Monday, November 23, 2015

Focus, Faith and Future

As I cued up the instrumental music tonight, I wasn't quite sure what to write about... so I prayed. In mere moments, the word FOCUS stirred inside of me. Here I go, letting it flow, fingers to the keys, no forethought at all.



RAT ON A WHEEL

There are so many thoughts in my head that I can barely keep up with them. Focus is a constant battle. I make lists and then sub-lists just to get it all out and accomplished. As my good friend Will best describes me... " You have a Ferrari brain with Chevy brakes." That about sums it up, and it's no different today than it was yesterday, in fact, it may even be worse.

Many things in today's world demand our "focus" calling our immediate attention; or is it that we simply CHOOSE to give them the immediate attention that they DO NOT truly deserve? We are pulled so far away from where our focus should be...

GOD 1st, FAMILY 2nd, CAREER 3rd

That is what is written, it's what is REQUIRED to live a life of abundance, yet we struggle as we are pulled from living this way on a daily basis. It takes a lot of strength to live this trilogy of faith; I suppose that is why the reward is so great when we do.

This morning when I woke up with an overwhelming feeling to write, the urge was expressed in a status update on Facebook. Without any though at all, I opened my laptop and just wrote...

So often we look for happiness and fulfillment in things... in people... in actions, money and careers yet still feel empty, lonely, broken and defeated.
Simply put, we are looking in the wrong places.
Once you realize where to turn, who to surrender control to, and EXPERIENCE the wonder of God's grace for real, your heart and life will be filled in a way I can only describe through experience.
I have come a long way since my days of atheism; I did not even know that's what it was called. All I knew was that God had never been there for me... or so I thought. My life was a mess and I felt that if I was "His child" he wouldn't let my life fall apart.
In reality, He was always there. I had just never invited Him to walk with me, to guide me, to change me. Now that I have, my life has changed, my heart is filled even when it's empty and even when I fall; because I still do, I know by grabbing His hand in a tearful surrender, He will pick me up and carry me to a peaceful place.
Have a blessed Sunday knowing that you are never alone even in your loneliest moments and that you are blessed every day even when you don't notice.

All day, my mind swirled around in thought about what I wrote and I got a feeling inside that I need to shift my focus in a few areas of life. Then, one sentence in today's message at church confirmed that for me. Refocus is needed in many of our lives as we sacrifice things we should never sacrifice for things so insignificant, so undeserving. We don't even take moments to STOP and realize that it is leaving us empty inside. We repeat cycles expecting different outcomes when the results have already been proven and rarely change; we are in a comfortable denial.

We hold onto things for self serving reasons and call ourselves generous, we future pace our lives instead of handling the present, we avoid problems and issues causing them to multiply while focusing on what deserves the LEAST amount of our attention. We hurt ourselves, our lives, our present, our future and those around us. 

TIME TO REFOCUS!!
I have been working really hard lately on refocusing energy, but have failed in a few areas. Today I made a promise to myself, to future, to family and to the legacy that I hope to leave behind long after being gone. I will refocus in the areas of life where it's needed and put God 1st in everything. I have failed Him, but He does not fail me. Trying harder, sacrificing for Him, not for self service will allow Him to deliver the life He wants to give me. Where I fail, He will forgive, where I fall, he will pick me up and carry me when there is nothing left in me to walk. Putting my attention where it should be and leaving the rest alone is something that I will remind myself of every single day.

I encourage you to evaluate where your focus is... define what is sucking up all your energy and attention. Is it worthy of your attention? If it is, then make it a more significant part of your life, but if it's not, perhaps you should simply let it go. Get unstuck by shifting your focus and weeding out what is not helping you. Focus on the what is to be rather than the what is now or what has been before. Change is the most uncomfortable feeling there is and letting go of things is frightening... but at times it is the ONLY answer to reaching the next stage of life.

Until next time....

