those of you who may not understand without it.

Rewinding to December 1980, I was living in my hometown of Ware, Massachusetts and my life was a very happy one. I was a little girl surrounded by a loving family had many friends and relatives nearby. Our immediate family consisted of my newborn brother Aaron, born on December 18th, 1980, my brother Keith who was 7 years older than me, my sister Teresa who was 9 years older and my foster sister Lisa who was 11 years older; and of course my mom and dad. We were truly one big happy family and everyone knew that. We lived a Christian life and even attended Christian school; it was simply how we were. Back then, I was taught that if you did what God said in the bible and lived as he wanted us to, that all would be good in your life, so to me it made complete sense.

July 31st, 1981... my sister Teresa was involved in a drunk driving accident leaving her in a coma for 5 days before she passed away on August 5th due to severe head injuries. It was sudden, it was tragic... and indeed a terrible accident that tore my family and my faith to shreds. The man who was driving the vehicle that was ultimately responsible for my sister's death was only 19... he was being 19. Many of us (including me) have gotten behind a wheel we should have called a cab, his fate just brought him to a place many of us have luckily never been. He lived...

For years I did not know the whole story of what happened... I  overheard bits and clips as my family talked about it here and there but one thing I always felt was an emptiness inside... I wanted to know more about what happened that night.

I stopped believing in God as I got older, and by the time I was in middle school, God was merely a "Holy Santa Claus" to me... non existent, just some made up dude that was supposed to make you feel safe when you were feeling not. What I am saying is that I was an atheist for most of my adult life. I struggled... a lot. My life was always two steps forward and three steps back and because of that for many years I was constantly frustrated and confused at what I did to "deserve" this kind of life.

Then in 2005 when I was faced with a situation that I could not handle alone, my mom told me in a hotel room out n California to "surrender it to God". I remember chuckling and mocking her saying "yeah... right I have been "praying" all week and God has done NOTHING for me." She would not be swayed and insisted that I "Give this to God." I had been angry at this invisible entity for years and actually blamed Him for everything that had gone wrong in my life. However, that day I had exhausted all of my efforts and had nothing left so I fell to my knees sobbing at the situation I was in and yelled out and said, "Okay GOD, if you are real then SHOW ME! You have done NOTHING for me in life but give me crap that I did not deserve, and caused me a bunch of pain so if you want to prove to me that YOU exist and that you CARE then take this... I got nothing left, take it and FIX IT and I will praise you forever and tell the world you are real."

Although I was not a " believer" anymore, I suppose it was my time to see a miracle because less than 24 hours later, what I had been trying to solve for 9 days "my way" was solved so effortlessly that I barley believed it myself.

That day changed my life and over the next several years I started learning more about this "great man" in a way that was real, not altered or changed to "fit" a religious mold. I learned the truth about God and his son Jesus. That too changed my life in a way I cannot describe, it was so eye opening to learn that what I had learned as a kid was not true. Just because you are a Christian does not mean that you will not struggle, it does not mean you won't feel pain or have grief, it just means that when you are in these moments you can truly call on Him and he will get you through it. Look, I am no holy-rolling Bible-thumper... that would turn you off, just as it does me. I am just sharing my story in hopes that if you are down and out that you will maybe do what I did and be lucky enough to experience what I have since that day.

Now fast forward to July 2010...  I started writing my book when I was at my lowest... by far the toughest year of my life at that point; and writing was all I had to do to stay positive and in forward motion. For the first time since 1981 I reached out and asked my mom to tell me play by play what happened that night and she shared the story in tears. It was the first time I had ever heard it. Over the next few days I could not help but wonder what ever happened to the guy who was driving so I searched his name and found one man with that name on Facebook and it was in a nearby town of where I grew up. At the time I wanted to send a message but I was not sure what to say or if it was even him, so I refrained. The book was finished and released on what would have been my sister's 47th birthday... October 19th, 2012. On April 27th, 2013, I was going to be traveling to Massachusetts for a book signing in my hometown and I had an uncontrollable urge to send a message to that guy on Facebook who I had found in hopes that it was him. Something inside my heart wanted him to know that something good came out of that tragic event, an inspirational book that began with losing my sister. I wanted him to know that I forgave him and that I knew that it was an accident. I assumed that this man had lived with an unbelievable guilt for all of these years because he never served any time for what he did and something inside of me wanted to relieve him of that.

