"Hey control freak... aka puppeteer, happy killing, dream squashing, mud throwing, bitter, miserable good for nothing energy zapper! I have no room for you in my life, you controlled me long enough which is precisely why I rid myself of you in the first place. I have tried to kill you with kindness hoping you would snap out of your bitter state of mind, because we have common denominators that need us to be civilized but I have decided that's not working to make you a better person and never will. Enjoy your puppet party alone, you are out of business as far as I am concerned."
Sound familiar at all? It is the common cry between the typical ex husband and ex wife with kids.... sad but true. I wrote this about my own situation in my journal (which is where I dump this kind of junk out of my head so I don't go ape on someone) and I am sharing it to prove a point. Divorce can be ugly... but it does not have to be. When you have children, it should NOT be and I am telling you from experience kids are affected negatively by divorce when the parents act stupid... THE END. Good grief, people! PLEASE think about your kids! Do you want them growing up afraid to get married? Expecting their relationships to NOT work? Do you want them to stay in unhappy, unhealthy relationships because they saw what divorce can do and how it affected them? I can happily say that my parents did NOT act stupid, in fact we can comfortably and happily have dinner; my mom, dad and their new spouses... we can laugh, tell stories and even hug. (pictures to prove that below)
My Mom (right) and Step-mom (left) back in 2008 at a family Christmas party
My Mom (left) Dad (pickle in the middle) and Step-Mom (left)
Yes... they hug too!
THAT is what it should be when you have kids, but the least you could do is suck it up and be civilized long enough so your kids are none the wiser, so they can have you both at the dance recitals, school plays and at some point their weddings. They hear what you say and do and form opinions based on that. Do not be the person who stoops low... not worth it, SET THE STANDARDS HIGH and then they will expect the best isn't that our job as a parent? (my parents did this and now that my situation is not perfect, I am disappointed but still hope that one day it can be nice and easy, isn't that better than expecting the worst?)
Kids act as they see. If an older sibling jumps off a roof, the younger one follows. If you act disrespectful toward your ex with your kids watching...ahem? Guess what? This becomes their norm. Please set the example and move on... it's why you are divorcing or divorced anyway right? Prolonging the drama by being irrational and stupid helps nobody and creates an uncomfortable situation for your kids. Quit being selfish and self centered it's not about you at this point, it's about them and how easy you can make it for them. Get with the program. And yes... I realize I am sounding like a control freak myself right now, but this is my blog and I can say what I want right? I am passionate on this topic and it shows that's all. Love me for it or hate me, either way I still get to say what I think.
I was so lucky to have parents that did not express bitterness even when it did exist a little in the beginning, (Thanks Mom & Dad you ROCK!) and I realize that now as I am going through a "situation" just how amazing they were through it all. I am frustrated no doubt that someone has nothing better to do than to try and make things difficult for me... but I have to swallow, take a deep breath and say "OUT OF BUSINESS" to the negative manipulation behind it all. I cannot let it ruin my day or they win. I cannot let it affect how happy I finally am, or it will. A TRUE case of mind over matter and I WILL come out on top.
The greatest feeling is this... greed, manipulation, bitterness and control are all behaviors the big man upstairs can and will punish, and I have found HIS revenge is WAY better than any wrath I can cast upon anyone. So hey big man up there... I surrender this one to YOU!
So yes... I am human and I have bad days! THIS is why I woke up and wished all my face-book buddies a great Tuesday! It helps!