Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Insecurity, Low Self Esteem and Self Destruction

No, this is NOT a  warm and fuzzy topic, it's more of a self help topic actually. I felt it in my heart to write about these things for two reasons; one is I've been there, done that... and could honestly write an entire book on them (which I likely will) and two... I am sure that many of you deal with one or all of the above mentioned on a frequent, if not daily basis no matter if you are male or female. I thought perhaps you could use some encouragement to strengthen your will against these beastly things. Today's world makes it very hard for us NOT to be insecure. Not only are we surrounded by constant photos, shows and flashy things that can easily make us feel less than adequate, but security in your self esteem or self worth no matter how strong can be broken in an instant with one good blow from someone you care about, love, or perhaps even a comment from a complete stranger. What we are surrounded by on a daily basis can easily send us down an immediate path of self destruction... I know this because I have lived it.

I am going to throw out a few scenario's; some that I have heard about in my many years of being a   hairstylist/makeup artist/mentor, and yes... once even a bartender; I have certainly heard my share of stories. A few of these scenarios have actually happened to me and because of that, I see things through different glass than some. As you read them, think about how YOU would feel if you were on the receiving end of things... make note of  how you would feel and you may just learn something about yourself that you did not know.

1.
You have worked really hard for a promotion at work, you feel really good when you find that a position  is opening up knowing you have it "in the bag" only to find out they gave the job to someone who was less qualified, had been there less time, younger, better looking and more charismatic. How would you feel?

2.
There is a boy or girl you like at school/work you are nervous about letting them know, however you gain the nerves and when you finally ask them out or confess your feelings, they laugh, snicker and walk away. The next day people are teasing you in the hallway about it and laughing because he told them. How do you feel?

3.
Your husband or wife means the world to you, the love and support you get from them is something you hold very dear, but when you approach them with a new idea or tell them of something that you have hope to accomplish, they seem less than excited or maybe even upset that you would even think of such a thing and totally discourage you. How does that make you feel?

4.
You have been working really hard in the gym to get yourself in shape, you are really proud of what you have accomplished until you see your friend who has been doing the same thing. Their abs are tighter, their butt is rounder, their waist is smaller and their legs and arms have more definition than you ever think will possible for you. How do you feel?

5.
Your friend has found the "perfect" guy or girl, they have the "perfect job"  the "perfect" house and they drive the "perfect" car; you can't get a date, have a so-so job, no house yet and an okay car. How do you feel?



These are very realistic and common scenarios that happen to people every day. In fact, if you have never had any of these things happen to you leaving you feeling sad, hurt,confused, mad, or worthless then welcome to an exclusive club, you may even be the only member. Point being, that we have all had a similar if not spot on scenario happen at some moment in our life when the strength in our self esteem was challenged. The hardest thing to do is stay strong and not care what someone else thinks, but THAT is the only way to overcome and avoid destructive self talk, self worthlessness, and depression.

The moment you compare yourself to someone else, you have lost the race. There will ALWAYS be someone more talented, more attractive, more resourceful, more comical, wealthier etc etc. If you worry about them how can you EVER focus on you? That is 90% of the problem? What kind of mental house are you building? Are you feeding Jealousy? Resentment? Anger? Animosity? Or will you make the decision to build YOU, to build onto what you have already achieved and all that you hope to accomplish? Think about that for the rest of the week and put yourself in the receiving shoes. Are you dishing out what you want back? Only YOU can answer that honestly with heart and once you do; something amazing happens...  a change in character may be exactly what your life is missing. Come back this weekend for my suggestions on how to deal with the above scenarios in a positive, productive and healthy way.


Goodnight  everyone... as always
Have an awesome week! 
xoxo

Shells

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