Monday, September 22, 2014

Why is Love so Hard?

I am a far cry from being a relationship expert... at least in the sense of man and woman relations. In fact,  it seems that no matter how hard I try,  history has proven that in my own life it rarely works long term. I come from two failed marriages and have consistently struggled in the relationship department over the years. However, give me a friendship or business relationship and I could write a book on how to build a long, loyal, strong, meaningful one. So, I asked myself today as I have many times...why is finding love so hard for me????? Is it me or is it the people I am attracted to and end up with? OR is it that because I constantly work on self improving that I am constantly morphing into a different person? Little did I know this would send my brain into a frenzy of my past, present (and likely my future if I did not figure this out.) Here is what I came up with... for now at least.

We all have an idea of who our perfect person is...  for some people love is purely based upon physical attributes and connections; the trophy wives and the hunky husbands who can rock your world in every physical way. Sometimes it is based solely upon having things in common, which aids in having a better understanding and being able to relate to each other and have fun in more ways than most. Then there are some who merely crave intellect, spirituality, compassion and a strong emotional connection. I realized recently that I have been each of these people in different stages of my life...  but only one at a time.

When I ask myself what stage I am in now... I can no longer pick just one; I feel that I want them all, the least important being the first one mentioned; guess that is called maturity. Being at a point in my life where everything seems to be moving forward, unfortunately my relationship rapidly moved backward; leaving me to wonder if it's me since history keeps repeating itself. As much as I love the idea of being with one amazing person for the rest of my life, I have also been quoted saying "I am not the relationship type" simply because I bore easily... ( I could always blame that on the ADHD.) Sometimes I feel that I may expect too much...  because although I KNOW things can never be perfect, I want it to be be perfect in my mind or simply perfect enough. (guess that is the OCPD)

Love in an intimate relationship is hard, much harder to me than building a business relationship or friendship; but I also know that the things that are more difficult to obtain in life are always more of a reward in the end.  I certainly hope that one day I can experience the rewards of true love, but until then I won't give up and do my best to keep my mind open to it despite what has happened in past relationships. True love is not perfect as some may think, true love is not free of brokenness, sadness, hurt or pain. True love is not what many people think it is.... if it was, divorces would be rare.

True love is unconditional; solid without question. It is present at the end of every disagreement, it is something that never fades in time but instead grows with age, and it is something that prevails with every hurdle. Feel fortunate if you have found it... never take advantage of it and always embrace it.

xoxo

Shells


                                           
                                                          
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