Friday, March 30, 2012

Butterflies and Goosebumps...

WOW... I need to be pinched, seriously... like now! My blessings are on overload today; I don't think a scalpel could get this smile off my face right now. Corey and I closed on our new home and the next chapter of my life has officially begun; this is an awesome feeling. 

I am amazed...thoroughly amazed at what has happened in my life in the past two years. In July of 2010, I felt like my world was crumbling on top of me, I was struggling to keep things going after making the decision in September of 2009; seven months pregnant with my fourth child, to ask my husband to leave; I wanted a divorce. It was a tough decision but hands down the best one I had made up to that point, and with what has happened since then... I know it was the right one. 

I was at the end of my rope, hanging on for dear life because everything I had tried led me to another wall. I had nothing left in me... so I made the choice to ask God to take it all into His hands. DON'T stop reading because I mentioned God... I am not going to "preach" to you I am simply telling you my story, and if you can't appreciate that then I don't want you reading my blog anyway ;) Okay ... back to the story. So I was on empty, no more fuel and I distinctly remember praying and asking God to "take the wheel." This was the second time in my life I had asked for such a thing and it worked the first time, so I figured it would not hurt to ask again. This day came about a week before I started my book; I was trying to occupy my brain with writing instead of my crumbling walls, and it worked.

 I am stubborn; REALLY stubborn and being type A personality, I tend to like to hold the wheel myself... I am telling you this in case you can relate, it's HARD to let go.

The next day I felt a sense of peace, my world was still crumbling, but I woke up feeling different somehow. That night before bed I took out my Bible, dusted it off and opened it to Proverbs. I began to read, and although I cannot recite the exact scripture right now my "Ah-ha" moment came when I read a verse that said something to the effect of "a man stricken with worry does not have faith" . This one REALLY made me think for weeks, it hit home. I thought about how much less stress I would have in my life if I stopped worrying and had faith that it would all work out... but I couldn't do it, at least not until I took my mind off my worries and began to write my book. As the words poured out like rainfall, I made the decision to truly let it all go... and stop the worrying, I needed to write, to share my story with others. It was that moment that my life began to take a turn.

Now... nearly two years later, my life has changed direction by 180 degrees. The day I stopped worrying about what was happening to me, I allowed myself to wonder what was going to be... I began thinking of what COULD be and my whole mindset changed and my life followed. A million blessings in disguise have finally allowed me to open up the best gift of all... happiness, contentment and thankfulness for everything I have. It is no longer what I want in life, it is now what I am going to get out of life... it's made all the difference in the world.

I am laying my head down tonight with butterflies and goosebumps after perhaps the best day of my life up to this point. It's not because we closed on a house, but because I have grown as a person through all of this and I know that I am now a better person because of it. Be grateful... stop the worrying and have faith that your life will turn around when you let it all play out exactly as it should. 

"Stop fighting what is meant to be, because your Happy Ending could be right around the corner."
~S. Giard ©2012~

Cover of my book

The next chapter of my life begins NOW!