Just Another Day in the Life of "Shells": self worth

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Being your Own Best Friend

Earlier this week, as I occasionally do, I posted an experimental question on my Facebook page to see what I could stir up for an inspiring weekend blog post. This weeks question was "Who is your best friend?" Several people chimed in naming their spouse or significant other, a few said God, Jesus, or the Universe and one person said they did not have one. So... I began to ponder... what IS a best friend to most people? How do you know when you have one, and what do you have to do to be considered one to someone else? Of course every person who would respond to these questions would have a different answer. I decided to share my answers to these questions because there are people who are not sure what it means to have a best friend and I thought defining that may be significant; I believe that every person needs one.

To me, a best friend is the first person you tell everything to... it is the person that you call, text or email the moment something bad, good or indifferent happens knowing that no matter what it is you are telling them that they will not share it without permission, judge you for the content and who will give you honest advice or input regardless if it's what you want to hear or not; it's honesty, forgiveness and heart. It's having a person you can always count on to be there in good and bad times and that person realizes that being there for the bad times is most important of the two. It's a person who would never do anything to hurt you and who knows what would hurt. It's a person who has your back, cheers you on and celebrates you and your accomplishments through small gestures that make you feel special. It may not be someone you talk to everyday, it may not even be someone you talk to every month, but when you talk it's meaningful, real, special, emotional and raw. Becoming a best friend is being that same type of person in return.

As I typed, I asked myself the question... and without hesitation I felt proud to say that my #1 best friend is God, my # 2 is myself, # 3 is my mom, and I have 3 girlfriends that I consider "besties". In that quick moment I realized how truly blessed I was not having to think very long, nor dig very deep... these people were right on the top of my mind and it made me smile. Up to this point of life, I have never had a spouse that I could call a best friend, but perhaps one day I will; I can only hope, for there is truly something to admire in people who have this connection. Until then, I will embrace the ones that I have and never let them go. I will continue to be the best friend to those who have given me this title.

I hope that you have one, if you don't, I hope you find one. We all need that special someone who will never fail us or let us down. As you go into your weekend, consider your own answer to this question... if you are married, ask yourself if your spouse is your best friend... if not, perhaps that is something that you could work on creating. If you don't have a best friend, then maybe you need to work on being one to someone else first.. often that person is yourself.

For many years of my life, I found it hard to make friends... much less find one that I could call my BFF. Although my definition of a best friend was pretty clear at a very young age; I longed for someone that I could tell all of my secrets to without being judged or laughed at, but never found that person. So... for many years I became my own best friend; me and my diary... me and my journals. I poured out my secrets, my emotional roller coaster's, my pain, my anger, my fears. Through this, I learned to love myself, talk nice to myself, to encourage myself through my toughest times, and it became a necessary part of life for many years. Becoming your own best friend may sound silly... but if you don't love yourself for who you are, what you stand for and what you hope to become, you will never be able to love someone else in this way.

I encourage you to look in the mirror this weekend and ask yourself if you are your own best friend... do you love that person unconditionally? Does this person judge you? Does this person talk bad about you or do they fill you with hope and loving words? Gaze at that reflection and learn to love what you see... if you can't, then you have just reached that first step into gaining that best friend. LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF, you have been created to be amazing, but if you are letting yourself down then everyone around you will follow suit.

Wishing you an amazing weekend... be real, be true and become your own best friend.

xoxo

Shells

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Friday, January 3, 2014

Talk to Yourself Much?

Well of COURSE you do, and so do I. We may not want to admit it and some people may find it strange, but we ALL talk to ourselves. In fact, often the WAY we talk to ourselves is what sets our direction for the day, and ultimately our lives. How many times have you woken up saying "Ugh, I don't want to wake up today" or "Today is an awful day" How about, "I hate when.... or I get so annoyed when..." or "I hate the way I look in this" Yep, we set our mood and our thoughts by the way we talk to ourselves. Are you conscious of what you say? What kind of stuff do you share on social media? Are you careful what frame of mind you allow yourself to enter as you start and end your day? How about the image you project of the kind of person you are when talking to others? In other words, what is that mouth of yours spewing?

Have you ever heard that verbal abuse is worse than physical abuse? Well, it's true and this counts when we talk to ourselves just as much if not more. I am the first to say that when someone else is verbally abusive it can mess you up for years, but if you are abusive to yourself, it can wreck you for LIFE. When I am around negative people these days, I find it very hard to keep my lips sealed. When almost every word that escapes their lips is negative... "I hate...", "I can't stand it when..." "If one more person does this or that...", "I can't wait for this day to be over..." "I can't take it", " I hate the way I look", "I am broke" and the list in infinite. I seriously want to whip out a ruler and slap them...no joke, but I am not the violent type (unless you mess with my friends or my family then I may actually go ape.) I have been known however to stop them in mid sentence and say"tell me something you love!" JUST to jolt their mind a bit and hopefully bring them back to reality or at least to a tolerable state. The key here is that if you constantly say all these things to yourself and those around you constantly you get stuck in a frame of mind.

One of the hardest things to do sometimes is to stay positive, trust me, I speak from experience. However if you stay negative.. you will STAY negative and will be swallowed whole by a big bunch of... well CRAP. It will affect your health, your job, and your relationships negatively, it's toxic to everything around you as WELL as you. Although tonight's blog is somewhat short... it has a HUGE message.

STOP ABUSING YOURSELF WITH SELF TALK!

Start praising yourself, pat yourself on the back, look and the mirror and see beyond the reflection that you may not like and into the eyes of the person you are inside, and if you don't like who that is... then YOU are in control of that. The first thing I would suggest is to keep reading my blog... I don't capitalize off of it, no money is made but the wealth within the words that I write are priceless.

Goodnight, have a great weekend and talk NICE to yourself; sometimes YOU are your only cheerleader.