The Importance of Being Included

Tonight's blog was actually born from a thought that I had today regarding a few recent events that left me feeling kind of blegh. I don't feel this way often, but just as we all do... I have days when I just want to feel understood, like part of "the group."  I don't mean popularity, fame, or even getting a pat on the back. What I mean is just the feeling that what you do is noticed, understood and appreciated by the people that you want it from the most. Sure, I am blessed every single day with emails, letters, texts and friendly gestures from people, many who are strangers, that are inspired by my posts, my book, and my blogs. For that, I am so humbled and truly grateful. However once in a while, I still long for the feeling that I "fit in" to feel like I am part of something instead of that lone ranger, square peg, that I have always been reminded of being. At times we all battle with our emotions, our strengths, our weaknesses. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable our minds travel to places some can never understand.

So as I decided on tonight's topic what I really wanted to do was just bang out a poem... like I used to when I had yucky days or great days that inspired the raw beauty of a simple poem; so here it goes totally unplanned....

I am barbaric, I am confident, I am raw and emotional,
I am fearful, I am brave, I am scared, I am heroic.

I am sad, I am happy, I am fulfilled, I am empty,
I am generous, I am selfish, I am busy, I am bored.

I am loving, I am committed, I am scattered, I am solid,
I am honest, I am open, I am strong, I am independent.

I am weak, I am lonely, I am satisfied, I am misunderstood.
I am passionate, I am friendly, I am silly, I am serious.

Wrapped up in a transparent piece of paper...
I am faithful, I am real; I am me.

S. Giard-

We all struggle with feelings of exclusion, at home, at our places of work, in groups of friends or colleagues; we notice the differences between "us" and "them" and once in while that feeling makes even the most confident people feel uncomfortable. If this is something that you can relate to, know that you are not weak, you are not weird and you shouldn't even care in the grand scheme; but it is hard sometimes as we all still understand the importance of feeling included and  know how wonderful it feels when we are accepted and understood for who we are.

xoxo

Shells

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Talk to Yourself Much?

Well of COURSE you do, and so do I. We may not want to admit it and some people may find it strange, but we ALL talk to ourselves. In fact, often the WAY we talk to ourselves is what sets our direction for the day, and ultimately our lives. How many times have you woken up saying "Ugh, I don't want to wake up today" or "Today is an awful day" How about, "I hate when.... or I get so annoyed when..." or "I hate the way I look in this" Yep, we set our mood and our thoughts by the way we talk to ourselves. Are you conscious of what you say? What kind of stuff do you share on social media? Are you careful what frame of mind you allow yourself to enter as you start and end your day? How about the image you project of the kind of person you are when talking to others? In other words, what is that mouth of yours spewing?

Have you ever heard that verbal abuse is worse than physical abuse? Well, it's true and this counts when we talk to ourselves just as much if not more. I am the first to say that when someone else is verbally abusive it can mess you up for years, but if you are abusive to yourself, it can wreck you for LIFE. When I am around negative people these days, I find it very hard to keep my lips sealed. When almost every word that escapes their lips is negative... "I hate...", "I can't stand it when..." "If one more person does this or that...", "I can't wait for this day to be over..." "I can't take it", " I hate the way I look", "I am broke" and the list in infinite. I seriously want to whip out a ruler and slap them...no joke, but I am not the violent type (unless you mess with my friends or my family then I may actually go ape.) I have been known however to stop them in mid sentence and say"tell me something you love!" JUST to jolt their mind a bit and hopefully bring them back to reality or at least to a tolerable state. The key here is that if you constantly say all these things to yourself and those around you constantly you get stuck in a frame of mind.

One of the hardest things to do sometimes is to stay positive, trust me, I speak from experience. However if you stay negative.. you will STAY negative and will be swallowed whole by a big bunch of... well CRAP. It will affect your health, your job, and your relationships negatively, it's toxic to everything around you as WELL as you. Although tonight's blog is somewhat short... it has a HUGE message.

STOP ABUSING YOURSELF WITH SELF TALK! 

Start praising yourself, pat yourself on the back, look and the mirror and see beyond the reflection that you may not like and into the eyes of the person you are inside, and if you don't like who that is... then YOU are in control of that. The first thing I would suggest is to keep reading my blog... I don't capitalize off of it, no money is made but the wealth within the words that I write are priceless.

Goodnight, have a great weekend and talk NICE to yourself; sometimes YOU are your only cheerleader.

xoxo

~Shells~ 

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Holy Moley Shells is 40!!!!!!!!