PURSUE WHAT YOU HOPE FOR; LEAVE BEHIND WHAT YOU WISH TO FORGET.... 


xoxo

Shells





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Monday, November 9, 2015

Mirror Mirror on the Wall..... a Thought on Reflection

There is a tremendous energy pouring out into my words tonight. As I slid on my headphones, cued up my instrumental music and closed my eyes to pray over the delivery of my message to you, an unexpected tear rolled down my face and I wasn't quite sure if it was a happy tear or just a powerful little moment of reflection. It has been quite a week, a roller coaster of emotions as many thoughts have been swirling around in my head. This is not to say that this isn't a usual occurrence for me, but this week has been a little more intense than normal; dramatic change will do that for you.

This message is going to speak loudly to someone, maybe it's you... maybe it is someone that you know that you'll share it with... all I know is that my intuitive energy is saying that THIS is going to be an important post for someone who reads it.

REFLECTION

The other night as I lay awake in bed reflecting on things past, present and the hopes for a beautiful future, I thought about the many years that I did not like who I was as a person. I found myself recalling the actions and experiences that made me the person I had a hard time looking at. I did all I could to pretend that I was someone else to gain acceptance from those around me. As years went on, I hid my anger, frustrations, shame, sadness, and emptiness from everyone; there was a lot of it. I used to stare in the mirror and wonder who I really was, I felt as though I had actually lost myself somewhere along the way.

It wasn't until years later, I realized that it wasn't that I had lost who I was... It was that I had never really figured out WHO I actually was simply because the time was never spent getting to know the real ME. I was too busy submerged in the circumstances, and experiences trying to fake it, trying to be who everyone else expected me to be. I had not yet defined who I truly wanted to be and how I could become that person. It was even later still that I realized I was actually responsible for creating what others saw in me; it was with that discovery that everything began to change. My actions, my priorities, visions of my future; I shudder at the thought of where I once was, how far I have come and all that I have and continue to learn about myself in the process.

PERCEPTION

We all perceive ourselves as this "person" and when we look at our reflection in the mirror we see that "person" staring back at us. Have you ever thought about the fact that YOU have only seen your reflection? You have NEVER and never will be able to see yourself as others see you... it's basically impossible. Let that soak in for a minute. Close your eyes after reading this sentence and think about what you feel when you stare at yourself in the mirror.... what do you see?

AVOIDANCE

Now... do you like that person or do you avoid staring at your reflection because you are filled with feelings of regret, shame, guilt, or disgust? Do you fail to see the beauty because all you see are flaws? Do you see only mistakes, bad choices, or the pain that you and others around you have caused? Do you see wrinkles, tired eyes and a solemn face, or is there still a smile? What you avoid multiplies... what you face, gets resolved. What are you scared to face? What are you avoiding?

DISBELIEF

How many times has someone told you that you look like a celebrity and you found it surprising? How about when someone sees a quality in you or compliments you on something that almost makes you feel uncomfortable or comes across as ingenuine because you simply cannot see it yourself?People are not crazy... they just have the unique ability to see in us what we often cannot see ourselves. Maybe it's time to start believing they are right and accepting it as truth; that is the hard part. Even harder is accepting these things when you can't even look at yourself in the mirror. Have you taken the time to define who you are, to really get to know YOU and create who you want everyone else to see?

EPITAPH

I often think of my epitaph... and what I want it to be. After years of figuring out what makes me tick, through self discovery and reflection, I sometimes think of what others will say about me when I am gone. It's not that I care if people like me or not, but rather the legacy I will leave behind. When you think of things in this perspective, something may click inside of you like it did me.

People around us die every single day and although all are missed initially, the ones whose absence is felt by many for long periods of time are those that took the time to develop a reflection to be proud of; to create a life of significance that touched the hearts and lives of others deeply; THAT is who I want to be so that my existence matters, so that I make a difference in someone's life while I am here, even if they only knew me for a moment. I want to be proud of myself even if nobody else is. THAT is what matters to me. I want to use every single gift God gave me to do good; one of the reasons you are reading this blog right now was me wanting to take my trials and failures and share them with you. There is nothing wrong with, but everything wrong with not enjoying your own reflection or in these days of social media... enjoying your"selfie".

