I was flown out to California last Monday to complete a ghost-writing project that I have been diligently working on since March. There were 6 more chapters to write and I am ELATED to announce that I just completed the book about 30 minutes ago. I also write a guest blog the first Monday of each month for Hopes Not A Crime; a ministry that I am an inspirational speaker AKA "Hope Ambassador" for. However, due to my busy week of LITERALLY staring at a computer screen in cozy yoga pants, no makeup and classical music playing in my headphones, I had not gotten the chance to write it. I decided that I would get it done as SOON as I finished the book; the goal I was attacking today with an intensity I cannot even explain. It is a book about finding faith in God's will and keeping hope through the adversity you encounter in life, and well.... I must say that it's an amazing read.
I kind of feel like that writer that recluses for weeks then comes out with her manuscript in hand, hair disheveled screaming “It’s done!” (Actually that's kind of how it really happened except it was only 6 days)
Here I sit, ready to write my guest blog and it just struck midnight... making it August 5th... 2013. I looked up to God and smiled... as a tear came to my eye. I have felt his presence in this room all week, and now I wonder if it was Him I was feeling or perhaps someone else I know. ( Hi Teresa!) What a significant day August 5th is in my life... August 5th, 2011 is also when I finished my first book... a memoir which was dedicated to my sister who died on August 5th, 1981. The day that my life changed forever, the event that shattered my belief in God which led me down a long and lonely path of Atheism where I was lost for years. How miraculously things have changed since then, how beautiful I feel my story truly is but I have now helped someone else share theirs in another book... through a gift that I was given by HIM and I completed it just 30 minutes before the clock struck twelve the eve of August 5th...
I honestly sit here in awe, in tears, in a full blown emotional moment as God is speaking to me once again, showing me that He is really here. I don't mind if you are not with me on this... I am just sharing, you don't have to believe in it's authenticity... but it is VERY real for me. I then continued to sit here and think of what my plans are for today... I am having lunch with one of my fans/ turned friend who just happens to live just minutes from where I am staying which is literally across the country from my home in Florida. He is a man who lost his child and was able to get my book which talks about grief , loss and how there is purpose for it which I believe can only be revealed if we open our minds and our hearts to the Big Guy. If you read my blog, you KNOW that I am faithful and you KNOW that you should NEVER feel uncomfortable here... regardless of your beliefs; I don't judge because I know where I came from. I just want everyone to have what I have gained in life so I sometimes share through my writing how I got here.
Peace... that's what I have now. The weights of the world have been lifted off of me as I have learned to trust God more and more. I made a promise to Him the day he revealed what He could do... the day that I was on my knees crying yelling at this "imaginary man" I did not even believe in to SHOW ME he was real because I had nothing left. I was lost, broken and feeling unworthy of anything good. I wanted to have a happier life, and thought that what I was doing was going to get it, man-o-man was I wrong! It was the ONLY time that I gave up in my entire life... I gave up control and screamed for someone else to take over and well... HE did! I made a promise to never lose faith again and I must say that I have only failed to trust completely once since then. I was picked up from my fall VERY quickly when that happened and immediately started that first book. I knew when it was done that THIS was my true calling and that it would be something I would do for the rest of my life. Now... I have made it happen for someone else, I have given them a gift through mine... it's a feeling that I cannot even wrap my brain around, yet I never want this feeling to go away.
In our weakest, darkest moments we lose faith, we shut everyone out so that we don't have to admit failure that we can do it on our own. Guess what? As I sit here 32 years to the day that my beautiful sister Teresa was taken from us, I may be crying... but these are different tears. I am thanking that Big Guy in the sky for giving me peace in taking the very day that made me hate him at one point in my life and turning it into a day that I can celebrate because it now also represents my significant walk back into His loving arms.
If you can only take just ONE THING away from this blog post please take this...
We all walk aimlessly around at times thinking we can do it all alone. I am here to tell you that when this happens you need something more significant... I encourage you to find what that is for YOU.
Have an amazing day!
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