Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Grief is Such a Weird Emotion....

I picked an odd topic for the evening of Valentine's...(or rather the odd topic picked me) but before you close this window... this is not a depressing post; or at least I hope it's not... I want it to be more of a warm fuzzy one that will help almost anyone who has lost someone dear to them smile.

Have you ever scrolled through your phone to delete old phone numbers or cleaned up your Facebok friends but could not bring yourself to delete the people you have in your phone list or friends list that have died and wonder why you just can't do it? Yeah... me too. Bottom line... grief is a weird emotion. It is one of the only emotions that no matter how many years pass it just never seems to go away. It's like our minds don't want us to forget, so it continuously creates "stickpins" that prick us and make us remember the ones we have lost. I still have several friends who have passed saved into my phone... and on my Facebook page; some like my friend Omar have been gone for years but I just can't hit delete... no matter how silly it seems at times.

I am a Christian; a faithful person who is not over the top, yet very comfortable saying what I believe no matter the company I am around. I have always liked to think that the people who have passed on can still "feel" us some how... and once in a while I get the feeling that the people who I have lost give me a little nudge to let me know they are still "here".  I know that in reality this is not possible... or is it? Such a loaded question...  and I often wonder if this is a feeling created by our own mind  to comfort our grieving thoughts so we can be at peace. Is it a peculiar coincidence that we fabricate all together? or is it real... 

Either way, I know they must miss us as much as we miss them.

My intention was to blog about something TOTALLY different tonight and then something happened. I was typing an email on my phone and as I proceeded to put in the recipients name, the name of someone who just recently died came up. I actually blogged about her the day I found out she passed; it was my classmate from high school Shirley Hill. Now I have never called Shirley or sent her an email and the person who I was sending the email to did not have "s" as the first letter in their name... but her name popped up for a split second and went away. What did I do with that? Well... I smiled and had a "moment" thinking that it was an odd but comforting second of my life that made me think that someone that reads my blog may need to hear this tonight. SO... here I am to share a very heart warming inspirational, personal story in hopes that if someone reading this needed to hear it then this odd moment wasn't a coincidence at all. Here is my story...

My Mémère (French-Canadian grandmother) developed Alzheimer's and we lost her to this horrible monster of a disease several years ago. Before she had to be put into a nursing facility, she was staying with my Auntie Gisele at her home just outside of Boston. My Mémère loved lady bugs... and oddly enough the window to the room she was staying in while with my Auntie was swarmed with ladybugs while she stayed there but disappeared when she had to be put into a care facility. (might I add that it was NOT ladybug season when this happened) When my Mémère passed away, my Auntie Gisele got a ladybug pin for the three siblings to wear the day of her service. My dad, Auntie Gisele and Auntie Michèle all wore their pins into the beautiful grand catholic church the day of her funeral. They were all sitting together and just before my Auntie Gisele got up to give the eulogy a ladybug landed on my father's sleeve and just sat there for a moment before flying away... When my Auntie "G" got up to give the eulogy she told the story of the ladybug that had just landed on my Dad's arm during the service. I wish I had been there... but the story is just as special regardless of my absence.  

It was a comforting feeling in a tender moment of grief, to let them know she was okay. How did this little ladybug get into this huge church and find my dad's arm? Well... our family likes to think 
it was more than just coincidence...  

We all miss our loved ones, we feel left behind and robbed of time with them. I lost my sister when I was seven and grieved for years without even knowing that's what was happening... and now 31 years later she is still in my mind almost on a daily basis, and frankly I hope she always is. I like to think that she will see me sign my first book; after all...she was who inspired me to write it. 

If you have lost someone recently or even years ago and are still grieving the loss... it's normal. Allow yourself the time and don't put a time limit on the process because in some ways, it never ends it just has stages. It's a personal thing to be dealt with in your own way, in time. 
Don't forget to celebrate who they were, for they would not want you sad... 
they simply want you to always remember. 


Ladybugs mean a lot to me now... and this one looked like it had a tear rolling off of it.