You Never Know What Will Change Your Life

So... I must say that I don't even know where to begin. As I sit here with my headphones on... piano in my ears I am reflecting on the last two days and I am in awe. I gave up a day of work yesterday to speak at the Great American Teach In at my daughter's school of the Arts located in the inner city of Tampa and although I did it to influence lives, I too was changed; my purpose was defined even clearer than it already was and I am truly speechless tonight, so forgive me if the words do not flow as I hope they will.

For those of you who are not familiar with magnet schools and how they work, it is basically a school that is located in a "bad" area of town that is given a specific category of study such as the arts so that kids from the suburbs will want to attend; therefore giving the inner city kids a better opportunity for getting out of the inner city and to be offered a better education because they will receive more funding from the government. I sent my oldest daughter Cierra to a Magnet middle school as well because I wanted my kids to be diverse... to love all colors, all social economic classes. Yes, I sent them to the "ghetto" to a school that catered to their strengths so they could mingle with kids that did not have what they had ON PURPOSE.

Normally, you go talk to one class... and typically it is your child's class. However, when they found out that I was an inspirational/ motivational writer and speaker they were EXCITED and asked me to stay all day. I happily gave up whatever it was I could have made monetarily to hopefully help a child who needed to hear what I had to say. I spoke to 8 periods of 6th, 7th and 8th graders... 7:40 am-3:30 pm without lunch, or bathroom breaks because I was on a mission to influence troubled youth with my stories of overcoming all that I have endured. I never felt hungry or tired.... it was an amazing day. I brought teachers, principals and many, many students to tears. I brought out emotions that therapists need months to bring out in one single hour with each class, I was blown away more than they were at times. I had never really spoken in this way before... it was kind of my first "formal" gig where I told my story outside of my book signings that were totally off the cuff. I planned... a little but knew I had to cater to each class individually by asking some questions or my message would never be heard.

I brought SO many kids through grief they were dealing with of losing a loved one, I talked to them about bullying... and when I asked every class who had been "the bully" I told them to be honest... I would not judge them; they raised their hands and admitted it. I thanked them for their courage and told them that admitting it was the first step  to ending it; I understand abuse and the steps it takes to stop due to people who have been in my life. I made these bullies want to change. I had one of the "TOUGHEST" kids of the day who was loud and proud about being a bully ask to walk me to my next class. I had asked her why she was mean in front of everyone because she was so proud of it... and gave her permission to hold the answer to herself... that I just wanted her to think about it. When she walked me to my next class she told me she wanted to answer my question. She said people had been mean to her and that she has lost 6 people VERY close to her, one was a brother to cancer in the past 3 years. I hugged her as she cried and told her that she needed to change that anger into love... I told her to become the person who helps someone up who falls down or who is being bullied or being disrespected and had her promise that to me. Today the Vice principal told me that at breakfast this morning when everyone was disrespecting the teachers by not listening that she stood up and said "stop it... be quiet and listen." I felt like a proud mom.

I had another girl who admitted to being a bully tell her story in front of all of her classmates as if it were only she and I in the room. She said that she was once a bully and stopped when her mother lost a baby. She told me that she was so sad and knew that kids killed themselves because of bullying and did not want anyone to feel the sadness that she felt when she lost that possible sibling; she was balling... I called her up and held her as she wept in front of the whole entire class. Another beautiful young man gave me a piece of yarn from his pocket and said maybe I could make something out of it and later brought me a picture that he drew which I will be framing. It was surreal bringing these emotions out... they were so raw and real but I know that by doing this they are on the right path to healing and changing if they stick with it and THAT was my purpose.

Now... I want to share how I was changed. After telling a small portion of my story I showed a slideshow I created that you will see at the end of this post. It was presented to each class. I spoke during certain slides to explain what they were seeing... and afterwards we had a Q&A and a little more of me sharing and caring with and for them. One young man who to me was one of the most courageous of the day, was a seventh grade boy in the front row. After showing the slideshow which includes before and after's of models that I work with as I spoke about true beauty and self image telling the story of how models are every day people who have someone like me make them 'look the part" and that even THEY need to feel beautiful. I told the boys to not expect their future wives to look like that when they wake up and I told the girls that they are only a few brush strokes away from the outside beauty that they don't feel they possess but that all of them needed to focus on the inside instead.  So, this 7th grade boy Xavier Pellot raises his hand and asks me... "Do you ever feel like what you do for a living affects people negatively?" I sat there for a minute and thought... I had already explained that I chose to do what I do to make people feel good about who they were on the outside; so I said, "Honestly, no but I am really curious to hear your process of thought, will you share it?" So he did ... he said, "You make people who are "ordinary" look beautiful and that might make an ordinary person feel ugly." A tear came to my eye as I stood silent... AMAZED at this PROFOUND comment coming from this young man! I said... "Xavier, can I share that YOU just changed MY life? That was amazing, brave and seriously gave me something to think about as I move forward.

