Monday, June 11, 2012

How to Handle Guilt...Can You Forgive YOU?

Is it REALLY already the 11th? My, how time flies! I knew that the last week had kept me from my daily blogging;  but when I saw how many days it had been since my last post I was like.... WOW! I guess that having two guests that were in town stay with you for several days, launching several home improvement projects determined to finish them in a week, preparing a new blog, loving my family of 5, weaving in a little career-time, and relocating a business all in one month is over-doing it a little? Problem is that I am not sure how to do it any different and sometimes wish I did. Anyone want to give me lessons on "chill-axing"? I will pay big bucks!

So.... I suppose not blogging for a few days is something that I should forgive myself for (and hope my readers do too.) And friends, brings me to tonight's topic:
How to Handle Feelings of Guilt 

Have you ever had that pivoting moment when you are helplessly pushing a department store cart around filling it full of things that you will then circle around the store and return before you get to the register? Yeah, it's my kind of retail therapy... not buying anything for myself. I did that for YEARS, and unfortunately I began to resent myself for it. I NEVER did ANYTHING for myself, and if I did, I would feel guilty. I am a giver, not a taker...from anyone; not even myself. I have children; aka other bodies to think about. As a caring parent; I worry most about them, and very little about me. For the many years I lived this way, I dreamed of a day when I could rid myself of the guilt of thinking that doing something for me once in a while was selfish. As a single parent, I had to work endless hours to support my family... and although to some, I was a woman who never cared for or saw her kids;  the reality was that I was a Mom doing nothing BUT caring for my kids; I just could not be home while I did it. I hated that, always have... but I did what I had to do to survive.

When I began realizing how important taking care of YOUR needs and wants is to internal happiness I began to pay attention. I learned it is how you begin to forgive yourself for living a little. You do not need an excuse to be happy, it is a free pass for the taking. Many of us let it sit out in limbo waiting to be claimed... but we put the WANTS of others in the forefront of our own NEEDS. It is a hard habit to break... I won't lie to you. After three years of practice, I am STILL not perfect. I will be the first to say that anytime I deviate from my plan to think of myself too, I end up being stressed about something and likely want to blame someone else for it.

Don't do this to yourself, we can self-destruct as we stretch ourselves too thin and there is no Go-Go- Gadget-Clone button. (I even searched on Google for it). Handle guilt with a self-indulgent statement like,  "you have worked hard... you have the right to buy yourself a pair of socks that cost $4.00"... (unless of course you or your family need that money for your mortgage or other necessity like food.) You will never be happy if you are beating yourself up every time you turn; you are not Mohamed-Ali, nor does anyone expect you to be. "FORGIVE YOU" and your days will become less stressful and more gratifying. Continue to give to others; I am a BIG believer in that. However remember that YOU are important too.

Have a great night everyone!
~Chins up Backs Strong!~