Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Self Discovery: Moments of Fear and Doubt

Regardless of how positive I am, despite how readily and often I post uplifting quotes of encouragement on my social media sites, and never mind how many blog posts I write that make you think; I have fears, I have doubts and I have struggles with strength, just like you. The only thing that may make me different is that I rely on what my heart tells me to do which carries me through facing them; and I pray... a lot.

A few years ago, I decided that what other people thought of me mattered only if I let it stop me from going after what it was I wanted in life. I experienced lots of failures, I sometimes cried myself to sleep at night wishing I could snap my fingers and rewind my life knowing what I know now so that I could change it all, which would also change the outcome. I constantly and consistently beat myself up for my mistakes and what my circumstances were because of them. After all, I had heard all of my life that you must "live" with the consequences of your actions. For years, I misinterpreted that statement thinking that it was my negative reality of screwing up. What I realized was that we must LIVE despite the consequences of our actions, despite the circumstances, because what WILL become of you is also a direct result of your actions, meaning it's never too late to change and grow.

It was through self discovery; which required being honest with myself, taking a step back and looking in, writing down what I knew I needed to change, and reading books to help me overcome what I knew my faults to be; that I truly healed the open wounds that I had been pouring salt into for many, many years. I had scars that could only be filled by forgiving myself, forgiving others who had caused pain and by asking forgiveness from the big man upstairs. He not only filled my scars, He filled my heart with a love that I cannot explain, a stronger need to help others that were struggling and to change the hearts of anyone I could just by sharing my stories.

Losing my sister to a drunk driver, being bullied in school, turning to alcohol when I was an unhappy teen, becoming a young un-wed mother, dealing with the harsh reality of several bad choices, two failed marriages and accepting the blessing, but lifelong responsibility of having a child with Down syndrome became my story... it all became part of who I am, why I was who I was, and how I could help others see that there is more to life than allowing ourselves to get swallowed up by realities we don't want to face.

Look, it's not easy to admit your shortcomings, your faults and throw yourself under the bus... but when you do, it is truly liberating, freeing, and for me... it changed my life... my path, my journey. It was all part of a plan, I know that deep within my soul. I am on the road, the path, the mission that I was meant for and am thankful for that beyond anything else in my life.

If you haven't read my book yet, (I assure you that this is not a sales pitch) ... then you do not know what it can do for you, and neither do I quite frankly... however what I do know is that my readers are filling my inbox up with words that bring tears to my eyes on a daily basis saying what it has done for them. All I can say is that if you like my blogs, you will probably love my book. If you struggle with struggling, feel like you don't belong, want to crawl in a hole and never come out at times; you will probably find something in my book that will change that feeling.

Inspiration is something we need every day... just like perfume... it gets washed off with daily activity so you must reapply or it simply fades away for good. Being that you need it every day... be sure to read something daily that inspires you so that you can keep running when you would rather lay down. If you don't know where to go, I can recommend a few places and if I were you, I would go to all of them. (I do). I have to admit that my own daily posts help me, even when I wrote them myself (I know, that's weird... but it's like built-in self talk) Here are a few of my recommendations:

My Fan Pages: 

My friend Shellie who has a son with a terminal disease that doctors don't have hope in helping: 
A great blog from a new friend Chauntal Lewis: 

One of my Many Mentors: 

And lots of smiles here: 

Regardless of where you are, how you are or what you are... if you don't like it, you can change it. You just have to have faith and belief in yourself and lots of determination to keep running! 
If you don't have a cheerleader let me know, I will be that for you!