Monday, October 8, 2012

The Giver Always Forgets One Person...

It is both a blessing and a curse to have a giving spirit. It is a blessing because it feels good to give, you are able to see a smile on someone's face for your efforts, you get that instant gratification of knowing you helped someone in some way. It is a blessing because no matter how bad things are for you... the act of giving can take it all away for a moment, and can even put you into forward motion when life is going backwards or even standing still; that is a very powerful thing. I am blessed with this gift of giving... of wanting to help others in a deep and passionate way; it is who I am; but it sometimes opens me up for pain and disappointment in the way others receive it; and this is one of the negative spins on giving. You are easily taken advantage of and you often put your own needs and wants aside for the sake of others and THAT is not always a good thing. In fact... it can defeat your whole purpose if you are not careful. Let me explain myself...

How many times have you given time, money, resources, or simply your ear only to be left feeling slighted, unappreciated, taken advantage of and perhaps even a bit resentful? It happens... easily when you forget to take care of yourself first, and givers often do. I remember feeling this way many times over the past several years as my giving heart kicked into high gear. I had a pivotal moment when one day I read something that hit home and made me see where I was going wrong. You see... you must prioritize your giving; and sometimes that means saying "no" to someone else so you can say "yes" to yourself. We easily wear ourselves out and leave important things on the back-burner when we are in the giving mode only to be left with a mountain of responsibilities and unfinished tasks at home, at work or in school once the giving train has stopped. It is then that we get upset that we took away time from things we should have done and NEEDED to do in order to give or help someone else.

I struggled with this for a long time.. and sometimes still do; but I quickly remind myself that it is okay to say no when I have something else that is a higher priority. Create a totem pole in your mind of what is important and be sure that YOU are somewhere high on that totem pole. It does not make you selfish... it makes you ABLE to give as you should. Not forgetting about yourself makes it more rewarding to help others.

Givers also find it hard to receive help from other people when it is offered; I am as guilty as they come with this one! Nearly EVERY time a person offered a hand, I would always say "that's okay... I can handle it" even when I had no clue how I was going to handle it. I had the feeling that if I accepted help that I somehow was saying I would fail on my own. I internalized my emotions and would take on the daunting task of figuring it out on my own and because of this it often took me longer to work it out or sort through it and sometimes the hole got even deeper than it would have if I had just said "yes" when someone offered to help me. Again... I read something that changed how I looked at this forever and I will share that message with you.

If you have a a hard time accepting help or if you have a hard time asking for anything even when you KNOW you need it... you are likely a giver so listen up.

When you refuse someone's offer to help you, you keep them from the wonderful feeling  you feel when YOU give or help someone. When a person offers; they WANT to help and if you do not let them, it is hurtful and will make them feel that their offer is unimportant. The next time someone offers to help you, say YES; allow that person to feel what you feel when you give. It is always a win-win situation. You will feel relief because having help is a nice change and they will be rewarded with the honor of giving and helping you overcome something.

Have an awesome Monday! See ya again on Wednesday!