I catch myself looking at people's self portraits on social media and find that they often tell a story. Some tell a story of triumph while others tell a story of tragedy. Some people are crying out while others are shouting to the rooftops that THEY LIKE WHO THEY ARE! (and well, then some are just plain narcissistic.)

A SPIRITUAL TWIST

What does God see? How does He perceive us? Have you ever asked yourself this question? Perhaps you have avoided God altogether because of your own inability to look at that person in the glass. Maybe you are telling yourself that you are faithful while still doubting your worthiness. That used to be me. I had made so many mistakes, and was so ashamed of myself and my decisions and failures. I  felt alone, angry and empty. It wasn't until I learned that God sees us all in light, in glory that He gave to us, that our imperfections are what gives Him a reason to step in and perfect us. We are all seeds of perfection waiting to be watered and bathed in the sun of His grace if we can just BELIEVE that we are worth it. That is the life He wants for you, and in reality, it's the life we want for ourselves. CLAIM IT!!!!


YOU ARE WORTH IT

You are forgiven. Ask and you shall receive, but you have to TAKE what is given to you. We are all molded by experience, all of us shaped through shame and failure. Some of us accept these things and find our way through hope and grace while others continue to drown in the cold and emptiness falling back right where God wanted to pick us up from. Reach for His hand... it is outstretched and waiting for you to grab hold..

GROWTH

My words were not always so faithful, in fact as the past few years brought on more confusing trials and pain, my faith grew substantially, and I grew so much as a person. Sometimes I feel that with every stage of growth I am set farther and farther apart from everyone around me, and that reality can feel pretty lonely. It is hard to connect with people when they can't seem to connect with where you are in life. In these times I pray, and ask for the right people to fall into my path and have faith that one day I will be fulfilled... I know that day will come.


MOMENT OF TRUTH

I encourage you today to stare at your reflection... for longer than a minute, truly look deeply into it and decide what you need to change, face what you have been avoiding and give YOURSELF your all. Begin to see what others see, by simply believing it as truth. For me... that meant facing some harsh realities. What others saw was an egotistical know it all who thought she was better than everyone else, and men saw me as someone who was vulnerable and easy to fool into "love", because I lacked it, even for myself. Kind of funny how contrary that was to who I saw when I looked in that mirror. The person I saw was a broken soul, in need of saving. I was trying to prove myself to the world because my self esteem was so low I felt I was proof of nothing. I drank to drown my shame, had no self worth and gave what value I did have away to anyone who would give me attention and make me feel loved, but it wasn't true... it was false and this left me insecure, lonely and empty.

When I faced what others saw and decided that was NOT how I wanted my story written, not the person I wanted to be known as, I changed. When will you change? Are you ready for something different?



Until next time....

PURSUE WHAT YOU HOPE FOR; LEAVE BEHIND WHAT YOU WISH TO FORGET.... 


xoxo

Shells





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Tuesday, October 27, 2015

He Says...I Believe; So You Should Too

After a very long week and even longer weekend away on business, I truly felt like going to bed tonight and skip the blog, especially after being on the road all day driving home. However, staying focused on my priorities and being consistent is very important to me. As easy as it is to get  distracted I refused to bail on my priorities tonight since I have committed to writing a blog every Monday. Now here I sit with tired eyes and a hot cup of coffee.

I attended a leadership conference this weekend a few states away with my kids and nanny in tow... it was great. I took so much away from it, so I was expecting to write on something that stuck with me. Yet as I sat to write, I was driven to write about something more spiritual, personal and intimate. I don't know why really, but when I am led from the gut, I know it's God, so I listen and obey. 

My guess is that someone needs this today, so here it goes. (forgive my weary self for any type errors or sentences that may run on.)



