One of THOSE nights...

My brain is fried, my eyes want to close, but my mind won't stop turning, thinking, dreaming of possibilities, ideas and goals. It is a vicious cycle, an unending roller coaster of excitement, emotions and incredibility. Life is very good lately; I dreamed of the day when I could reap all that I had sewn and those days are showing themselves loud and clear. I am trying to stay organized in my own head when so much good is going on, when so many of my passions are weaving together to make that perfect blanket wrapping me in security for the rest of my life; it's surreal and scary and amazing... it feels good and odd in the same second of time.

I am dealing with an inner struggle, a mental hiccup, something I must work out; and I will.
I am starting to understand what it is like to win, to overcome all that you have faced in your past reaching, inching towards that moment when you can finally exhale. I am scared of that moment, I am not sure I will know what to do if  given the chance to sit back and just enjoy life... always being the worker, the go-getter, the bread-winner. I have always heard that success is scary, and am beginning to think that is because after all your hard work, dedication, blood, sweat and many, many pools of tears, you are fearful that when you get there, it will all go away leaving you to start all over again. I am so glad that I have faith, hope and that I am a realist. I am happy that I am weird, odd, different, square; that is what got me here and made me stick it out.

A few days ago, I introduced my book to someone that did not know I wrote one... when they asked for a copy, I hand delivered it and asked if they would like to hear the "back cover" read by the author herself in a comical manner. When he said yes, I began to read. Within seconds my voice began to shake and I could feel the emotions taking over as I read the excerpt of my own story; suddenly overwhelmed I got choked up. It had been a while since I had read the back cover of my book, and I don't know that I had ever read it aloud to someone. There came a point when I had to stop reading because I was ready to burst into tears. It was an instant flashback of my life and I found it hard to believe I made it through; it was so strange... really, really weird and although I have told my story to several crowds now, I was not where I am now. I am on the edge of that horizon getting ready to experience all the beauty and I truly hope that you will do everything you can to get to that point one day too. Find your purpose, find what you were meant to do and RUN LIKE HELL towards it. When you go after something with undying ambition you WILL get it.

As always

Have an awesome week! 

xoxo

Shells

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JUST FOCUS... on the positive side

... and the negative disappears.

Last week was a doozie for me. I had a VERY busy work week and within it, as usual, I had to intertwine my everyday life of also being a homemaker /mom to my three kiddos at home. Mid week, I realized that I had WAY over committed myself, but I had to make it work; it was my fault, so I figured it out and dealt with the fact that I said "yes" too much. Trying not to let the natural stress of having too much to do take over my thoughts, I kept reminding myself of how blessed I was to be so busy when so many people are out of work, hoping to make ends meet... and with that came the calm feelings I needed to erase the stress that was playing tug of war with my brain. Self talk and thought processes are TRULY the most powerful things on the planet and honestly the most crucial to our well being. It is a process... one you have to fight to maintain and you WILL inevitably lose control at times, but the more you practice the power of positive thinking the less drama and negative emotions you will have in your life.

Among the things I had to do, taking my son Zane to the eye doctor for his yearly check up was one of them. First thing Thursday morning that is where we headed. Last year, we discovered that he was seeing -500, meaning his close up vision was pretty much non existent. The positive side to this was that it explained his difficulty learning his letters, shapes and numbers and also his fidgety nature in a classroom or at home when trying to keep him on task. He was already being labeled as a "behavior issue" in pre-school because he could not stay still and focus. He has been wearing his corrective lenses for nearly a year now, and things had been better, however recently he started having issues in his class again as well as with homework and he had been telling me that he was blind in his left eye. Now... for those of you who do not know, my 12 year old daughter Baleigh was born blind in her left eye due to Optic Nerve Hypoplasia; so when he said this part of me thought maybe he was just trying to be like her, but another part of me worried that there was more to it.

I sat in the exam room as my son's doctor performed a comprehensive eye exam and watched as my son struggled to see, I listened to my son respond as the doctor covered up his right eye, which is the only eye he had been saying that he was seeing out of and the truth was revealed; he was not seeing out of his left eye. As a lump filled my throat and as a tear formed in my eye, I found comfort and strength in my son's courage and calmness when he simply said... "yeah, I can't see anything now." I quickly filled my heart with faith that whatever this was, we could fix it. Luckily, as the exam went on and his pupil was dilated, the doctor discovered that his left eye was intermittently "coming on" which meant that his brain was shutting it off when his eyes were having a hard time working together.  Luckily with vision exercises and 2 hours of patching the good eye each day, over time we can correct it. I was relieved in knowing that it's not permanent if we are aggressive... yes, another thing on my full plate of life.

