It's Not the Speed of the Train.... It's Patience

One of the most difficult traits to deal with as an action-driven entrepreneur is often impatience. The reason we often lack this trait is not because we are naturally an impatient person, but rather, we typically put everything on the line to go after a goal, a business venture, a dream we have; leaving little room for error, even when we KNOW we will make some mistakes if we are going to succeed. Sound familiar? Yeah, me too... so remember this....

It's not the speed of the train... it's the strength of the engine and the patience it has to get back on track once it veers off. ©shelleygiard

If there is one thing I have learned by now, it is how to be patient in business... (now only if it would rub off on my parenting when my kiddos don't listen!) Going after a goal can bring out almost every emotion in you, but patience is not typically one of them. Let's go through the emotions of going after a goal. I will give you a cliff note explanation of  each stage and give you some tips on how to get through them. In order to get beyond the negative emotions that stir in us, you must know what to do when you are in the midst of each one.

EXCITEMENT (the hot phase)
When you first set a goal or think of an idea, you get excited. Like REEEALLLLY excited! You start envisioning how amazing it is all going to come together and often have that "nothing is going to stop me" attitude. This is perfect... for that hot phase, it is the only thing that is going to drive you into action. This excitement phase sets your motivation; we ALL have a reason for setting the goal. It takes excitement to drive the actions that will get us moving! Don't simply stay here and fizzle out as some do; allow this phase to drive you into your passionate phase...


PASSION (the planning phase)
Passion is what drives us into action, it is what makes us feel alive and gives us the energy to push into focus. Focus is what then forces us to map out a plan to reach our goal. We must stay here and hang out a while but not allow the excitement to dwindle; it all kind of goes together. These are the fun times... enjoy them because they don't last forever... but I promise you will NEED THEM as reminders later on of why you started to begin with, You will find them again, but with different meaning.


AMBITION (the action phase)
This is where all the action happens... your excitement is still there, passion has made you focus and plan, now ambition will cause the actions to make it happen. This is your first long phase, get comfy... put on your slippers and grab some coffee. You will spend a lot of your energy here and likely lose some excitement along the way, but it plays a huge part, so hang tough. Most people begin to quit in their subconscious mind here... DON'T QUIT!

DOUBT (the cooling off phase)
Drive, hard work, and dedication were all strong and steadfast in the ambitious phase, but because that is not the phase where the magic usually happens, doubt begins to set in. Oh.. the doubt. The doubt in your idea, your goals, dreams, reasoning, abilities and well... everything else you can think up that will stop you from pushing through this phase. It's a HARD ONE! Your excitement was used up in the last three phases, so now you are starting to get a bit frustrated... you are beginning to believe what everyone is saying about giving up. It's a crappy phase but PUSH THROUGH!!!!! I promise it is worth it.

FEAR (the "what if" phase)
Doubt has set in and fear is the best friend that comes without an invite. Yep... you now fear that everything you did was a huge mistake. Whatever you have put on the line is going to be gone and you will never recover; the "I did all of this for nothing" attitude is taking over. Well... if you allow that attitude to hand around, that may be exactly what happens, but when in this phase you must remind yourself of your passion and how excited you were at one time. Fear is an emotion that you can overcome.

FEAR is what False Emotions Always Reveal. ©shelley giard
Keep pushing, YOU CAN DO IT!!! Don't let fear stop you.... it is part of the process.

ANGER (the decision phase)
If you doubt yourself and fear that you are not good enough to achieve what you hope for, you will end up here. If you are pushing through the doubts of others and have fears of failure, you will end up here as well. The outcome of this phase will all depend on which of the above you are feeling. When it all boils down, belief in yourself  and getting angry that nobody else thinks you can do it will rekindle the excitement and passion phases in this stage... it will drive you home because you will use the anger to fuel you. If you are doubting yourself, and angry that you ever started... you will likely quit in this stage. Most people cannot get through it; but the ones who want it bad enough will. Frustration is in full force, exhaustion is peeking in the window and it may even be sitting on your couch with a soda by now. When you are exhausted, you get emotional... we will cry, punch a wall and blame everyone and everything simply because we don't want to admit our own failure.
LISTEN UP!!! You have only failed when you GIVE UP, if you die trying to succeed, you never truly failed. Use the anger to fuel you back into excitement and passion like never before or the road ends here for you. C'mon... do you even KNOW what awaits?