I DON'T BELIEVE IT


Not everyone believes they are meant for greatness, that they have the abilities to do anything they set their mind to, nor do they have faith that they can recover after they fall flat on their face. Competing with your own doubtful mind is the most difficult thing to do, especially when trying to recover from a tough blow. When we are hurt, saddened, angered or shaken, we often take a hit to our faith, belief, pride, ego, self esteem and self worth. Nothing seems worse than the situation, the circumstance or the pain we are going through and we fear of ever going through it again.

HOLDING BACK

When we are hurt, we shelter ourselves, we hide and often repel even the good things that come our way fearing that we don't deserve them, that they are artificial, or that they will hurt us and disappear just like things from our past. The problem lies most in the fact that holding back will never push us forward, it will simply keep us where we are or push us even deeper into our hole.

COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE

It's time to come out... to peek outside and face the fears that you have within you to experience the goodness that waits. Holes are deep, dark, cold and lonely. God says that He believes in us, that He believes in us so much that me has prepared a life for us, one of greatness, abundance, happiness and peace. Our only job is to seek and find... to trust and obey... to see it and seize it in obedience. Are you hiding in a hole rejecting what God has for you or are you going to come out and gather the gifts He has to give you?

I CAN'T LIE, IT MAY HAPPEN AGAIN

I lost count years ago how many people have hurt me, failed me, rejected me and saddened me... I chose to stop counting so that I could carry on. Quite frankly I'd still be counting if I hadn't made that choice. I discovered that as long as I was keeping score, I stayed in the game. Every time it happened again, it got easier to recover and though I did not know why, I know now it was God's way of building strength for what was coming. I needed more mental toughness, more resilience, more fight for the future hurdles I would face and through these trials that continue, I come closer and closer to Him. I trust more and more in my faith; it's on purpose.

IF I COULD DO IT ALL AGAIN

I think back and can't imagine how many things I would have missed out on if I had stayed in my hole and not taken the next step. Sure, I continue to suffer from hurt, sadness and disappointing times, but I bounce back quicker from the tears each time it occurs. Through the process, I have been humbled as my ego was shattered and flushed away. My heart softened, my bitterness ended and it was all replaced with compassion, peace and hope for all I have ever wanted no matter how out of reach some things still seem. I suppose knowing what I know now, if given the chance to do it all over, I would ask for the same gifts... that is how I truly try to look at things even when I am tearful and confused as to the "why".

HE BELIEVES

What will you do? Will you move on from your pain, hurt,  rejection, anger and resentment and accept a life fulfilled? OR will you stay in your hole, that darkness, that cold and lonely place and die without hope and happiness? God believes IN YOU! He has given you all the talent, all the drive and ambition to be amazing. Through these trials, he has built your strength. Maybe you don't see or feel it maybe you've never revealed it, or maybe you have buried it... but I promise you it's there. I further promise that if you pay attention, He will place the people you need to unleash it directly into your path if you call upon Him. Remember, HE has prepared a life for you. Will you take that step of faith? 

I encourage you to choose life instead of strife and love instead of loneliness. 



Until next time....

PURSUE WHAT YOU HOPE FOR; LEAVE BEHIND WHAT YOU WISH TO FORGET.... 


xoxo

Shells





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Monday, October 19, 2015

Going After The Happy Ending....

I NEEDED SOME QUIET TIME
Tonight, as I sit here, eager to blog after a much needed break, I am not sure how it will pour out. It's been over a month since I last wrote. My kids and I were moving into a new home, so in the nooks and crannies of being a busy, single career mom, I only gave myself a month to pack up a 2500 sq. ft house...(In hind sight? probably should have given myself more time.)

