Monday, February 17, 2014

CONQUERING Insecurity, Low Self Esteem and Self Destruction

On Monday of last week I wrote a blog about insecurity, low self esteem, and self destruction. I was talking about how many people compare themselves to others on a regular basis and that when you do this, how it creates both negative and destructive thoughts. When you compare yourself to others you are no longer focused on you... how to overcome your obstacles, how to push forward in your life and how to improve your own situation because all of your energy is focused on what someone else is doing.  Although I did not do this for much of my life, there was a period of time when I was not where I wanted to be, so I began comparing myself to others around me that WERE where I wanted to be. I was so focused on what they had that I did not have; the resources, the relationships, the money... that my own life stood still and at one point started moving backward. Comparing myself to others only led me to excuses of why I could not accomplish what I wanted to. It was then, that I realized that it was that very behavior that was holding me back more than anything else.

My promise in last Monday's blog was to address the 5 scenarios that I threw out and give you some advice on how to deal with them in a mentally healthy way, so as promised here are the scenarios and my suggestions on how to deal with them UNLIKE most people.

 1.
You have worked really hard for a promotion at work, you feel really good when you find that a position is opening up knowing you have it "in the bag" only to find out they gave the job to someone who was less qualified, had been there less time, younger, better looking and more charismatic. How would you feel?

MOST PEOPLE get angry, upset, resentful and hurt. They feel that it was unfair and allow these toxic feelings affect the performance at work, their mood at home and some even fall into a self destructive pattern of thinking that if  they were not good enough for the job that they are not good enough for anything. Self doubt and a hurt ego can really take a toll if you are not careful.

THE HEALTHIER CHOICE would be to chalk it up as an opportunity to grow, maybe you could improve a skill, get a new look to give yourself a boost, and just know that this was not meant to be for whatever reason. Carrying around grudges against your boss or the person who landed the job will only hurt you, not them.

2.
There is a boy or girl you like at school/work you are nervous about letting them know, however you gain the nerves and when you finally ask them out or confess your feelings, they laugh, snicker and walk away. The next day people are teasing you in the hallway about it and laughing because he told them. How do you feel?

MOST PEOPLE would want to crawl in a hole. They would be embarrassed and hurt and I can see why. This affects your ego, confidence in yourself and could very easily keep you from ever taking that chance again.

THE HEALTHIER CHOICE would be to carry on. Look yourself in the mirror and say..." It's his/her loss. I am a great person and they don't deserve me." If they are superficial, TRUST me, they would never appreciate a person like you anyway. If they ran and told all their friends? Immature alert; not partner material at all, so consider it a saving grace. Hold your head up high and try, try again, you WILL find someone to appreciate all that you are.

3.
Your husband or wife means the world to you, the love and support you get from them is something you hold very dear, but when you approach them with a new idea or tell them of something that you have hope to accomplish, they seem less than excited or maybe even upset that you would even think of such a thing and totally discourage you. How does that make you feel?

MOST PEOPLE would be mad, crushed and would likely give up on their goal. Your bubble just got busted by the one you love most and without that support you could never do it anyway. I have been there... and MAN, it hurts. What i realized though is that it's not always malicious. Sometimes they just can't see the vision in your head and it is up to you to make it happen so they can. If  it is malicious then take that red flag and run.

THE HEALTHIER CHOICE would be to know that YOU CAN DO IT without any support and you may even inspire that person in the end with your drive and ambition. Don;t let your vision and ambitions be squashed by ANYONE! I allow my nay-sayer's to light the fire under my butt... tell me I can't, say that you won't support me? Watch me do it anyway!

4.
You have been working really hard in the gym to get yourself in shape, you are really proud of what you have accomplished until you see your friend who has been doing the same thing. Their abs are tighter, their butt is rounder, their waist is smaller and their legs and arms have more definition than you ever think will possible for you. How do you feel?

MOST PEOPLE would feel inadequate, like their effort is not paying off. I have known some to even stop doing what they are doing to improve their health and go back to their old habits thinking they can never look like they want to anyway.

THE HEALTHIER CHOICE is to face that EVERYTHING you do to improve is WELL worth the effort, I could care less what someone else is doing. You are doing this for YOU not for them and the moment you realize that what YOU do matters more than what they do your life will do a 180.

5.
Your friend has found the "perfect" guy or girl, they have the "perfect job"  the "perfect" house and they drive the "perfect" car; you can't get a date, have a so-so job, no house yet and an okay car. How do you feel?

MOST PEOPLE feel less than adequate. They feel that no matter what they do they will never "have it all". Sometimes this leads to bad habits, settling for less than you deserve or feeling insecure about your entire life. If you allow this to set in, you are right... you will never have it all.

THE HEALTHIER CHOICE would be to learn to cherish what you DO have and stop worrying about what you don't have. Many people's lives seem "perfect" on the outside but inside are a complete shambles. Just because they seem to have it all does not make what you have any less. Be proud of where you are, and if you are not where you want to be, focus your energy on how to get there.


The key to getting what you want in life is to be the square peg... the trendsetter, the one who speaks up for what you believe in, the one who does the exact opposite of what everyone else is doing and who hold their confident head high while doing so. If you walk through like in comparison... you will never become the one that people are comparing themselves to. Which would YOU rather be?

As always
Have an awesome week! 
xoxo

Shells


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