PASSION (the re-birthing phase)
HEY! You made it!  Congratulations! You allowed your fear, frustrations and anger to lead you back to me. Passion is stirring inside of you again and you won't stop now until you achieve the goal. THIS is where the magic happens. You have made it through the worst of times and have learned along the way how tough you truly are. It's time to plan again... leave the mistakes out and have patience. Trust that in time everything will happen exactly as you had planned. What other people say no longer matters, you are bulletproof. When you get knocked down, you won't stay down, you will jump up with a tear in your eye and keep running.

EXCITEMENT (the victory phase)
It was ALL worth it... I told you I would be back, and now I am more vibrant and meaningful than before. YOU DID IT! Your goal has been realized and the train is full speed ahead. You know the run, you know why you derailed and have fixed the issues so now you are running like the well oiled machine you were built to be. Enjoy this phase even more than last time... it is here to stay; it's also when the next goal is typically set.

Ready to go again???? I thought so!

Until next time... 

xoxo

Shells

Look for the full training on setting goals and achieving them during my 

weekend workshops  coming in fall 2015!

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Do the Hustle...

And suddenly, I am humming one of my favorite 1970's song's and wiggling my bottom in my chair to the beat although that "hustle" is not at all what I am actually talking about. Did I mention that I LOVE to dance? (Where is the disco when you need it?) I know I have been preoccupied with life not even realizing that I missed writing two blog posts. This time it was due to the Spring season of Florida in full force. It was time for my two allergy-stricken youngest to have their yearly coughing, sneezing, itchy, watery eye issues which required staying home from school, pulling out the nebulizer, saline spray and anything else to keep it from turning into bronchitis or worse. No excuses, just truth; it is in moments like this that I am happy to be in business for myself so I can stay home and care for them even if it means sitting them in my lap while I work.

As I was  trying to find inspiration for my post tonight with a "fried egg" mind from after a long day at the office, I asked a friend whom I was texting with to give me an idea... no pressure at all. HAHA Luckily a good one came to mind and I am running with it.

So here was his thought...

"People can be smarter, faster, stronger, or whatever... you cannot control that. But don't let anyone outwork you; don't be out hustled."

How PERFECT of a topic for someone like me... the single mom of 4- author- speaker- blogger-adviser-coach- mentor- makeup artist- madwoman "hustling" entrepreneur. I must say my "hustling" began at an early age and ultimately led me to make the educated decision never to work for anyone as long as I could help it. I did not want to be on "that" side of the equation. (I would likely be fired for over achieving and too much overtime pay.) Being an employee from the age of 13 through the age of 19  taught me one thing.... I AM NOT a good employee at ALL. (Unless you want me to run your company, then I am awesome and EXTREMELY cooperative.)

The biggest question that came to mind when my friend sent me this was, "Are you born a hustler or can you be taught how to hustle?"  I would like to think that a person can learn these skills by reading books, self improving, learning good work ethic and finding a career (or in my case careers) they love. However, when I think of how many people think I am totally off my rocker doing all that I do, I ponder... maybe it IS something that some people just "have" or not. I know that as I have and continue to develop leaders, I have always been able to bring out the best in others, I have experienced how the human mind can be shaped and formed into something it never was or even dreamed to be; even I am still amazed at how it happens sometimes.

Lately I have been on a roll in this department and have had such an overwhelming out pour of email messages and Facebook tags telling how much I have changed people's lives.... it is still surreal  to me. ME??? Changing lives?? ME? That girl who was lost for so long falling over my wrinkles of mistakes and mountains of bad decisions? WOW... truly humbling for me I must say. No wonder God allowed me to fall on my face so many times; He had to do something with this stubborn brat.

I have certainly implemented several positive changes within this last year due to mistakes yet again that I made; nobody is perfect, but you can certainly strive for perfection. It has been another year of growth through lessons and change through actions no matter how scary or risky so that I can make a difference in my life once again. I am Going After the Happy Ending" just as my upcoming book is titled and I KNOW it's out there for me in every facet of my life. I have never been so excited to finish a puzzle before... to fill in the gaps and link all the missing pieces together to create that beautiful picture.

I must admit, now that I am back on the right track, putting God as my numero uno He is letting me know I am in His will by showering me with grace and opening doors in every direction, proving once again that He is always there for his children no matter how astray we may get. With all the positive happening right now, He must be a proud papa.

