Friday, February 28, 2014

One of THOSE nights...

My brain is fried, my eyes want to close, but my mind won't stop turning, thinking, dreaming of possibilities, ideas and goals. It is a vicious cycle, an unending roller coaster of excitement, emotions and incredibility. Life is very good lately; I dreamed of the day when I could reap all that I had sewn and those days are showing themselves loud and clear. I am trying to stay organized in my own head when so much good is going on, when so many of my passions are weaving together to make that perfect blanket wrapping me in security for the rest of my life; it's surreal and scary and amazing... it feels good and odd in the same second of time.

I am dealing with an inner struggle, a mental hiccup, something I must work out; and I will.
I am starting to understand what it is like to win, to overcome all that you have faced in your past reaching, inching towards that moment when you can finally exhale. I am scared of that moment, I am not sure I will know what to do if  given the chance to sit back and just enjoy life... always being the worker, the go-getter, the bread-winner. I have always heard that success is scary, and am beginning to think that is because after all your hard work, dedication, blood, sweat and many, many pools of tears, you are fearful that when you get there, it will all go away leaving you to start all over again. I am so glad that I have faith, hope and that I am a realist. I am happy that I am weird, odd, different, square; that is what got me here and made me stick it out.

A few days ago, I introduced my book to someone that did not know I wrote one... when they asked for a copy, I hand delivered it and asked if they would like to hear the "back cover" read by the author herself in a comical manner. When he said yes, I began to read. Within seconds my voice began to shake and I could feel the emotions taking over as I read the excerpt of my own story; suddenly overwhelmed I got choked up. It had been a while since I had read the back cover of my book, and I don't know that I had ever read it aloud to someone. There came a point when I had to stop reading because I was ready to burst into tears. It was an instant flashback of my life and I found it hard to believe I made it through; it was so strange... really, really weird and although I have told my story to several crowds now, I was not where I am now. I am on the edge of that horizon getting ready to experience all the beauty and I truly hope that you will do everything you can to get to that point one day too. Find your purpose, find what you were meant to do and RUN LIKE HELL towards it. When you go after something with undying ambition you WILL get it.

As always
Have an awesome week! 
xoxo

Shells


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