Needless to say, I was burned out, and feeling a bit overwhelmed in some areas of life, so I decided to take some "quiet" time for myself. Sometimes, in order to find balance, I temporarily remove things from this often overflowing plate. Unfortunately, my blog is one of those things that I don't "HAVE" to do. It's more of what I enjoy doing; that favorite hobby that even though I prefer not to, I can and must put on the back burner once in a while. I  love to inspire you and quite honestly, it's very therapeutic for me to do so. I appreciate you reading and sharing... I want you to know that.

Taking that break was a great idea after all. I am starting to feel alive again, and even in the imperfect moments, I push through. Finding the bright side is truly second nature to me at this point. I have heaved enough hurdles, swallowed enough disappointments and overcome enough obstacles to last a lifetime... (and it actually feels like they have lasted that long.)


NOW THAT THE DUST HAS SETTLED
After getting settled into the new home last week, I was able to attend my new church for the first time, and attended again today. After an INCREDIBLE two weeks of worship and amazing messages, I was moved to get back to writing, (now that I am out of cardboard hell.)

In this season of life, I find that every message I hear gets closer and closer to my heart and know that it is certainly more than coincidence. I feel God himself is speaking to me, telling me what I need to hear like a soft whisper. It is very comforting, and makes me feel so well taken care of as I continue to pray upon a few areas of life that I just can't seem to get right.

DIGGING IN
As I travel down a completely new road of life, I am feeling a spiritual need to dig  further into the depths of my past... my present, and hopes for my future. I felt the need to write down lessons that I have learned, am learning now and ones I feel I still need to learn. I felt it would help me remind myself how far I have come, where I am now and to get more excited about where I hope to go. Perspective is everything, and often even though we are moving forward, it feels instead like we are treading water as we go after something.

STOPPING TO SOAK IT IN 
If we don't stop and breathe for a bit, to reflect and plan ahead, we will end up getting lost in our travels. Tomorrow (August 19th) marks what would have been my oldest sister's 51st birthday if she were still here. It was my first official day back to the grind since the move so I have declared it the first day of the rest of my life in her honor.

I refuse to make the same mistakes anymore, I promise myself to stay true to my values, morals, ethics and goals. I will expect more and stop accepting less than what I am worth. I will choose to limit  my time spent to those who show the desire to spend time with me. Chasing dreams is fun and exciting, chasing people, not so much.

It's amazing what you realize when you are truly honest with yourself... what happens when you sit with pen and paper and write down your mistakes and decisions and how they affected your life. It gives you clarity and helps you realize exactly what NOT to do again and exactly what to do in order to fix it, to change it. Everything good begins with change.

DON'T GIVE UP, TAKE A CHANCE
Are you TRULY happy in all aspects of your life right now? If you are, then job well done, you better cherish that! If not, what can YOU do to change your position? What is it that holds you back? What cycles are you repeating that keep you in a vicious circle of what you don't want? Are you taking chances or staying safe?

For some, taking chances is all they have ever done... (ahem, me) and for others, chances are what they have never taken and wonder why they stand still. Safety nets may catch you when you fall, but the exciting part is being shot out of the canon... the feeling you get while you are flying cannot be described nor duplicated.


MY HAPPY ENDING AWAITS... SO DOES YOURS
The 3 year anniversary of my book releasing on Amazon is October 20th... just a couple of days away. I plan to write a few hours each night until my next book is complete starting that day. I did it once, I can do it again. Focus... dedication and perseverance will get me to that "Happy Ending" that I so desire. The blessing lies in being happy while I go after it.

One day... I will be married to the man God wants me to have, or live happily in the fact of never marrying for the reasons I should have had. I will live the abundant life He promises, I will reach all my goals and LIVE OUT my dreams... because that is what being faithful means; believing that your "Happy Ending" is there even when it's not able to be seen yet.

Are you waiting for yours? Is it right in front of you or in the far far distance? It is up to you to not let it pass you by, pay attention, pursue it, GO AFTER IT and once you have it, NEVER let it go.

Until next time....