All night I thought of what he said and I now have a change in my path... out of this was birthed an idea and a mission and I WILL dedicate my life to as well as this beautiful soul... this amazing young man who kept me from sleeping last night. I will say again, THANK YOU XAVIER! I will NEVER forget you. It's people like you and me who speak their mind and ruffle feathers that change the world... but I already told him that.

Today I went back to that school. It just keeps getting better!!!! I was asked by the assistant principal to come back today to help spearhead a program for a group of girls at the school who call themselves G.A.B. "girls against bullying". I sat with the girls in a conference room for 2 hours; lots of tears hearing their stories and I gave them a lesson on the definition of bullying, how to be a friend and much, much more. I cannot even share what happened in that room due to confidentiality but at the end of my two hours I promised these 7th grade girls to help them take this national... and I will simultaneously create B.A.B. (boys against bullying) so they feel included too. The Vice Principal also wants me to be a speaker for teachers and administration and make my book mandatory reading material in our county and beyond and knows how to make that happen. He said that I touched him with my story and brought back memories he had tucked away and that the feedback from my presentation from the teachers and students was incredible. He told me he believed in what I was trying to do and wanted to help me. As we stood on the fun-day field today three more kids that heard me speak yesterday came up and told me their painful stories and cried with me and thanked me for sharing mine; he witnessed that.

I could keep talking about all that happened as a result of my decision to go speak for two days but you will just have to watch this story unfold; I think that will be way more inspirational and motivational and well... that is why I write. I hope you continue to follow my journey. I am dumbfounded and high on life... even as I still cough like crazy from this cold I cannot kick. I know that the sky is the limit for me; the "Big Guy" has my back because I have truly given Him the wheel. WOW... just WOW! Have an amazing weekend.. and I hope you enjoy this video.

XOXO

~Shells~

Another free digital slideshow by Smilebox

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What if We Were All Thin and Beautiful?... Living in a World of Insecurity

The idea for this blog post was triggered as I scrolled through Facebook last night and came across a post written by Christopher Wright; one of my beauty photographer friends. (No worries, I got his permission to use his post and his name; I am legal like that.) As a makeup artist who works with models on a weekly and sometimes daily basis, I am surrounded by an industry where being beautiful matters most. I often think back to my adolescence when I felt like I did not fit in, when I was a bit muscular from being involved in gymnastics yet surrounded by skinny girls who were really popular... I felt fat at 100 lbs, 100 SOLID lbs. and I have been 5'7 since I was about 13 years old. 100 lbs at 5'7? ummm yeah, that's skinny no matter how you look at it, but I felt fat and stopped eating... yep, I was anorexic for a short time until I passed out one day on the band field and it scared me enough to stop. I was made fun of for many different reasons... my Yankee accent which really stood out in a southern school, my name which rhymed with "smelly" and even though I never smelled bad it somehow became my first name on the playground in 4th grade, my freckles... which I hated for years... my flat chest, and then there were reasons that I never knew and probably some instances where there was simply no reason at all.

So here was his post:
"Honestly. Not only as a model but as human you would think someone would know better. To take a picture of a woman who is out to dinner and then post it and ridicule her for having a high forehead. Being catty is one thing but that just borders on being a douche bag. Hell, as far as I am concerned she crossed the border."

Umm... YEAH, I strongly agree. I don't know who this model was, but shame on her! This kind of thing puts me up on my soapbox and reminds me of a conversation that I was JUST having with my 11 year old daughter Baleigh yesterday when it was mentioned that she told my mom she was old and wrinkly. I was furious and gave her a lecture from the core of my soul. Making fun of someone for having a big forehead? Really? For a model to do this makes it even worse. The modeling world is the most unhealthy, critical society of all, as if the real world isn't bad enough with stuff like "she's too fat, look how big and pregnant she is, look at those acne scars, what a big butt, get yourself on a treadmill, do you shop at Goodwill?, looks like ugly smacked you and ran, look how skinny she is, ribs are not attractive, go eat a cheeseburger, and the list rolls on and on. It honestly makes me crazy and I have told my children that if I EVER hear anything like this come out of their mouth they will not enjoy the consequences, and my daughter got her fill of consequences when I heard that she said this about my mom which by the way, my mom is beautiful inside and out, she rocks 66 like Vanna White!

As if we do not know, the focus is in the wrong place people... and this model proves that. If you are going to take a photo of a random woman who is enjoying a Friday night out at a restaurant and exploit her forehead on Facebook to the world then YOU my dear are as ugly as they come, I don't care WHAT your portfolio looks like! This model will meet karma one day and I hope someone takes a picture of that and posts it on Facebook. Okay, I feel my blood starting to boil so I better take it down a notch and get my lesson out before I say words I shouldn't say.

There is beauty in all things, (although questionable when discussing this model's character) Beauty comes from within even when it's not on the outside. A kiwi is pretty darn hideous until you peel it and taste it, right? Some of the BEST people and the BEST things come in packages that are not that attractive, don't be the unlucky one that is so shallow as to never get to experience these things and get to know these people. 