Hustling has become my way of life... so as long as I am smiling and changing lives, I will keep it up and keep it real. I mean seriously... God was a hustler; that amazing dude created the world in 6 days... he makes me look like a sluggard! I want to be JUST LIKE HIM, or at least die trying.  I am blessed and continue to be blessed in this life and know that abundance awaits those of us who "hustle" as we were meant to use every single gift we were given in a way that speaks life.

"Lazy people are soon poor; hard workers get rich." Proverbs 10:4

Until next time... HUSTLE

xoxo

Shells

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Challenges of Being a Passionate Person

Ahhh... man have I missed that sound; the sound of soft piano music playing which is always what I listen to as I write. I have been so busy that it has been a full two and a half weeks since I was able to sit down and write freely just letting whatever is on my mind flow out like a raging river. I am soaking up this moment as I speak out in verse... it's my muse and I hold these moments so dear. I look forward to a time when I will be able to slow down just a bit and spend more time doing just this. The time that will come when I have reached that eventual point in my head when I will relax in satisfaction knowing that all my hard work and dedication has finally given me and my kids all that we will ever want and need; I know that day will come.

The challenges that passionate people face are countless but most of us would not have it any other way; it is actually part of the excitement. Always having some sort of burning desire that makes you wake up and keeps you from sleeping at night can be both a blessing and a curse. Your passions often hold your focus making it hard for others to become a part of your life unless they can be excited with you... unless they can dream and visualize what you see in your head. It can get lonely... so we simply stay busy to keep our minds off of that. It is only when we have quiet moments with nothing to do that we think about the sacrifices we make to go after what lights our fire, makes us tick... what we have found is our purpose in life. Realizing that you can easily alienate yourself from so many things in the world around you is quite humbling.

From the outside looking in, being passionate looks exciting and can be very motivating...  let me express that although it is, it does not mean the life we lead is for everyone. If it was, "living your dreams" would not be that special. Being passionate about something is more often a roller coaster ride than it is being secure or knowing what to expect, it is simply a force that you cannot control. I have had people say to me... "I could never do what you do, I would be so stressed not knowing from day to day, week to week if I would make enough to do everything that I needed and wanted to do." I say that I could never do what they do... regardless of how secure it felt, it would never feel right knowing that I would be trading reaching my fullest potential or seeing how far I can go for a secure salary.  I often give up wants in order to be sure that the needs of my kids and I are met and am afraid to spend too much just in case tomorrow yields a different forecast, but that is still better to me than putting my future in someone else's hands. I can guarantee what I do, but I will never control or be able to guarantee what someone else does, feels or decides. I suppose this is part of the discipline a self made entrepreneur must possess to survive the ups and downs.

The people closest to you may not always understand your passions... they may not support you and may even exclude you from things. They might mock you making fun of what your dreams, goals and ambitions are or treat you like you are worthless. People that are insecure or who have settled into comfort zones typically feel jealous or uncomfortable around people who are going after something in life. Passionate people ALWAYS want to be part of something bigger, and a truly passionate person knows that what others think will not deem their success or failure... but that allowing what others say to change our direction that will.

There have been times in my life when I allowed people to pull me away from my goals and dreams... without those setbacks I would have likely already reached my ultimate goals, but I also believe that the setbacks were necessary at the time. They were a purposeful part of my journey and I accept that as truth. The path I am headed down now is the right one... I feel it with every ounce of my soul and with that, I have become more passionate over the past few years than I have ever been. I have lost the people in my life that were not meant to be in it for the long haul and I have gained some that may very well be with me until the end; either way, life is happier and much better even if I do sit home on Friday nights to blog or work, or to do something that will help me reach what I am going after.

We all tick differently... I may not understand why every person on the planet does not want to find something to become passionate about  and go after it, however I respect that we are not all the same and love people where they are. It's simply unfortunate that I don't always get that same respect for being who I am, however I can live with it and will still accomplish my dreams without it.

If you are one of the many that sit back and watch these passionate souls around you in confusion... know that what we fight for, we live for. What we dream of, we expect to make a reality with every ounce of who we are no matter what you think.... we go after it and will sacrifice things you likely would not to get what we seek. Understand that we hope one day you can appreciate us and respect that we simply attached ourselves to something that we loved and gave it our all. If you are someone that feels a burning desire to be part of something bigger... if you have a dream or goal that you are afraid to go after because of what others might think... let me tell you that it is worth it. Even when you are lonely, you will have purpose and God knows where your heart is even when nobody else understands. DON'T let go of your dreams... let your passions live and thrive so life will be more amazing. Safety nets don't always catch you so you may as well fly.

