Wednesday, January 9, 2013

AHA Moment! DUH!

Have you ever had one of those moments when you are talking to someone about something in a casual conversation and suddenly have a moment of self discovery? (also called an epiphany or Aha! moment) I must
admit this happens to me often, so if that has never happened to you, just humor me and pretend it has so that I don't feel like I am more unusual than I know I already am. This happened to me yesterday as I was talking with one of my clients about something that happened to me recently. It had to do with me saying something to somebody that had the opposite effect than what I had intended. When you are dealing with sensitive subjects, you don't always know how to say what you want to say and not sure how what you say will truly effect the person you are speaking to. As much as you THINK you know someone, there may be something that you don't know and that very "thing" could easily have bearing on how they take what you are about to say.

I admit it, I am pretty blunt, brutally honest at best (if you read my blog, you already know this about me) and although I possess more couth than I used to, sometimes I still screw up royally and insert my entire leg into mouth. It's a blessing and a curse all in the same breath; blessing because you can be certain I will always give you the truth of the matter at hand, (the only thing I candy coat is cookies at Christmas)  but a curse because I hurt people's feelings from time to time. (And I HATE doing that!) 

So... as I am telling this story to my client I realized something VERY interesting. I am motivated by someone telling me "I am not" a certain way or that "I can't" do something. In other words, if someone tells me I can't relax (they are right) I will go so far as to searching Google on "how to relax more" simply because I know I suck at it and that it is imperative for good health. I don't get defensive and start explaining how I can... because I know I have a hard time doing it. On the other hand, if someone feels I need to do something or be a certain way and they were to approach it by saying... "in order to relax, you should do this... or not do that... I would probably get defensive inside feeling like they have insulted my intelligence... it would COMPLETELY demotivate me as I roll my eyes and walk away. I went even further to realize that the typical entrepreneurial minded person (I came out of the womb creating a business plan) don't like to be "told" what to do, but love to be told they CAN'T do something. (insert fire under a**)

The epiphany I had was that as I was telling my client this story of how I hurt someones feelings unintentionally by telling them they were not a certain way thinking that would make them want to learn how to gain that quality, I demotivated them altogether because what motivates me does NOT motivate them. AHA! Hello McFly, pay more attention and perhaps ASK someone how they are motivated if you are trying to motivate them. DUH!

Learning how to ask people what motivates them or how they become motivated into doing something could seriously change how you approach things in both personal and business relationships. I suppose some need that step by step paint by number approach and then there's those of us ( like me, the rebel) who just need a swift kick in the a** or someone to tell us we "can't".

So...

That is my wisdom via Aha moment today. I hope it helps you in your everyday life. I certainly know that this moment of self discovery will change how I approach MANY things! Perhaps finding out what motivates my kids more will help me to get my children to clean their rooms without having a mental breakdown!! WOW this is pretty exciting!

Peace, love and lots of xoxo's
~Shells~

This is SOOOO me!