Yep, today is my 40th birthday. This creative square-pegged girl arrived on December 5th, 1973. It's kinda hard to believe I have been around that long until I start thinking about all of the things I have experienced in my life; when I do that it seems that I should be turning 90... it's pretty crazy actually. Hey... I survived, I made it out of my 20's, through my 30's and the best years of my life are ahead (or so I hear.) I sure hope "they" are right about that whoever "they" are!

God has toughened me up over the tears to survive most anything and I am truly thankful for that. Although I have a peace inside my heart, it does not mean I do not struggle just as everyone does with emotions, circumstances, feelings, ambitions and dreams that I hope to make come true. (Key word in that sentence is "hope".) One thing that I have learned that I could not unlearn even if I wanted to, is that you have to take everything that comes your way for what it is and realize that it is part of the journey you are destined to travel. Yes... I believe we all have a destiny, we all have a purpose and for the first time in my 40 years of life, I feel like I am living mine and must say it feels pretty darn amazing despite the struggles that still come my way in life. I know now beyond the shadow of doubt they are there for a reason, a lesson is to be learned, another brick is given to build my castle. Just as soon as I get confused, hurt, angry or sad, I talk myself out of it as quickly as I can by listening to the peace in my heart which always cleanses my negative thoughts and replaces it with hope and reminds me.... "you have been here before, it's going to be okay." So as I sit here on the eve of my 40th birthday tapping my thoughts out so that I can post this hopeful inspiring message by midnight's strike, I am content with all that is happening even if I don't like some of it. I have SO much to be thankful for, I have lived out SO many things in life that many told me I never would and at moments I almost thought they were right; but that didn't stop me and because of that I know that the best is yet to come. I found my original "LIFE GOALS" list a few weeks ago and I was able to check everything off. WOW... it was a shocking surprise to me but I am not a lucky girl... I am simply a girl who is loved.

I want to say thanks to all of you for the continued support, for sharing these blogs with others which has helped me grow to over 33,000 readers; I could NEVER have done that without you. YOU are the inspiration to the one whose mission is to inspire; for without you my only audience would be an empty computer screen ( In that case I would rather watch paint dry.)

The next decade will be amazing because I will do everything I can to make it that way for my family and hopefully even for you. (I have some things up my sleeve, just WAIT!) It is because of that and the big man upstairs who is holding me tight in his arms that I will start today with a smile and end it with peaceful thoughts. I will continue giving of myself, my time and my resources in order to make other people's lives better because that is what makes me happiest. I will never allow the negative things to overcome the positives and always keep that peace in my heart. I am not perfect in my own eyes, I make mistakes every single day but I know there is one set of eyes that sees no flaws in me but merely the road I travel each day leading me to my destiny and that keeps happy in my heart with all that I do and experience even when my exterior shows frustration and pain.

I will end this post with something funny because I am NOT serious all of the time, ANYONE who knows me in person or online knows that and I am feeling a bit too Hallmark right now. I found this a few months ago and decided to save it for this post. Andy Rooney sure was a funny guy!

ANDY ROONEY ON WOMEN OVER 40

"As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting. Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of his self with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

I love you all, thank you for reading and thank you for all of the birthday love. 

xoxo

~Shells~

THIS IS 40!

For my birthday all I want is for you to smile, share this in order to make someone else smile and go hug a tree or something ;)

When Push Comes to Shove... DON'T SHOVE

Have you ever asked yourself, ; "When push comes to shove.... what does this mean anyway?"

Okay so maybe you haven't, but being the person that I am... I have! And as always, asking myself questions like this leads me to valuable lessons which makes me want to share them with you. (perhaps that makes you the lucky one, or maybe makes me the weird one.)

So... what does this phrase mean to me?... well,  it simply states that there will be moments in life when you will want to shove rather than push. What I find interesting (and why I finished the phrase) is that it is open ended... it is used giving you the choice to push or shove. "Well, what's the difference, and why does it matter?" You ask. Here is your answer:

When you shove, you are acting with anger, frustration, aggression; it's an emotional response with a negative tone. Push is a more gentle response, a response that describes strength. Although it can be negative as well,(I pushed him over the edge with my behavior) it is generally a more positive word by nature. It is so easy when  "push comes to shove" moments come into play in our lives to just flip a gasket and SHOVE it all out of the way, to act in anger, aggression, haste, not caring what the repercussions may be. However, this typically solves nothing and leaves a lot of room for regret. It's irrational, and simply not the best way to handle things. I am guilty of this and I am sure you are as well. (Unless you lie to yourself)

We all must remind ourselves to PUSH through, PUSH forward, and to PUSH things aside in order to move on. It's more productive, more positive and more effective in the long run.

Remember this post next time you have a "moment"

When faced with your next 

"When push comes to shove situation" 

NEVER act in anger, stop, think and PUSH through it!

XOXO

~Shells~