My point in sharing this story with you is this... we all face things that can tear us down, rip us up, cause us to be resentful, angry depressed... all which will keeping us from being all that we can and could be. The naked truth is that many people travel through life with poop-colored glasses on. It's typical; something bad happens to you, and for days, weeks and sometimes months or years, you swim around in that pool of mud finding it hard to get out and rinse off because staying in it seems easier, even oddly more comfortable, you want to sulk, to feel sorry for yourself, to be mad, angry, upset.. but in the end who does that truly hurt? (yep... I don't even have to say it.)

I got through my crazy, busy, emotional, and exhausting week with a positive attitude with only one night that I wanted to run from my own grumpiness, because defeat was not an option. That is how YOU must do it too. When we give ourselves no other option than to JUST DO IT, JUST ACHIEVE IT, JUST CONQUER IT... then success and accomplishment will be our inevitable.

As always

Have an awesome week! 

xoxo

Shells

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CONQUERING Insecurity, Low Self Esteem and Self Destruction

On Monday of last week I wrote a blog about insecurity, low self esteem, and self destruction. I was talking about how many people compare themselves to others on a regular basis and that when you do this, how it creates both negative and destructive thoughts. When you compare yourself to others you are no longer focused on you... how to overcome your obstacles, how to push forward in your life and how to improve your own situation because all of your energy is focused on what someone else is doing.  Although I did not do this for much of my life, there was a period of time when I was not where I wanted to be, so I began comparing myself to others around me that WERE where I wanted to be. I was so focused on what they had that I did not have; the resources, the relationships, the money... that my own life stood still and at one point started moving backward. Comparing myself to others only led me to excuses of why I could not accomplish what I wanted to. It was then, that I realized that it was that very behavior that was holding me back more than anything else.

My promise in last Monday's blog was to address the 5 scenarios that I threw out and give you some advice on how to deal with them in a mentally healthy way, so as promised here are the scenarios and my suggestions on how to deal with them UNLIKE most people.

 1.
You have worked really hard for a promotion at work, you feel really good when you find that a position is opening up knowing you have it "in the bag" only to find out they gave the job to someone who was less qualified, had been there less time, younger, better looking and more charismatic. How would you feel?

MOST PEOPLE get angry, upset, resentful and hurt. They feel that it was unfair and allow these toxic feelings affect the performance at work, their mood at home and some even fall into a self destructive pattern of thinking that if  they were not good enough for the job that they are not good enough for anything. Self doubt and a hurt ego can really take a toll if you are not careful.

THE HEALTHIER CHOICE would be to chalk it up as an opportunity to grow, maybe you could improve a skill, get a new look to give yourself a boost, and just know that this was not meant to be for whatever reason. Carrying around grudges against your boss or the person who landed the job will only hurt you, not them.

2.
There is a boy or girl you like at school/work you are nervous about letting them know, however you gain the nerves and when you finally ask them out or confess your feelings, they laugh, snicker and walk away. The next day people are teasing you in the hallway about it and laughing because he told them. How do you feel?

MOST PEOPLE would want to crawl in a hole. They would be embarrassed and hurt and I can see why. This affects your ego, confidence in yourself and could very easily keep you from ever taking that chance again.

THE HEALTHIER CHOICE would be to carry on. Look yourself in the mirror and say..." It's his/her loss. I am a great person and they don't deserve me." If they are superficial, TRUST me, they would never appreciate a person like you anyway. If they ran and told all their friends? Immature alert; not partner material at all, so consider it a saving grace. Hold your head up high and try, try again, you WILL find someone to appreciate all that you are.

3.
Your husband or wife means the world to you, the love and support you get from them is something you hold very dear, but when you approach them with a new idea or tell them of something that you have hope to accomplish, they seem less than excited or maybe even upset that you would even think of such a thing and totally discourage you. How does that make you feel?