People commit suicide for things like this, people die from eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia, people die under the knife trying to make their bodies and their faces perfect according to society, it's NOT a laughing matter and if you are one of the people that would post something like this I hope that I get into your head. I recently read a story of a young girl who hung herself because someone posted a humiliating picture of her on Facebook and she was taunted by it. It happens every single day and it's sad. Bullying is real, it is disgraceful and I for one will not stand for it in my home or if I am out with anyone and it happens. Teach your kids to focus on people for who they are not what they wear, what they look like or how much they have. If you are with a group of friends and someone does something like this, do what I do... call them out, be the better person, throw them under the bus, embarrass them for a change because it's the right thing to do. 

That's all... I am hopping down from my soapbox 

Have an awesome weekend

xoxo

~Shells~

An Unexpected Message

I am just a couple of hours away from hitting the road back to SC... a place that I once called the "dreaded place." It was the state where I ended up in 1982 after my sister passed away, when we moved from Massachusetts back to my mom's roots. It was a place that I was not well received, where I was bullied, saddened and hurt by people who did not even take the time to get to know me. I have visited nearly once a year since I left back in 1999 to visit my mom, my brother, my dad, and 4-5 people that I have managed to keep in touch with all of these years whom I consider friends, but still dreaded every trip. Strange... that after living there that many years, bad memories consumed each and every visit back.

This trip will be different... very different. I am almost overwhelmed as my nerves shimmy and shake at the thought of seeing many people from my past; some who were once those bullies, the ones who made me sad and hurt my feelings. However I am headed back this time to celebrate becoming an author, to share my book and sign them for some of the very people that had a lot to do with me writing it; many  are now my biggest fans. It's weird, and scary, but in a bigger way, it's awesome.

I am looking forward to seeing these faces, perhaps shed a tear or two as emotions come flooding back and memories both good and bad overcome me. I feel blessed to be changing lives, minds and feelings of people I barely know. God has directed me the whole way and through my journey he is leading me back to make what once was a bad thing... good. I know that SC will become a very different place in my mind for the future after this trip. I have already begun to feel the love and support from both friends and foes over the past two years as I wrote the book and shared the journey on social media sites. I have received many emails and messages that have warmed my heart... but the most beautiful one yet came this morning from one of the people who bullied me in high school. She read the book and as I read her email message tears rolled down my face. I have decided to share a small excerpt of her email  to me. I could not include the entire thing as it contained some very personal matters of the heart, but she shared that my book came as an unexpected blessing just at the right time.

"I felt very sad in reading other parts of the story. One thing that really struck me was how much we had in common growing up. I grew up in a very conservative home with parents who were extremely religious as well. I remember having to hide my cassette tapes under my waterbed mattress and not being able to wear pants at times in my life, not being allowed to go to movies. That was always a big source of conflict in my life and it made me sad to know that I stood beside someone who shared the same experiences and possibly could have been a good friend had I bothered to get to know her. But sadly, even if I had known that, it probably wouldn't have mattered. I wasn't in a place in my life where I had learned how to cultivate true friendships. That would come years later. in high school, I was too self centered and immature to be a good friend to anyone. 
I never knew about your sister. I don't know if the other girls did and if it would have mattered but in looking back, it is heartbreaking to think about what you endured in school after having experienced the loss of your sister and moving to a new state. A lot of people would have just shriveled up after the relentless bullying you went through. The fact that you were able to use those experiences as motivation is a true testament to your strength and character. I really wish that I would have been there for you and it makes me feel very small and weak to know that I wasn't. I also have a 9 year old daughter and I talk to her a lot about character development. For all of my religious training and Sunday school lessons, no one ever asked me, what kind of person do you want to be? I ask my daughter that questions a lot and I have shared a story that happened to you with her several times as an example of how hurtful people can be and how important it is to be self aware in how you treat others. I want her to really understand the effect and impact her actions can have if she is not careful and thinking about it. 
I am very happy for you Shelley-not that you need validation from me, or anyone else for that matter, but that is what I feel so I'm saying it. You should be very proud of yourself and how hard you've worked to become so successful. You look amazing and happy, and it seems like you've built a very rewarding life. On top of that, you are touching other people's lives and inspiring others and that is not something that a lot of people get to do on such a large scale. Thank you for sending me the book and sharing your story. I think I read it in like 2 days. It was very hard to put down. I hope you continue to have success with it and that becoming an author and sharing your writing is a very rewarding experience for you. You deserve it."

My lesson for you today is that it is never to late to change, we have all made mistakes but forgiveness awaits for those who are truly seeking it. Just as God forgives, we too can forgive the people who have caused us pain, who have made mistakes and judged us wrongly. Feelings or angst and revenge only eat at us and weigh us down, we need to forgive and let it go. Of course we never forget, it forms who we are but forgiveness is the first step in healing. This person's email has touched my life and forever changed how I feel about her moving forward. Although I forgave all of my bullies and haters years ago when I asked God to forgive me, it was beautiful to receive such a message today and in my opinion it came at the perfect time. 

Have a great day, night, or morning wherever you may be.

xoxo

~Shelley~