Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Be Selfish; But Not at the Expense of Others

As I sit here at my kitchen bar typing away in pure silence... I feel like I should be in a Peppermint Patty commercial. (if you are under 30, you may need to Google that reference) My two youngest are down for afternoon naps and my 10-year old is not home from school yet. I don't think that the house has been this quiet since we moved in a month ago, and I must say I am thrilled at the moment no matter how short it may end up being. I figured since I was in the mood to write, (it was quiet enough for me to think) I would get a jump start on my blog for today. (perhaps that will get me into bed before 1am!) My topic was spun off an event that I encountered (as my blogs typically are) and I figured many people have a hard time understanding the giver vs. the taker.

I am a giver, a kind-hearted, generous, loyal, unconditional giver who rarely puts herself before others. However at times I have had to step back to be a bit selfish in order to balance things out. We have to give ourselves permission to do this from time to time, and I must say I think I am due for a little selfish time.  Understanding the mind of a taker is something I am not sure I will ever comprehend. Given the type of person I am, it is hard to wrap my brain around those that selfishly think of themselves ALL of the time. Self-centered, often arrogant, holier-than-thou types that have conditions even when they appear to be giving of themselves and frankly, they drive me nuts.

I often think I am the way I am because I have been a mom for so long; for more than half my life I have had to put the needs of another person before my own. When I think back to life before kids, I would have to say yes... I was a bit selfish before. I have consistently worked since the age of 13, so I certainly worked for what I wanted, but I spent it on me, and spent it all on me until I had a child. Before then I do not think I knew what it meant to sacrifice for another person, it was all about me and my world. I am happy that I changed, because quite frankly I am not sure that I would like myself  if I had not shifted from that selfish young person to who I am today. I do feel however that it has made me a lot less tolerant of people who constantly do things for others only if there is a gain for them somewhere.

Do you have someone in your life who will take until the tap is dry before they ever give a thing? Do they exhaust you and frustrate you to no end?  Do you have a selfish person around you or are YOU the selfish person around others? It is healthy to be selfish in the right way; not taking time FOR yourself to be BY yourself to do whatever YOU want to do when YOU want to do it, is not healthy because in the end you will resent someone without a doubt. If my last marriage did not teach me any lessons (it actually taught me a TON of them) It taught me that if you don't take some time for yourself you will suffocate, you will lose who YOU are and what YOUR needs are and in the end all you are is what the person you are with created.

Take time for you, but never be selfish to the point of not thinking of others feelings, thoughts, wants and needs. There is a balance of give and take and once you find it, life will be much better for you and everyone around you.

"The greatest difference between givers and takers is how often takers think of their needs, wants and situations and how little givers think of theirs for the sake of others." ShelleyGiard©2012