MOST PEOPLE would be mad, crushed and would likely give up on their goal. Your bubble just got busted by the one you love most and without that support you could never do it anyway. I have been there... and MAN, it hurts. What i realized though is that it's not always malicious. Sometimes they just can't see the vision in your head and it is up to you to make it happen so they can. If  it is malicious then take that red flag and run.

THE HEALTHIER CHOICE would be to know that YOU CAN DO IT without any support and you may even inspire that person in the end with your drive and ambition. Don;t let your vision and ambitions be squashed by ANYONE! I allow my nay-sayer's to light the fire under my butt... tell me I can't, say that you won't support me? Watch me do it anyway!

4.
You have been working really hard in the gym to get yourself in shape, you are really proud of what you have accomplished until you see your friend who has been doing the same thing. Their abs are tighter, their butt is rounder, their waist is smaller and their legs and arms have more definition than you ever think will possible for you. How do you feel?

MOST PEOPLE would feel inadequate, like their effort is not paying off. I have known some to even stop doing what they are doing to improve their health and go back to their old habits thinking they can never look like they want to anyway.

THE HEALTHIER CHOICE is to face that EVERYTHING you do to improve is WELL worth the effort, I could care less what someone else is doing. You are doing this for YOU not for them and the moment you realize that what YOU do matters more than what they do your life will do a 180.

5.
Your friend has found the "perfect" guy or girl, they have the "perfect job"  the "perfect" house and they drive the "perfect" car; you can't get a date, have a so-so job, no house yet and an okay car. How do you feel?

MOST PEOPLE feel less than adequate. They feel that no matter what they do they will never "have it all". Sometimes this leads to bad habits, settling for less than you deserve or feeling insecure about your entire life. If you allow this to set in, you are right... you will never have it all.

THE HEALTHIER CHOICE would be to learn to cherish what you DO have and stop worrying about what you don't have. Many people's lives seem "perfect" on the outside but inside are a complete shambles. Just because they seem to have it all does not make what you have any less. Be proud of where you are, and if you are not where you want to be, focus your energy on how to get there.


The key to getting what you want in life is to be the square peg... the trendsetter, the one who speaks up for what you believe in, the one who does the exact opposite of what everyone else is doing and who hold their confident head high while doing so. If you walk through like in comparison... you will never become the one that people are comparing themselves to. Which would YOU rather be?

As always

Have an awesome week! 

xoxo

Shells

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Insecurity, Low Self Esteem and Self Destruction

No, this is NOT a  warm and fuzzy topic, it's more of a self help topic actually. I felt it in my heart to write about these things for two reasons; one is I've been there, done that... and could honestly write an entire book on them (which I likely will) and two... I am sure that many of you deal with one or all of the above mentioned on a frequent, if not daily basis no matter if you are male or female. I thought perhaps you could use some encouragement to strengthen your will against these beastly things. Today's world makes it very hard for us NOT to be insecure. Not only are we surrounded by constant photos, shows and flashy things that can easily make us feel less than adequate, but security in your self esteem or self worth no matter how strong can be broken in an instant with one good blow from someone you care about, love, or perhaps even a comment from a complete stranger. What we are surrounded by on a daily basis can easily send us down an immediate path of self destruction... I know this because I have lived it.

I am going to throw out a few scenario's; some that I have heard about in my many years of being a   hairstylist/makeup artist/mentor, and yes... once even a bartender; I have certainly heard my share of stories. A few of these scenarios have actually happened to me and because of that, I see things through different glass than some. As you read them, think about how YOU would feel if you were on the receiving end of things... make note of  how you would feel and you may just learn something about yourself that you did not know.

1.
You have worked really hard for a promotion at work, you feel really good when you find that a position  is opening up knowing you have it "in the bag" only to find out they gave the job to someone who was less qualified, had been there less time, younger, better looking and more charismatic. How would you feel?

2.
There is a boy or girl you like at school/work you are nervous about letting them know, however you gain the nerves and when you finally ask them out or confess your feelings, they laugh, snicker and walk away. The next day people are teasing you in the hallway about it and laughing because he told them. How do you feel?

3.
Your husband or wife means the world to you, the love and support you get from them is something you hold very dear, but when you approach them with a new idea or tell them of something that you have hope to accomplish, they seem less than excited or maybe even upset that you would even think of such a thing and totally discourage you. How does that make you feel?

4.
You have been working really hard in the gym to get yourself in shape, you are really proud of what you have accomplished until you see your friend who has been doing the same thing. Their abs are tighter, their butt is rounder, their waist is smaller and their legs and arms have more definition than you ever think will possible for you. How do you feel?

