Thursday, January 31, 2013

Car Wash Nemesis... A GOOD LAUGH!

Have you ever had a moment that you said... wow, if there had been a video camera taping this... I would DIE! you know, the kind of moment that you truly felt fifty shades of blonde? A Paris Hilton, Gomer Pile, Dumb Jock moment? Yeah... well let me tell you about my car wash experience yesterday...

Let me start by painting the picture: It's a warm but blustery day in Florida, the wind was whirling dirt into clouds and palm trees were leaning towers of Pisa... (first hint it was a bad idea to attempt to wash the car) I drove my dirty little PT Cruiser towards the car wash with all three kids in tow. (second hint)
Now... I have spoiled myself a bit by always taking my car to get detailed by this awesome little car wash/detail shop where these amazing Spanish guys make your car look "pimp" even when it's not. ( I did mention I drive a PT Cruiser right? Yeah, not so pimp.) However, my car was dirty, and desperately needed a bath and I did not want to drive across town to my favorite little place and wait with 3 kids. I also did not want to waste my money in one of those gas station "no touch"/does not do a darn thing car washes as I have in the past only to find that the dirty nature of my car was accentuated by the fact that the stupid "no touch" did not touch random spots of my car. ( I am sure I am not the only one this happens to.)



SO.... I decided head to the "do it yourself" car wash up the road that has the cement bays with sprayer wands and foam brushes to "pretty " up your ride. Although I had never done this before, I figured, how hard can it be? Not to mention I thought that with the cement walls, I would be protected from the wind on this ever so blustery day. I see that is says deposit $2.00 to start. Cool, that's all the cash that I had, perfect! I turn off the car and ask the kids to wait patiently as this won't take long, having strong confidence that it wouldn't. The sprayer starts up and the first step was "wheel pre-soak"  so I started soaking the tires. This step sure is taking a long time, I thought, before realizing that I had to press a button to make it go to the next step... oops! (spoiled by automatic washes perhaps?) Wait? A timer is ticking? 2:47...2:45 Holy crap! I only have a little more than 2 minutes to finish this? *^&;#! Quick! Next step! I push the button to start the scrub brush, oh wait! I have the water wand in my hand and the scrub brush is on the complete other side of the bay, so I drop the wand and it sprays me in the face as the wind is starting to create a vortex in this cement tunnel, shooting water back in my face. At this point the kids are laughing and the windows are starting to fog up.

Scrub brush! GOT IT! I start scrubbing the car bottom to top and manage to make my way around the entire car. YAY! As I scurry across the bay to hit the button that says "high power rinse" I realize I have the stupid scrub brush not the water wand in my hand! ARGH! Time is ticking, I drop the scrub brush (which by the way makes a cement floor VERY slippery) and go for the water wand and BZZZ BZZZ - BZZZ the flippin' timer lets me know that the game is over! I have no more cash, no quarters and there is no option for a debit card, my car is covered with sudsy-dirt soap, what now? Ahhh, there is a bank in the next parking lot. Okay kids, I say, roll the windows down for air I will be RIGHT back!

I walk over to the ATM get out $20 cash and head back to my soapy car, I quickly realize that I have a $20 bill... not one dollar bills or quarters and of course the machine does not give you change. BUT! I saw a change machine near the vending machine. I go to get change and the machine quickly returns $20 in quarters to me. LOL, whatever! I tucked them into my dripping wet shirt and walk back to my car laughing hysterically at myself and this entire fiasco. I get back to the car which now has dried dirt soap on it and looks worse than when I started.

This DARN thing is NOT going to beat me up like this,  I say to myself,  I KNOW this game now! As my competitive blood starts to boil, I quickly deposit $2.00 and make a mad dash... screw the wheel soak, and the pre-soak, I go straight for the water wand and power spray my car. I drop the water wand make a mad dash for the scrub brush almost busting my fanny in the slippery soap. I scrub the car down in record time, drop the brush, grab the wand, hit power rinse with a minute and half to go. I quickly give the car a once over, scrub a few spots that I missed now toting both the water wand AND the brush in my hand like as if carrying two machine guns ready to blow someones brains out. I hit final rinse and give this Cruiser a final shower just before the buzzer sounds!

GOOD LORD! THANK GOD! It's OVER! 

As I untangled the cords that I had so easily tangled up as I washed my dirty car, I happened to look up and see surveillance cameras and a sign that says 24 hour surveillance. LOVELY! I gave the camera a sarcastic smile, climbed in my clean car and drove away literally exhausted.

In conclusion, I will NEVER... EVER under ANY circumstances attempt this ridiculous type of car washing again as long as I live. Having to run from side to side to switch instruments, then run back to push a button every time I need to change cycles all while a timer is ticking away is flat out RIDONKULOUS!! Regardless of what color hair I have now, I am a natural brunette and smart enough to realize a scam when I see it. ( I make it blonde to give me an excuse for all the other stuff.)

If you can't laugh at yourself, no worries... as I am sure someone else will! All I have to say is that if this ends up on YouTube, I WILL demand royalties!

             YEP... THIS WAS ME!