Until next time...

xoxo

Shells

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How to Measure Success and Failure

How do you measure success? Do you feel successful or do you feel like a complete failure in life?Chances are that you are wrong on both counts if you are most people.

If you measure success only by monetary definition, you will fail to recognize that success can also be measured by the goals that were set and achieved in ones life. Many of the most successful entrepreneurs known today spent years setting and reaching goals, trying something and failing at it over and over again before finally having that moment of victory. Some even died before their fame was even recognized; they literally died trying to succeed at something they loved.

Failure does not mean you lack success, it simply shows that you are learning how NOT to do something. 

Before becoming successful, Thomas Edison tried more than 10,000 times to invent the light bulb.   When asked about his failures, Edison stated  “I know definitively over 9,000 ways that an electric light bulb will not work.”

Colonel Sanders founded KFC “Kentucky Fried Chicken” when he was 56 years old.  His recipe was reportedly rejected over 1,000 times before a restaurant picked it up. He proved that it's never too late to become a success,

I know that I would much rather die trying than to die saying "What if I had tried?"

Henry Ford founded two automotive companies that failed before he was able to gain success with the Ford Motor Company. At his time of death,  Ford’s estimated net worth was $188 billion dollars.

What do you think he celebrated more? His failures or his victory? I would be willing to bet that if he had never failed he would not have been as driven to succeed.

Dr. Seuss's first manuscript was rejected 27 times before it was published, however because he never gave up, he became one of the most recognized children's writers of all time. 

Today, his quotes are searched more that 135,000 times per month according to Google and every person over the age of 4 knows who he is.

There is something inside the heart of an entrepreneur that burns... a desire that never fades, and while everyone around you may laugh or feel that you have something to prove... you know that it's not abut proving anything... it's just how you tick; you could not stop it if you tried. I have failed, I have made huge mistakes in my life, but I continue to keep going because of a desire that I simply cannot explain and often that drive and ambition alienates me from others simply because they don't get me. I am not invited to many cookouts or parties because they probably figure I am "too busy" to come. (Unfortunately, they may even be right) 

We only have one life... we are meant to live it to the fullest. We were not designed for mediocrity, we were designed with PURPOSE. No matter how crazy we may seem to others... no matter how many times we look at our bank balance and wonder if it will ever match our efforts... an entrepreneur will never cave into mediocrity; we would rather struggle to win than struggle to lose. My bank account does not at all match the time I have put in, but I know one day that it will.... or I will simply die with passion in my heart to see how far I can push myself.

Embrace failure for what it is... an opportunity to learn something that you did not know before. Chalk it up and say "Well, I guess that did not work, let me try something different." Success is all about perspective, so keep yours in check if success is what you wish; who cares what everyone else thinks, including the bank that manages your bank account. 

Your ability to succeed lies in your mind, but mostly of all, it lives and bleeds from your heart. 

Until next time...

xoxo

Shells

                                                   

                                                                               

                                                          

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Parenting the Teens of Today

It's been a couple of weeks since my last blog... and if you are an avid reader, you know that I HATE when I am not able to sit down and write; you also know that what this typically means is that life has been busy, or it has thrown me a wrench and it was necessary to re-prioritize my time. Unfortunately sometimes when that is what life calls for, the blog has to wait.

Over the last few weeks, I have had both personal and "teenage"matters to deal with and through it all I must admit I have found myself heavy-hearted and in a complete funk; something I am not used to being in. I have hurdles all of the time but I typically push right through them after maybe a day of funky-town; not this time, it had me down. I am happy to finally be on the upside of my personal issues... but am sorry to say that my teen is still struggling with hers. Luckily, I have my mental strength back and can now lend it to her.

When I was a teen, life was challenging, hurtful and not very fun for me. Sometimes when I look back, I wonder how I made it through. However, the way times have changed, things are so much worse for these newer generations; life is no longer simple in any way for them even when things are going good. My daughter Baleigh is a beautiful, bright, 13 year old young lady who was an advocate-pioneer type last year. She walked with her head held high, had tons of friends and graced the halls with the stride of a leader. Academically, she was an average "creative" student but by the end of the year her grades were suffering greatly and her self-esteem and pride slowly began to fade. We had some problems and difference of opinion regarding a very broken and troubled boy that had shown interest in her who also happened to show interest in a dozen other girls.... without details, I will share that the year did not end well.