5.
Your friend has found the "perfect" guy or girl, they have the "perfect job"  the "perfect" house and they drive the "perfect" car; you can't get a date, have a so-so job, no house yet and an okay car. How do you feel?



These are very realistic and common scenarios that happen to people every day. In fact, if you have never had any of these things happen to you leaving you feeling sad, hurt,confused, mad, or worthless then welcome to an exclusive club, you may even be the only member. Point being, that we have all had a similar if not spot on scenario happen at some moment in our life when the strength in our self esteem was challenged. The hardest thing to do is stay strong and not care what someone else thinks, but THAT is the only way to overcome and avoid destructive self talk, self worthlessness, and depression.

The moment you compare yourself to someone else, you have lost the race. There will ALWAYS be someone more talented, more attractive, more resourceful, more comical, wealthier etc etc. If you worry about them how can you EVER focus on you? That is 90% of the problem? What kind of mental house are you building? Are you feeding Jealousy? Resentment? Anger? Animosity? Or will you make the decision to build YOU, to build onto what you have already achieved and all that you hope to accomplish? Think about that for the rest of the week and put yourself in the receiving shoes. Are you dishing out what you want back? Only YOU can answer that honestly with heart and once you do; something amazing happens...  a change in character may be exactly what your life is missing. Come back this weekend for my suggestions on how to deal with the above scenarios in a positive, productive and healthy way.

Goodnight  everyone... as always

Have an awesome week! 

xoxo

Shells

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Just Being There....

Yesterday was a really great day, I started it off by making breakfast for my family, even though I could not eat what I made for them due to to my annoying gluten and dairy allergies. I sure do love the smell of maple syrup and bacon, I mean, who doesn't adore that yummy aroma? What I loved most were the smiles that lit up their faces and the "mmmmmm" sounds that my daughter Abrielle kept making with every single bite; pancakes are her favorite and as she licked the syrup from her fingers I knew I had done something good. Shortly after breakfast I loaded up the kiddos and we headed off to church for another positive encounter. 

The message was absolutely wonderful yesterday; it always seems to hit the spot and truly keeps my mind in the right place each and every week. It's better than therapy and TRUST ME! I am sure that I could use some at times. 

On the drive home, I asked my son what he had learned in class and he said "I learned that God loves everyone, even when you are bad or if you mess up." I smiled, because THAT is the message we should be learning, the one that we should be sharing, it is the message that I wished I had learned as a child instead of "If you do wrong you will go to hell." That is harsh and unforgiving even for an adult to swallow.

If I had learned back then what I have learned today, I would not have been lost for so many years thinking I was not good enough to be forgiven and probably would have forgiven others more easily myself instead of carrying grudges and ill feeling around. I would have also understood that just because you are faithful does not mean you will be exempt to pain and suffering and with that, many things that happened throughout my life would have made more sense to me. 

It is truly comforting knowing that my children will grow up realizing that we are loved for our imperfections... that it is okay, normal and acceptable to screw up as long as we ask for forgiveness; it confirmed that I am doing something else good for my kids.

We spent the afternoon and early evening at a friend's for a kid-friendly Super Bowl party celebrating football, although I was having fun playing with the kids, not really caring at all about the game. I must admit that it is not always easy to get me into the "playful mommy" mode. I really have to switch that button on, but for some reason yesterday it was really easy and I am still trying to figure out what made it different. When we got home, I gave them baths, tucked them in and read them a bedtime story as I usually do. As an added bonus, I decided to sing one of their favorite bedtime songs; John Denver's "Sunshine on my Shoulders" which is a song my daddy used to sing to me when I was a little girl. As I sang, I sat and held Abrielle rocking her back and forth and she giggled and hugged me the entire time then applauded me in the end with a smile from ear to ear. It was a truly awesome moment. Upon completing the song, my son told me that I should "go to a big place and sing for real because I was that good." It was the perfect end to a perfect day and it had NOTHING to do with football. 

We get so wrapped up in all the craziness of life sometimes, that we have a hard time just being there... but after the day I had yesterday, I am going to make a conscious effort to pull away more often and just be there, because it made me as happy as it made them. I hope you will do the same.

Have an awesome week! 

xoxo

Shells

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