Emotions and Power of a Word

I chose this blog topic a few days ago after sharing an excerpt from my next book on my Facebook page. My excerpt struck a bit of a chord with a few people who then voiced their opinions regarding what I shared. I felt bad because my words were misunderstood, they of course were taken out of context since it was merely an excerpt and not the whole passage, so I replied to their comments with
grace and love explaining where I was coming from; not even sure if that made it better.

Then yesterday, I received two beautiful email messages from other readers regarding another post I shared saying how wonderful my words are and how they come to my pages daily to be inspired, moved and motivated. It made me feel good to know this, so I responded to them as well, thanking them for taking the time to let me know that my words impacted them in a positive way. Then today, a very negative and intentionally hurtful message from someone who is in their own pain due to a situation that I was unfortunately involved in showed up in my inbox. What a roller coaster of emotions... I thought, however all of the instances had to do with the power of a word. Whether spoken or written... we can never take them back; they last forever and impact the lives of others; only sometimes, not in the way we hope. So... I decided that this was definitely the topic to go with tonight.

I never understood the saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me." What a LIE! Please... don't ever tell your child this, because when words cut through them at some point in their life they will fail to understand why they feel the way they do. I remember my mom and dad telling me this with good intent but when hurtful words were spoken, I thought my pain was abnormal... that I was supposed to be able to just brush it off and carry on.  It is better to teach about the emotions of words... that people WILL say things that will be hurtful, but that it is not always intentional, that we can control how the words affect us by understanding emotions behind them. It is easier said than done. because names hurt, words hurt and the aftermath lasts a VERY long time if certain actions don't follow.

Luckily, I have now learned that through prayer and reading things to understand the human mind, we CAN make words bounce.... we can learn to turn the other cheek and base our honest opinion of a person on actions; so now... names and negative opinions rarely hurt me. I have discovered that hurtful words will be spoken in anger, most likely when emotions are stirred, when misunderstandings occur or when stress is at both highs and lows. I have learned to pay more attention to actions... to what happened before and what happens after the hurtful words are spoken. Do they apologize, explain themselves, take action to mend the brokenness caused by them? Were there things that happened before the words were spoken or written that can somewhat justify what they said that would make it less hurtful if you can remove your own emotion for a moment and try to understand? I do my best to control mine, but I am imperfect just like the rest of you, so I say things that I wish I could take back sometimes too. When this happens I always go back and explain why I said it, what provoked me and then ask for forgiveness with a sincere apology. That is also all I need to make hurtful words disappear once they have been spoken to me. We all screw up and we all say things that we don't mean. We need to be able to redeem ourselves and we all need to recognize and accept a sincere apology; life is too short to carry hate and animosity.

Emotions have such  great strength. Everything in our lives revolve around them... they create all

circumstances in our lives both good and bad... and although at times I wish I could turn them off, without emotion, life would be so bland and meaningless, wouldn't you agree? Imagine life without love, without laughter, sadness or pain. To feel love we must know hate, to feel calm we must know chaos, knowing what it feels like to be angry is the only way we can experience a positive side and without sadness we would not know the feeling of joy; that list goes on and on.

It is not the situations we need to control, it is the EMOTIONS within the situation that we must grab hold of. This is true in all relationships, personal and professional, in our parenting and every single human interaction we encounter. What a revealing and wonderful moment when I realized that the more I gain control of my emotions in life... the better I can deal with anything that comes my way. So many times since, I have thought to myself  that understanding the situation was WAY more significant than reacting on my initial emotion.

In the end... our lives and our happiness are all about how we handle things, how we look at things and how we ultimately react to things. The cool part is that WE control all of this which means we can always improve. Once in a while... you WILL encounter "that person" who is just mean, hateful, hurtful and vindictive no matter what you do... just know that even THEY have an underlying excuse. Feel bad for them and simply pray for their peace; that is all you can do for people like that.

"One person's words can change your life, your direction, and your belief in yourself"

Shelley Giard ©2010

Until next time...

xoxo

Shells

                                                   

                                                                               

                                                          

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Being Thankful For Bad Times Too

I was struggling with how to write my "start of the week" blog last night. One reason being that I still have so much on my brain after speaking last week because it truly changed my life in a positive and profound way. The second reason is that I wanted to write something with a lot of meaning... even though ALL of my blog posts have a lot of meaning, being that this is the last post before Thanksgiving, I wanted it to be extra special; so here I sit digging into my complex brain... a brain that's much deeper than most trying to be sure I don't freak you out with my philosophical nerdy way of thinking. My earphones are on... yes, I am a creature of habitual behavior and when I find my happy zones I tend to make them repetitive... hence the earphones with classical piano as I write. (It's a winner!)

THANKFUL...
What does that word truly mean? Is it simply a momentary internal feeling on the surface of our thoughts for something or someone; a moment in time that gives us "that feeling"? Or is it defined by a feeling that runs deep into our souls that we cannot get over even if we wanted to? Is it defined by an out-loud obvious action that we must demonstrate to show how we feel; or is it something that can be implied by small gestures or things we may do for someone without having to say a word?

In a world where people; (including myself at times) feel unappreciated, I think that this poses something to really think about, and what better time than the very week we are reminded to be thankful. The answer is as complex as any human emotion is as it truly depends on what a person needs to feel thankful and how much it takes for someone or something to feel appreciation from thankfulness. As I sit here typing whatever comes to my mind, I think of the things that help me know people are thankful for the things that I do, for the things that I say, type and share. I think about people in my life who have felt unappreciated by me at some time or another and how I can and have made sure they never feel that way again. I think of how much I have changed in the past several years, how my heart has been reborn and has been opened up to a whole new world now that I have shared the "not so good" times I have had in my life; raw and real and how I have found a way to be thankful for them more than any of the good times in my life... it makes me smile.

I never thought that I would ever be thankful for the bad things that have happened; for all the struggles, pain, hurt, sadness, confusion and disappointment that I have experienced. At times I am shocked that my heart did not grow cold and bitter. I also know that had my heart continued down the lonely, broken path it was once on, that I would not know what being thankful really means. I am now thankful for the hurt, the people that I lost unexpectedly, the hard times, the burdens and disappointments and even the anger that resulted from it all, because it taught me what I need and deserve in order to keep happiness in my life. It helped me not only to recognize, but to appreciate the many blessings that are right in front of my face and accept that the moments that smacked me down were all blessings in disguise presented to teach me what I did not want to relive. I know that if I want to stay true to who I am, I had to learn those lessons and now strive to allow only the blessings to bring out the emotions within me. Everything else just has to roll... I know that every painful, hurtful, confused moment is there for a good reason and I hope you get to that point too.

I hope that all of you have a wonderful day of thanks with your family and friends. I encourage you to sit, if only for a few moments alone and think about all of the things you can be thankful for. Be sure that you dig deep into those bad things that when you are honest with yourself, you can truly say taught you something... hopefully it will be something that will allow you to let go of bottled up anger or pain. We carry around a lot of baggage from our past, we don't always let go of the things that have torn at our flesh, but once we let go and begin to heal, something happens. Sure... I still get disappointed, I still experience pain, sadness, confusion and hurt... but what I have realized is that if I can immediately find a reason to be thankful for what is happening anger never sets in... peace does.

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