Sunday, June 24, 2012

When the Honeymoon is Over... Kiss and Make Up!

We all look for it, the picture perfect guy/girl relationship... the kind we read about in fairy tales and see in romantic comedies. We all love that "newness" the warm and fuzzy first few months... for other's it's a year or more, then for some... it's a lifetime. Have you ever wondered what makes the long lasting ones work? How two people who have spent decades together can still look in each others eyes and get butterflies, and when they kiss... it's as if it is the first time; fireworks and cannons booming and a tingly feeling running through their entire body. I have never had many elderly clients... however I remember years ago I had this little old lady who was nearing 80 years old as a regular customer. Month after month I would watch as her cute little husband would slowly escort her into the salon holding her hand, walk her to my chair, kiss her on the cheek, and then wait for her patiently in the car as she got her hair done. I asked her one day how long they had been together and she replied, "63 wonderful years." I remember being baffled at how in love they still were, and at the time, being single... I hoped to find that kind of love one day.

I believe that many of us have experienced that kind of love at one time or another, yet we failed to recognize it because we think it's supposed to be "perfect" all the time. We think that when we disagree and get upset with one another that the relationship is doomed and the honeymoon is over... and we end it prematurely. No two people can agree ALL of the time, in fact it is healthy and necessary to debate once in a while... as long as it is done in a respectful way. Working through problems is what it is all about, it is how we grow and learn what makes the other tick. How we handle the disagreements is what makes or breaks the relationship.

 I have had two serious relationships in my life (which later became marriages) prior to the relationship I am currently in. I am not ashamed...nor proud... but when I am honest with myself, those two relationships in hindsight were long term due to obligation instead of true love; I had children with them early on in the relationships and tried to make the best of a not so great situation. (There is a reason God does not want us to do it this way) Nevertheless, I did and although painful at times... I learned a lot from both experiences. Reflecting on those relationships makes me realize where I went wrong, what I could have done better and what I did right. I left the second marriage hoping for nothing more than to find who I was again... what made ME tick ... it was an emotional year of self discovery and I must say that it did me a lot of good.

A year after my last marriage ended... I crossed social paths with Corey, we had known each other for a few years but had never been in a social setting before. Nearly two years later we are still going strong. We balance each other out well I must say, and although everyday is not bubblegum and rainbows... I feel that with every hiccup we become closer because we handle things the right way and that is by  respecting how the other one feels, talking it through, and finding a solution we are both happy with. Although we found each other a little later in life than my little old lady client did her husband.... I hope that one day when I am pushing 80 I still get butterflies when he touches my hand and the tingly feeling when he kisses me... I truly believe that the honeymoon can last forever.

I remember asking my little old lady client who had been kissed ever so sweetly by her cute little husband what the secret to a long lasting marriage was... to which she replied "We learned to put up with each others nonsense, I always let him think he is right and if I want something I make him think it was his idea to begin with"

And there you go my readers... wise words never to forget!


"Once you find love for yourself you can love another being with the rest of your heart." 
©2012 Shelley Giard