Just Another Day in the Life of "Shells": verbal abuse

I chose this blog topic a few days ago after sharing an excerpt from my next book on my Facebook page. My excerpt struck a bit of a chord with a few people who then voiced their opinions regarding what I shared. I felt bad because my words were misunderstood, they of course were taken out of context since it was merely an excerpt and not the whole passage, so I replied to their comments with
grace and love explaining where I was coming from; not even sure if that made it better.

Then yesterday, I received two beautiful email messages from other readers regarding another post I shared saying how wonderful my words are and how they come to my pages daily to be inspired, moved and motivated. It made me feel good to know this, so I responded to them as well, thanking them for taking the time to let me know that my words impacted them in a positive way. Then today, a very negative and intentionally hurtful message from someone who is in their own pain due to a situation that I was unfortunately involved in showed up in my inbox. What a roller coaster of emotions... I thought, however all of the instances had to do with the power of a word. Whether spoken or written... we can never take them back; they last forever and impact the lives of others; only sometimes, not in the way we hope. So... I decided that this was definitely the topic to go with tonight.

I never understood the saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me." What a LIE! Please... don't ever tell your child this, because when words cut through them at some point in their life they will fail to understand why they feel the way they do. I remember my mom and dad telling me this with good intent but when hurtful words were spoken, I thought my pain was abnormal... that I was supposed to be able to just brush it off and carry on. It is better to teach about the emotions of words... that people WILL say things that will be hurtful, but that it is not always intentional, that we can control how the words affect us by understanding emotions behind them. It is easier said than done. because names hurt, words hurt and the aftermath lasts a VERY long time if certain actions don't follow.

Luckily, I have now learned that through prayer and reading things to understand the human mind, we CAN make words bounce.... we can learn to turn the other cheek and base our honest opinion of a person on actions; so now... names and negative opinions rarely hurt me. I have discovered that hurtful words will be spoken in anger, most likely when emotions are stirred, when misunderstandings occur or when stress is at both highs and lows. I have learned to pay more attention to actions... to what happened before and what happens after the hurtful words are spoken. Do they apologize, explain themselves, take action to mend the brokenness caused by them? Were there things that happened before the words were spoken or written that can somewhat justify what they said that would make it less hurtful if you can remove your own emotion for a moment and try to understand? I do my best to control mine, but I am imperfect just like the rest of you, so I say things that I wish I could take back sometimes too. When this happens I always go back and explain why I said it, what provoked me and then ask for forgiveness with a sincere apology. That is also all I need to make hurtful words disappear once they have been spoken to me. We all screw up and we all say things that we don't mean. We need to be able to redeem ourselves and we all need to recognize and accept a sincere apology; life is too short to carry hate and animosity.

Emotions have such great strength. Everything in our lives revolve around them... they create all

circumstances in our lives both good and bad... and although at times I wish I could turn them off, without emotion, life would be so bland and meaningless, wouldn't you agree? Imagine life without love, without laughter, sadness or pain. To feel love we must know hate, to feel calm we must know chaos, knowing what it feels like to be angry is the only way we can experience a positive side and without sadness we would not know the feeling of joy; that list goes on and on.

It is not the situations we need to control, it is the EMOTIONS within the situation that we must grab hold of. This is true in all relationships, personal and professional, in our parenting and every single human interaction we encounter. What a revealing and wonderful moment when I realized that the more I gain control of my emotions in life... the better I can deal with anything that comes my way. So many times since, I have thought to myself that understanding the situation was WAY more significant than reacting on my initial emotion.

In the end... our lives and our happiness are all about how we handle things, how we look at things and how we ultimately react to things. The cool part is that WE control all of this which means we can always improve. Once in a while... you WILL encounter "that person" who is just mean, hateful, hurtful and vindictive no matter what you do... just know that even THEY have an underlying excuse. Feel bad for them and simply pray for their peace; that is all you can do for people like that.

"One person's words can change your life, your direction, and your belief in yourself"

Until next time...

xoxo

Shells

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Well of COURSE you do, and so do I. We may not want to admit it and some people may find it strange, but we ALL talk to ourselves. In fact, often the WAY we talk to ourselves is what sets our direction for the day, and ultimately our lives. How many times have you woken up saying "Ugh, I don't want to wake up today" or "Today is an awful day" How about, "I hate when.... or I get so annoyed when..." or "I hate the way I look in this" Yep, we set our mood and our thoughts by the way we talk to ourselves. Are you conscious of what you say? What kind of stuff do you share on social media? Are you careful what frame of mind you allow yourself to enter as you start and end your day? How about the image you project of the kind of person you are when talking to others? In other words, what is that mouth of yours spewing?

Have you ever heard that verbal abuse is worse than physical abuse? Well, it's true and this counts when we talk to ourselves just as much if not more. I am the first to say that when someone else is verbally abusive it can mess you up for years, but if you are abusive to yourself, it can wreck you for LIFE. When I am around negative people these days, I find it very hard to keep my lips sealed. When almost every word that escapes their lips is negative... "I hate...", "I can't stand it when..." "If one more person does this or that...", "I can't wait for this day to be over..." "I can't take it", " I hate the way I look", "I am broke" and the list in infinite. I seriously want to whip out a ruler and slap them...no joke, but I am not the violent type (unless you mess with my friends or my family then I may actually go ape.) I have been known however to stop them in mid sentence and say"tell me something you love!" JUST to jolt their mind a bit and hopefully bring them back to reality or at least to a tolerable state. The key here is that if you constantly say all these things to yourself and those around you constantly you get stuck in a frame of mind.

One of the hardest things to do sometimes is to stay positive, trust me, I speak from experience. However if you stay negative.. you will STAY negative and will be swallowed whole by a big bunch of... well CRAP. It will affect your health, your job, and your relationships negatively, it's toxic to everything around you as WELL as you. Although tonight's blog is somewhat short... it has a HUGE message.

STOP ABUSING YOURSELF WITH SELF TALK!

Start praising yourself, pat yourself on the back, look and the mirror and see beyond the reflection that you may not like and into the eyes of the person you are inside, and if you don't like who that is... then YOU are in control of that. The first thing I would suggest is to keep reading my blog... I don't capitalize off of it, no money is made but the wealth within the words that I write are priceless.

Goodnight, have a great weekend and talk NICE to yourself; sometimes YOU are your only cheerleader.

Monday, February 16, 2015

Emotions and Power of a Word

Friday, January 3, 2014

Talk to Yourself Much?