So... I sent a message to that man telling him who I was looking for and gave him a link to my website for the book. About a week later he emailed me through the website and told me that I had the right guy. He sent me a very brief " I live with that guilt every single day." And that was it. I replied inviting him to the book signing and said I would like to meet him if he could make it... I never heard from him again. Later I found that his Facebook was set as private and I took it as he wanted to be left alone. I was sad, but understanding. I somehow thought he would be the key to finding out more about what happened in the last moments of my sister's living life, it was a connection to answers, to my past... to my sister that I wanted so deeply.

Since then my faith in God has grown even stronger and wonderful things are happening in my life left and right. I have prayed for that man and had hopes that he would somehow find that "Big Guy" himself because I know that He can give you peace like no other. So Christmas Eve Night/ wee hours of Christmas morning actually, I was writing my last blog post... feeling very spiritual and wanted to shout out to the big guy above on the day we celebrate His life... this was about 1:30 a.m. Christmas morning. As I always do... after finishing my blog post, I immediately open Facebook to post it to all my pages and groups that I belong to. I saw at that moment that I had 3 Facebook messages. I posted my blog links and then checked my messages. When I opened my box... I saw his name first. The man who drove the vehicle had sent me a message and had been simultaneously typing it as I was typing my Christmas blog... WAY later than I had originally planned. I trembled and came to tears as I opened that email and this is what it said:

Hello Shelley, I am so sorry that I could not attend the event at the library in Ware in April. I am also sorry that I was not able to talk to you more about what happened. For personal reasons I was unable to contact you or email you back. That being said... I must tell you that I feel compelled on this Christmas Eve ..to contact you and tell you how much I regret what happened on that night...I did not mean for it to happen. It was simply an accident and I pay for it everyday of my life.. I live with the guilt of taking her life everyday...I wish that I was the one who passed. The holidays make me think of family and at this time of year..I ALWAYS think of your sister and your family. The thought of your family having to deal with the loss of your sister must be devastating...the hopes and aspirations of a beautiful, intelligent, vibrant young woman were taken away by my selfish decision to drink and drive. That night will forever haunt my memory and will forever be etched in my mind. I can only imagine what she would have done with her life if I had not chosen to drink and drive. Words will never express the pain I feel and I am sure that they will never express the loss that you r family felt that night. I am truly sorry for what happened. Maybe it's divine intervention that is making me contact you or maybe the spirit of Christmas...I just could not sleep thinking about it and I had to contact you. I hope your family has a very Merry Christmas and I hope that you all know that I am TRULY SORRY for what happened that night. If you have any questions or if you would like to contact me please feel free to email me.

And he gave me his email address. 

I emailed him back and said:

Hearing back from you was the most emotional Christmas gift ever. I have so much more to say but will have to wait until these tears dry up. Thank you SO much... and yes, divine intervention indeed, I call Him God. Merry Christmas I will write soon. ~Shelley~

He replied once more:

Yes...god is a big part of my life... I look forward to hearing from you...

It was honestly the best Christmas gift ever. A chance to connect with my past... a painful part of it and to forgive someone selflessly that probably deserves that forgiveness, for we are ALL worthy of being forgiven. THAT is what you learn when you learn about the one TRUE GOD; we are all worthy.

As I end this blog tonight I hope you get the message... I hope you take something from it that you may not have thought about before because that is all I want. One last thing I will share that is kind of funny... and ironic and well.... kind of perfect for this post. When you "say" you are a Christian, you actually have to act like one and many that I know do not. They judge, ridicule, make fun of and exclude people just because of something they are, are not or something they did. I am here to say that if you want to live as Jesus did, you have to love ALL forgive ALL and be a good person to every person no matter who they are or what they choose. I have found that as I have done this my life has turned around and I am blessed more and more each day. 

Several months ago I was in a gift shop delivering a book to the owner in hopes of her carrying my book there and she told me that I had a "presence". I have heard that so many times in the past few years and it's kind of weird to hear it because I am not always sure if it's a compliment or an insult. She asked me to find my name in a collection of name cards in this binder that she had and said I could have one. I laughed and said... "my name is not spelled traditionally, it is spelled S-H-E-L-L-E-Y... my name is NEVER in any of the gift shop goodies with names... never a pencil, a key chain or anything growing up." She said, "Well just look and if you find it take the card." I flipped through and low and behold there it was... only one card and I almost fell over when I read it. I now carry it in my wallet everywhere I go along with another card that I wrote one word on at a training I went to this year and well... these are the only reminders of my purpose that I will ever need.

Have a great night guys and gals! I love you all and THANKS for reading!

MERRY CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS!

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