Sunday, September 28, 2014

Seasons Change ... Stay Strong and Love more

Over the past several months... winds of change have been blowing through my life; and although I know that these changes are ultimately good ones, it is always uncomfortable in the beginning when uncertainty sets in. When something you have cared for and put your time into ends... it's always a sad day. However because I have grown accustomed to change I know the stages that I will go through very well. You always feel like you have lost your ground until you figure out exactly how to transition; there is no way around that part.

I am a very deep and emotional person...deep meaning when I look at a situation I tend to see way more than what's on the surface and will dig deeper to find more; emotional meaning that I am in tune with my own feelings and the feelings of others in a much stronger way than what the average person feels. I suppose I can credit this to a compassionate, caring and loving heart and although it opens me up for more hurt, I would not have it any other way because it makes me me. When I was a little girl, I cared more and gave more to others than anyone I knew ... I am wired that way I suppose. I have even had people from my past reconnect with me reminding me and share with me how I touched their lives by being that way... one girl from my childhood reconnected with me after 30 years to say thank you for being one of the only people that was nice to her for who she was and not because of her popular brother. It was a true example of what one small gesture can do for someone. 

As I went through changes in life and as things and situations began to happen that hurt me, as people were cruel and relationships ended in betrayal, my heart slowly changed and walls began to form. As many people do, I wanted to protect myself, I wanted to stop the feelings of hurt, pain and sadness. Coldness began to set it and I stopped caring because I never felt cared for... I became resentful and stopped trusting because people had failed me, betrayed me and broken my trust when I thought they truly cared. As the stories unfolded I allowed bitterness, anger and resentment to swallow me up and stayed there for a long time.

Years continued to pass and I slowly began to open up because I wanted to feel again, so I made it a mission to find my old heart. I was not happy with who I had become, I felt very empty inside and not caring about anyone or anything proved to be very destructive and it simply was not who I was, but merely who I had become due to circumstances. Of course, I was hurt again but as history began to repeat itself I held strong and decided that I would not allow these things to make me cold and bitter again. I was open again but not fully, I was softened but not melted and the thought of  being completely vulnerable still scared me to death. However I kept my heart and my mind open and was lucky to have some pretty amazing people enter my life as a result; some who are still there. Then, without any warning at all a person came into my life that made me feel more vulnerable than ever... and although it terrified me it also made me feel free... so I allowed it to develop. For the past 4 years I have had many happy times, some sad times and some utterly confusing times; in the end, it did not last forever...  I had to let it go for my well being.

As I dive into a new chapter in life, I remain strong... I can't say I have not cried but that is never a sign of weakness, it is a sign of feeling, emotion and care for something. So many amazing things are happening in my life that I can be thankful for and this change will be good, it will be fresh and new and because I know me... I know that everything will be okay. I believe that every single person crosses your path to serve a purpose and once that purpose is fulfilled God may simply change your direction so He can deliver what is meant for your life. I will choose to follow Him and know because of that in the end my life will be fulfilled in EVERY single way. 

My message to you today is this... if you are going through changes in life that have you feeling down, if you are uncertain of the "why" of it all... just trust and know that seasons change and with every season new beauty surrounds us, freshness fills the air, flowers bloom, leaves change and blankets of snow fall. Open yourself up to soak in that beauty, don't allow confusion and uncertainty swallow you up... just go with it and trust that everything will be okay. Stay strong, and love more. 





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