PURSUE WHAT YOU HOPE FOR; LEAVE BEHIND WHAT YOU WISH TO FORGET.... 

and  for that ONE special person that I know God is creating for me... 
I can't wait to live this life with you




xoxo

Shells





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Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Walking in the Footsteps of Faith



As I sit here at my keyboard tonight... so many things are swirling around in my head. My thoughts are a hurricane of mixed emotion all wrapped up in a tiny box, crowding the space in my head. The sensible part of me wants to grab the wheel and take control; to force things to happen the way that I want, need or hope them to be, because that is what I have always done. I have always been the lone survivor.  However, the faithful side of me; the side that has grown tremendously says... be still, give up control, do it differently this time and maybe your results will change. I am telling myself to let it rest on the shoulders of my faith and am trying so hard to listen closely to what I am being led to do.


JUST GIVE UP...

We are taught to not give up... and trust me, I will NEVER give up, but as believers we ARE taught to give up... to surrender our worries, our troubles and our lives to God and trust in His faithfulness. Yet walking in the footsteps of faith, although we know that is what we are supposed to do, is the hardest thing to do; especially when we are essentially putting full trust into something we cannot see.. touch or feel. However, when you have lived a life like mine, full of self induced trials and challenges caused by poor decisions, God has a way of showing up in a way that you CAN feel Him... and that does make it easier to trust in times when my faith is tested. When I should be weak, I am finding strength... by diving in and giving up.


WHEN WE CAN'T HE CAN

I have talked a lot lately in my posts about prayer... mainly because I am completely on my knees each day with all that is going on in my life. What's interesting is that I have had a lot of activity on these posts; more than normal actually. What that tells me, is that I need to continue being a voice for God; people are needing it, seeking it, wanting it. My paths have changed and even though I am facing a lot of struggle right now, I know beyond all of it lies a gift... a chance to grow in my faith once again. I have been here before...  not the exact circumstance, but in a situation similar enough to see through to the other side. When we can't, He can. 

ONCE YOU HAVE IT 

Faith that grows is like a vine that never ends... it winds through your heart, into your mind and embraces you like a blanket on a chilly night. You will still get cold, but when you do,  you know that all you have to do is wrap yourself tighter and the cold will not penetrate. Once you have faith... once you have experienced what it can truly do in your life, you will never be alone. When you feel alone, you will simply remind yourself that you can trust it, that you need to seek more the more troubled your life becomes. Realize that adversity is a gift... it serves a purpose.

ALL OR NOTHING

When you have nothing, all you have are two choices. Grab the wheel, hug the curves and hope for the best or let go and put it on cruise control... allowing God to set the path. Give it your all or give it nothing. Give Him your all and He will give you nothing... but grace.


AND SO IT IS

On my way to church yesterday, I was looking for clarity,  I had been praying about it all week. A few times through tears and confusion. I came off stage after the praise and worship (I am on the worship team) and sat down in my normal front row seat having no idea what the pastor was going to give his message on. As always... God answered my prayer, yet again. He grew my faith even more. He laid peace upon me in one simple passage which I will share at the close of this post. I know the storms will continue beyond doubt, until He has formed me into all that I am to be through Him. 


DON'T GIVE UP...  BUT GIVE IN

It is so easy to give up... to give up trying, give up fighting, give up dreaming and what we hope for in our lives; it's what most people do. We must NEVER give up because HE doesn't give up on us. We must simply give in... give our worries, fears and uncertainty to the one who will carry us through. We must listen and take the steps we are led to take. We must walk in the footsteps of our faith; that is what will lead us to the life we were meant for. A life filled with love, prosperity,  hope and true happiness.

In closing, I will share that passage that meant everything to me yesterday, it gave me the clarity that I was looking for. It was the reminder that I needed to embrace the troubles, to be thankful for them and to know that I am being perfected by Him, through Him and for Him. I hope that you too can find peace in this message, in this post and share it with someone who may need it.


" Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing" James1:2-4

Until next time... be faithful

xoxo

Shells





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