At the beginning of this 7th grade year, I had a different child. The Vice Principal who has become a good friend over the last year saw the change in her as well, so we discussed it. That strong, proud, leader we knew had become mentally unrecognizable. I have been working with the school staff through all of this over the past several months; we joined arms like an army trying to save a country... and nothing was working. We talked with her, tried to get to the bottom of it all and failed to find the answers we were looking for. I was lost for answers and continued to struggle at home.... our relationship seemed nothing more than a battleground most of the time, almost everything was uphill and it truly broke my frustrated heart. These were the teenage years you hear of... the ones I hoped to never experience, the ones that my oldest daughter Cierra, now 22 had only mildly prepared me for. 

I am sparing the details for the sake of my daughter... but let me STRESS that you must hold them close at this age, you MUST snoop around their rooms, read what they are writing, look at the pictures on their phones, read their texts from time to time... and even check their emails once in a while. We live in a VERY different world and it is completely uncensored unless YOU sensor it. Their minds are bombarded with things that they don't understand and they are too afraid to come to us to ask; did YOU ask your parents about things at that age? No... and neither will they. Instead they ask friends who know nothing more than they do, or they Google it, or look it up on You tube. Do you KNOW what's out there?  People are unknowingly allowing the internet to raise their children because getting them out of our hair makes life easier.

Do you KNOW the stress that the education system puts on the shoulders of our children now? It is insane; even the teachers think so. It makes me want to bring all my kids home and school them myself. In this crazy fast forwarded world that puts everything out there, while knowledge that is ten times harder is being forced into their heads at lightning speed, what they are not learning is how to deal and cope with this information overload and inside many kids are simply falling apart. They are seeking their own ways to cope and when you find out how they are doing that you will be blown away, saddened and downright frightened. I thank GOD for allowing me to notice a change in my daughter despite my increasingly busy career... no matter how busy I am, I still notice my children, their behaviors, their actions and address them. I am also thankful that my oldest is back in Florida to help me snoop, because without her I may not have found out what I did, simply because I dread stepping foot into the unorganized disaster of a teenager's room.

In the eyes of most people I am REALLY old fashioned. My daughter no longer has a "smart phone" because I simply do not feel that she had enough self control or maturity to hold that much temptation in the palm of her hand. She does have a phone where she can reach me and I can reach her, that does not take pictures and I take it away every time she breaks the rules and abuses privilege of having it (which is 85% of the time) I limit television time, I don't have cable... but have Roku so I can monitor what they watch, our internet is screened, and I don't allow them to go to friend's homes that I don't know. I DO encourage them to go outside, to run around and play... to use their child-like imaginations and play games like Yahtzee. I encourage them to draw, paint, and play hide and seek because kids should be kids, they need to be silly and carefree. When they fall down, I tell them to get up and brush it off, I kiss the boo boo and let them know that they are okay. I don't helicopter parent or give them everything they want because they need to know the value of saving up for something, how to deal with life's disappointments, and know it has curve balls.The most important yet often the most heart wrenching thing that I do is hold them accountable for their behavior even when I would rather throw my hands in the air and give up; they must have consequences. Parenting is the most exhausting of all my careers but I am responsible for these cute little people and I honestly take it as seriously as I do my business. Not sure if that is good or bad, but it is me.

As I withdrew my daughter from her creative arts charter school yesterday, I knew it was the best decision due to the issue at hand regardless of the tears that rolled down her face and mine... I also realize that we have a long road ahead and it will likely get harder before it gets easier. but I won't give up. For those of you who pray... keep us in yours and for the rest of you ... toss out some positive vibes for a teen that I know can change the world.

The moral of the story I shared...

Life is full of storms... the hurdles are inevitable, sometimes they show up and smack you down without warning; adversity does not discriminate. There will be times when you will not understand why or how, when you have no answers and no energy left. Remember, the mountain is there to climb... all the beauty and victorious feelings are felt and seen at the top, so DON'T give up... do not allow that to even be an option. Hard work and perseverance will be worth it in ALL that you do; but falling down and staying down yields no rewards.

Until next time...

xoxo

Shells

                                                   

                                                                               

                                                          

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