Emotions and Power of a Word

I chose this blog topic a few days ago after sharing an excerpt from my next book on my Facebook page. My excerpt struck a bit of a chord with a few people who then voiced their opinions regarding what I shared. I felt bad because my words were misunderstood, they of course were taken out of context since it was merely an excerpt and not the whole passage, so I replied to their comments with
grace and love explaining where I was coming from; not even sure if that made it better.

Then yesterday, I received two beautiful email messages from other readers regarding another post I shared saying how wonderful my words are and how they come to my pages daily to be inspired, moved and motivated. It made me feel good to know this, so I responded to them as well, thanking them for taking the time to let me know that my words impacted them in a positive way. Then today, a very negative and intentionally hurtful message from someone who is in their own pain due to a situation that I was unfortunately involved in showed up in my inbox. What a roller coaster of emotions... I thought, however all of the instances had to do with the power of a word. Whether spoken or written... we can never take them back; they last forever and impact the lives of others; only sometimes, not in the way we hope. So... I decided that this was definitely the topic to go with tonight.

I never understood the saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me." What a LIE! Please... don't ever tell your child this, because when words cut through them at some point in their life they will fail to understand why they feel the way they do. I remember my mom and dad telling me this with good intent but when hurtful words were spoken, I thought my pain was abnormal... that I was supposed to be able to just brush it off and carry on.  It is better to teach about the emotions of words... that people WILL say things that will be hurtful, but that it is not always intentional, that we can control how the words affect us by understanding emotions behind them. It is easier said than done. because names hurt, words hurt and the aftermath lasts a VERY long time if certain actions don't follow.

Luckily, I have now learned that through prayer and reading things to understand the human mind, we CAN make words bounce.... we can learn to turn the other cheek and base our honest opinion of a person on actions; so now... names and negative opinions rarely hurt me. I have discovered that hurtful words will be spoken in anger, most likely when emotions are stirred, when misunderstandings occur or when stress is at both highs and lows. I have learned to pay more attention to actions... to what happened before and what happens after the hurtful words are spoken. Do they apologize, explain themselves, take action to mend the brokenness caused by them? Were there things that happened before the words were spoken or written that can somewhat justify what they said that would make it less hurtful if you can remove your own emotion for a moment and try to understand? I do my best to control mine, but I am imperfect just like the rest of you, so I say things that I wish I could take back sometimes too. When this happens I always go back and explain why I said it, what provoked me and then ask for forgiveness with a sincere apology. That is also all I need to make hurtful words disappear once they have been spoken to me. We all screw up and we all say things that we don't mean. We need to be able to redeem ourselves and we all need to recognize and accept a sincere apology; life is too short to carry hate and animosity.

Emotions have such  great strength. Everything in our lives revolve around them... they create all

circumstances in our lives both good and bad... and although at times I wish I could turn them off, without emotion, life would be so bland and meaningless, wouldn't you agree? Imagine life without love, without laughter, sadness or pain. To feel love we must know hate, to feel calm we must know chaos, knowing what it feels like to be angry is the only way we can experience a positive side and without sadness we would not know the feeling of joy; that list goes on and on.

It is not the situations we need to control, it is the EMOTIONS within the situation that we must grab hold of. This is true in all relationships, personal and professional, in our parenting and every single human interaction we encounter. What a revealing and wonderful moment when I realized that the more I gain control of my emotions in life... the better I can deal with anything that comes my way. So many times since, I have thought to myself  that understanding the situation was WAY more significant than reacting on my initial emotion.

In the end... our lives and our happiness are all about how we handle things, how we look at things and how we ultimately react to things. The cool part is that WE control all of this which means we can always improve. Once in a while... you WILL encounter "that person" who is just mean, hateful, hurtful and vindictive no matter what you do... just know that even THEY have an underlying excuse. Feel bad for them and simply pray for their peace; that is all you can do for people like that.

"One person's words can change your life, your direction, and your belief in yourself"

Shelley Giard ©2010

Until next time...

xoxo

Shells

                                                   

                                                                               

                                                          

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The Pain and Hurt Within

"How weird is that", I thought, as I opened up my blog page tonight to write a tribute to Joan Rivers, not realizing that the last blog post I wrote was the day the news released that Robin Williams had committed suicide. Two people from similar worlds... caught up in making us laugh hysterically as they suffered deep down inside cracking jokes to hide the pain.

Although Joan died of medical complications, and lived out 81 years of life... like Williams, she had deep rooted emotional pain and feelings that prove that no human is immune. When I first heard the news of her death I was really sad that the world lost another legend of laughter... despite her crude and uncensored comic relief, she was no doubt one of the REAL people of the world who just said what she thought  (and what everyone else thought but wouldn't say) even when she was cracking on her own insecurities.

The first time I heard Joan talk about her "small breasts" in a stand up act I related and knew that she was cracking jokes on herself because of an insecurity that she had about her own body. My assumption is that she was likely made fun of  by someone other than herself at some point in her life and this was her coping mechanism. Why do I say that?  Well, in all honesty I failed gym my 9th grade year for not dressing out because of that very same insecurity. I always hated my"athletic thighs" and flat chest, I didn't feel soft and feminine like everyone else and girls used to cackle and poke fun saying I should  have been the president of the " itty bitty titty committee ". When you are surrounded by blossoming young women hoping to blossom and graduate from your "slingshot" bra it's  a lonely place. Chances are if I could have Googled "how to grow breasts" back then, I would have spent countless hours doing so and would have drowned my upper body in every home remedy possible to make them grow just so I could fit in. I even had a short run with Anorexic tendencies to try and lose the muscle I had. Joan suffered from Bulimia because she struggled with weight her whole life...  another common denominator. Why do we do this to ourselves? Or should the question be why do so many of us focus our eyes on the outside so much more than the substance within that truly counts? It happens with both men and women;  nice guys finish last right?

Betrayal, hurt, pain and insecurity can devastate a person internally and it is obvious that comedy can be a coping mechanism. As I attempted to go to bed late Thursday night when I was exhausted and could not shut my brain off, I decided to watch a few comedy acts of Joan's and I saw right through her smile. As I giggled in memory of her, I Googled for more stopping at a controversial video... an interview with a reporter where Joan furiously walked off the set. I applauded her for it... this moron of a reporter brought Joan on to passive aggressively attack her integrity to humiliate her on air. My blood boiled as I watched it and my heart sank with sadness knowing the anger that Joan displayed  as she walked off set was actually  a display of hurt feelings and betrayal; I knew that feeling all too well. Searching once again I came across another interview I had never seem of Joan with a psychologist and was drawn in instantly by the title. At 1:00 in the morning, I sat engrossed for the next hour as Joan told her story and realized some things about myself as she shared.

In the end, I took more away than what was intended and because of that I will say as I always do.... don't be afraid to tell your stories, they may inspire or help someone else. Above all, work on overcoming your insecurities.

I am happy to say I am no longer insecure about my body... I love what God gave me and wear every inch with pride. I never gave in and got that boob job I always contemplated because I allowed myself to fall in love with who I was. I am so happy that I take the time to read books on how to repair what I know is broken within me and that I always found an outlet writing my inner feelings onto paper just to relieve the pain inside... I guess writing is my "comic relief". Tonight I will take what I discovered about myself through watching that hour long interview and sprint towards the solution to something I have never been able to get beyond or understand for I now have clarity and know where it came from. Thank you Joan Rivers for speaking to my heart on the day you left us behind.  May you forever rest in peace and perhaps fall in love with who you are in the after life as we did with you when you were here.

 xoxo

Shells

                                         

                                                          

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