Sunday, May 25, 2014

Not Always Rainbows...

I have missed writing for two weeks, that's 4 blog posts that I now owe you and typically when this happens, it is because I am busy with work. Now, although I HAVE been very busy with home/career stuff this was not the reason I failed to blog this time; nope... this time I did not blog because I was struggling with some personal issues and had to take a mental break to sort through some things in my head. Unfortunately, it took me longer than normal to sort and I realize that maybe I should have blogged; blogging helps me sort...it's like therapy for me. I suppose I don't always have to be the one that is super strong... I suppose I too can emotionally crack from time to time and still be a person who others look up to, admire and consult; after all, I am human and imperfect just like everyone else, so perhaps it is not so odd or strange to feel his way.

So as I was saying... I had some mental "poo" to deal with and although it's not completely sorted yet, I have come to terms that drastic changes are going on in my life right now and what I am feeling are simply the growing pains of it all. Just this week I was on a business trip and as I was sitting in my hotel room alone one night thinking in a quiet solitude of nothingness, I vividly remembered where my life was just 5 short years ago. I felt like everything was crumbling around me and all I had to rely on was my faith and my Mom; I could not have recovered without her strength and help, but trusting in my faith is what got me through. I decided this week in that very moment curled up in that comfy hotel room bed, that all I had to do was repeat the process I did 5 years ago.

So many wonderful things are happening; so many growth spurts, so I was a fool to think that everything and everyone including me could remain untouched and unaffected by the changes happening in my life. This is a new stage, new leaves are turning and because I am feeling more growth than ever before, I was starting to feel pretty lonely. People around me, many whom are the closest to me are not understanding or supporting my decisions because they are used to me the way I have been so these changes are uncomfortable, even when it is logical and what's best for me and my family. Many people are complacent, they have settled for "what is" instead of going after "what can be"... that one trait has always made me different. I always find ways to improve, to figure out what issues I have and how to deal with them better. We ALL have issues and ailments, but I have never settled into such a comfort that I wanted to stay where I was; it's just not how I am wired. I simply have to accept that not everyone is like that. I explore the most into who I am and what my fullest potential is, so it is often hard to understand why others don't.

I am learning a lot more about myself lately, I know that I am molting into new skin and it's not quite comfortable yet, not even for me... but I also know I am meant for what's ahead so I will trust in my faith once again and PUSH forward into the direction I am being led. I must accept that some will follow and some will run the other way. As I reach my fullest potential, I will lose those who were merely there for a moment, who were there only to serve a purpose or teach me a valuable lesson. There are two kinds of people in our lives... the ones who matter and the rest. Learn who really matters in life; the ones that stand by you no matter what, the ones who love and support you no matter how crazy you are; the ones that know you are too valuable to let go... hold onto them.

As I end tonight's blog, I will say this...

I am happy, because I chose to be. I go through things that tear me down, make me want to quit, become complacent and accept less than I deserve....but I refuse to let ANY of that happen. Failure is not an option... for when you give up you will never experience what your life was meant to be and never realize what you are truly capable of. Along the way, you will only lose what was intended to be temporary. When you keep going, what you are left with is your destiny.

xoxo

Shells


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